Help! 6.5 month old won't sleep and I'm going to have a breakdown...

[ChoccieBiccies]

I have no idea what to do. 6.5 month old (29 weeks) DD's sleep has just gotten worse and worse since Christmas (but has always been awful, she's never slept through. A good night for us is 2 or 3 wakings). This evening, she went to sleep at 6:30, woke at 7:45, 8:45, 9:45, 11:20 (and I fed her), and has now been awake again since 3:15. She won't be rocked or cuddled back to sleep. When we go into her room she cries harder! I don't know what to do but am starting to loose it.... Last night DH and I got 4 hours sleep total, 1 hour, 1 hour and then 2 hours, and we got into bed at 7:30.

She self settles for naps now in the day after me working really hard and doing a gradual retreat thing. But just as daytime naps have got better, her night sleep is worse and worse. I am thinking of taking her to the doctor as I am seriously worried about her health and development with this little sleep.

We tried CC last weekend and she got worse and worse over 3 nights, so I can't do that again.

I don't know what our options are to help her get back to sleep, but I am actually loosing it at the moment through lack of sleep. Can anyone help?!

What are her daytime naps like? Times? Length? Maybe shuffling them around could help. Do you think she is teething or perhaps about to start crawling? Both of these can ruin sleep!

Hi Guy thanks for reply.

Her naps are unpredictable at the moment. Sometimes she will only nap for 30 mins three times a day. Other times she will gave a long morning nap (1 hour 10 or 1 hour 20) and then two further 30 minute naps. Or she will have a shorter morning nap and longer lunchtime nap. I posted a few weeks ago as I used to rock her to sleep and before Christmas it completely stopped working, so I used gradual retreat to get her napping on her own in her cot. At the same time all her sleepy signals seemed to disappear, so I wad completely winging it with regards to when to put her down to sleep.

I put her down for her morning nap 2 hours after waking, then other naps around 2 hours 15 after waking from previous nap. But if she only sleeps for 30 minutes at a time then the last nap is too long before bed, but not enough time to get another nap in before bed. Plus with weaning and breastfeeds I struggle to get them all in.

I experimented with putting her down slightly later for the first nap in the hope it might make her sleep a bit longer, but it didn't seem to make any reliable difference.

We don't think it's teething but did give calpol last night before bed just in case, but didn't make any difference. She just started rolling on Friday (although hasn't really done it again since!). I know that can bugger up sleep, so I was hoping that once she actually rolled her sleep might improve again, but it's no better. For the last few nights it's like she's crying in her sleep. When we go and sit with her she's not really awake, but she's moaning and making little noises like in a really light sleep. On Sunday I sat with her like that for 90 minutes and she didn't get back in to a proper sleep so I fed her to see if that would settle her, and it didn't either. Don't think she's on the verge of crawling yet.

I am completely clueless and feel like a zombie for lack of sleep. I don't know how my DD is surviving as she us so happy and cheery in the day. I am going to talk to HV tomorrow at clinic as I am worried her development will be affected by this chronic lack of sleep.

I don't have any answers I'm afraid, but a few suggestions which might be worth a try (anything's worth a go!). For a start, you and DH need to tag team the nights to get more sleep. If you're 'in bed' for 11/12 hours then you should each be able to get at least 5/6 hours each, much more like coping levels!

Is it worth trying a late afternoon nap and then making 'bedtime' much later like 9pm? Then she might sleep until a more reasonable time in the morning.

Around this age with DD1 I tried to do the 2/3/4 sleep timings (she was a rubbish sleeper so it was hit and miss) which helped with a routine and being properly tired at bedtime.

Hope you got some good advice at the clinic today. Sleep deprivation is an absolute killer. Do everything you can to make your life easier and relax whenever you can

I don't have much to add other than I completely agree with the idea of sleeping separately from your DH and taking it in turns to be on baby duty so that you both get some sleep.

I have a 4 month old who is very nocturnal and my OH and I sleep separately all the time now, so at least we maximise our sleep. As unromantic as it is, it has kept our sanity. I do the first bit of the night, then OH to takes over second half of the night.
Is she waking in pain or crying? If not, then perhaps it is more a developmental thing with learning to roll over. Hope things get better soon.

I would get her checked over incase its maybe a case of reflux or something.

Dd was a terrible sleeper, I had to fight to get her to sleep during the day and she gave them up completely at 10months. Tried ever sleep technique known to man for night time they either made her worse or only worked for a short time. I gave up and co-slept from 11months (although you might not want to go there) She's still pretty restless but settled far quicker from then. Fwiw it did no harm to her development and she is a bright as a button 2yo, streets ahead of what ds was at that age. Good luck, sleep deprivation is horrendous.

