getting baby to sleep

[gem1984]

is it normal that to get my ds (4 month) to sleep i have to hold him and rock him to sleep.
He will not under any circumstances fall asleep by himself i've trid allsorts.
at night once he has fell asleep i can ut him in he cot but when he has day sleeps to be able to keep him aseep i have to keep hold of him.....
how can i change this...
any help very much appreciated

I think it is normal. He is still very little and I wouldn't be hard on yourself although I should imagine that this is exhausting for you.

Controlled crying worked for me but it is hard to do and only try it when you and your little one are ready. I managed it at about 5-6 months. I am sure that other mners will know at what age this technique is recommended but not when they are too little.

I would try it during the day at first and best of all when there is someone else around to remind you that you are doing the right thing and so that you are not too frazzled.

Basically lay your ds in their cot on their own and pop back at regular intervals to remind him that you are there - e.g. every 5 minutes. This is good for you as when the crying seems like an eternity you can actually see how long it is. Friends of mine have done things like leave a breast pad that they have been wearing in the cot so that he can smell you and be comforted. My little girl has one of two teddies - she is not dependent but it just comforts her when she is unwell or tired. She has a musical lullaby toy which sends me half to sleep!

Good luck!

It is good to get them to go to sleep on their own - I rocked my first baby and he sucked my finger for 4 months to fall asleep! My second was an angel and slept pretty much all the time til 3 months!

One little trick I learnt was when I put them down was to leave me hand on their chest when in the cot so they could still feel like they were being cuddled/having contact - and a few gentle strokes of their head - then slowly lift hand off or replace with a small soft toy!

I think giving them time to settle themselves is the way forward - the other main thing I would say is decide on what you are going to do and try to stick with it as lots of different things confuse them and may make them more unsettled!

Good luck - feel for you!

i've tried controlled crying although some people think he is too young but it doesnt work, i've also tried the touching him in some way so that he thinks i'm holding him but literally i have to hug him tight to me and pat his bum a little..... shal i just keep persevering with something until it eventually wrks?

Lots of babies enjoy rocking etc to get them to sleep - after all they were rocked enough in our tummies. From the tone of your post it sounds like you want to stop this and i would suggest the following (i used it with my LO when we stopped swaddling him and using a dummy. Also when i changed my LO's nap routine i stayed in for 3 days (a bit dull but worth it).

when it is naptime, put LO into his cot, draw the blinds, say have a nice nap, tuck him in and leave the room. He will probably cry - if you know he is clean, fed and burped leave for 10 mins and then go back, re-tuck him in, stroke his head to reassure him you are there and leave ... repeat the exact steps until he is settled. Try not to stroke him to sleep - if he can settle himself after you calm him that is ideal. Do this every time he wakes. He will learn to settle himself.

You can go back sooner than 10 mins - do what is comfortable for you. Keep going even when you feel it isn't working. It will work the first two days will probably be the worst. Day 3 should be better and may days 4 -7 you should be fine. be able to settle to sleep on the move.

thanks taylor mama i'll give that a try? what do u do when out an about?

I think the thing is to do what is right for you. I discussed this with a friend of mine and she said that controlled crying isn't really recommended until 6 months but I started earlier and it worked and my little girl puts herself to sleep now. Remember your little one isn't going to like it at first because he is not used to it so it won't come right immediately. If you feel that it isn't working and it is too upsetting for you, may be take a break from it and then try again a few weeks later or when you feel ready. It is not easy and I really sympathise. Remember though he is your baby and you will work out what is right for you both. I felt so pressured to do everything perfectly and not to make a rod for my own back but hings will work out.

That is good advice from cornflake kid about hand on the tummy I found that helped me. Something else I saw on tv was to put the baby into bed and to then not hold the baby but stay in the room. I don't think I would cope if the baby was crying but when my little girl was poorly the other night and refusing to go to sleep, I put her in her cot and sat down next to the cot and stroked her back through the bars and then crawled away once she started to breathe heavily and that worked.

Good luck xx

Gem - when we are out and about and it is naptime i put the hood on his buggy over him and he goes to sleep whether the buggy is moving or not. Once they can settle themselves in a cot etc (without movement) they can usually start to do it anywhere. He even sleeps when i take him out in a sling but i find that as he is so alert and aware of his environment covering his face with a cellular blanket (important as it has holes in) can help him fall asleep as there is less to look at.

Gem - you are me and I am doing something about it for the first time tonight!! ds1 was trained to sleep in his cot from day one (i did baby whisperer pick up put down ie no leaving them to cry, I personally couldn't do controlled crying)

ds2 was born 5 months ago and was a poorly baby so allowed him to sleep on me in day, and moses basket at night after falling asleep on me or dh.

As it is now half term and ds1 is not at preschool nursery next week I have for the first time got ds2 down in the cot without falling asleep on me.

I hold him until he is drifting ie not yet asleep and then put him down, he did scream blue murder trying to tell me that this isn't how we normally do it but after 4 pick ups he finally just lay there sucking his dummy (that is the next thing to change) I have put a spare bed in his room with him so that I can do this through the night. Knowing that I will be exhausted dh is looking after children tomorrow so I can sleep and repeat the process. Under the age of 3 months baby whisperer says it takes around 3 days to crack, as ds2 is 5 months it could take me a week but I am determined as I am exhausted already.

I think I gave in too easily as I was worried he would wake ds1 and I am a SAHM so no relief until he stated preschool nursery mid-sept but only for 2 1/2 hours in the morn.

Good Luck!