This is to the letter what happened to my DS at around 5.5 months and also when he was learning to roll. I don't think weaning and all the newness helps. I tried literally everything! Sleep positioners, tweaks in feeding, tweaks to bedtime routine - literally every suggestion MN had! This is when I looked at the 2/3/4 routine as guy suggested too and it started to help. So only two naps, though sometimes when you first start they need an extra catnap between the last nap and bedtime. DS is still not amazing now but generally wakes once at about 4am then goes back to sleep until 6ish. But a massive improvement on once every hour!

Thanks for your replies and sympathy. We are finding it hard to function normally so can't look at the situation clearly anymore!

DH and I struggle in the night with both being woken as we don't have any where else that either of us can sleep! No spare bed as spare room is DH's office, and we only have 2 seater sofas, so not long enough to lie on. I think we might have to get an air bed or something so one of us can stay downstairs with earplugs for half the night.

I might try a late nap/late bedtime - what should the gap be between last nap and bedtime do you think? I never know what it should be so she's tired enough but not overtired so aim for 3 hours - wake from last nap at 3:30, in bed at 6:30. Have also read about this 2/3/4 routine, but if DD wakes at 6 and only naps for 30 mins through say, it means a 4pm bedtime :) (if I've understood it correctly). But if I can get a day with long naps I will aim to try it and see what happens.

I have occasionally brought her in to the bed with me, but due to spare bed issue above and also now she is rolling, we don't have a sage set up for co sleeping, plus tbh I don't really sleep as worried about suffocating her (irrational brain but nevertheless stops me relaxing enough to sleep properly).

Was talking to my mum about this today and suddenly realised that all this has got much worse since we started weaning just before Xmas. I started with fruit puréed when she was 25 weeks, one meal a say (breakfast) and added in lunch after a couple of weeks. She hardly ears anything and isn't very interested in food, but maybe it's that causing her a sore tummy. So I'm going to stop the solids for a couple of days and see if that makes a difference.

I just feel so low about it at the moment, like there's no light at the end of the tunnel. Her sleep us so much worse than when she was a newborn. DH and I don't spend any time together, we eat our dinner then get straight into bed as we never know what time it will get when she wakes. Our evenings together have gone. I haven't done any exercise in months as I don't feel I can go out in the evenings, plus I don't have the energy without any sleep. I've been constantly ill this winter with colds and I get migraines which I can't take anything for due to breastfeeding. I fell down the stairs before Xmas from not being careful enough due to tiredness. I was hoping to have switched from exclusive BFing to some FF by now, but DD is bottle refuser so I can't even leave her with anyone to gave a break! It's just overwhelming! Sorry for long moan I know how lucky I am to have a happy and healthy daughter.

Re the weaning, I remember DS sleep became terrible when he first started solids (awake every 2 hrs!). I spoke to the HV and she suggested I up the calories at every meal. So lots of cheese/soft cheese mixed in and full fat milky puddings. I think I was faffing a bit too much with veg/fruit purées instead of making his diet more like a normal 3 meals a day menu. His sleep soon changed once he was getting enough calories. however he has always been a good eater so it was easy to change things, I'm not sure what I'd've done if he wasn't keen.

Oh and you could try giving her formula with weetabix for breakfast. I'm assume that would be higher in calories than cows milk? Also, my DS loved banana and avocado mashed together - sounds grim but he loved it and again it's full of calories (and healthy too!)

Hi a normal bedtime at this age is 7-30-8.30pm so I would try putting her to bed then rather than your current 6.30 which is way to early.
Isn't it normal not to have a 'life' when they're this young? Exercising in the evening would be a luxury for me - wishful thinking surely?!
As you can see I'm up tonight so I do know how you feel!
Let us know how the later bedtime goes

Thanks Errrr. Maybe it's the opposite and she needs more food then?! She love cream cheese on toast, it's the only thing I can get her to eat! Anyway will see HV today.

moomin we have always had an earlyish bedtime as she is just so tired in the evenings she has a melt down - but I know this could be down to bad napping. What time would you do last nap for a 7:30pm bedtime? Maybe I am being unrealistic about the evenings. Also, should she be sleeping for 12 hours at this stage. As in, in bed at 7, up at 7? A 6:30 wake up is fine for us, so that's why we went on the early side.

Anyway, thanks and will update later. Oh, and she slept pretty well last night - up at 11 and 2 and both times she went back to sleep once fed so now I'm even more clueless!!

@ChoccieBiccies I just wanted to say you're not alone. I literally could have written this post, in fact I was just about to... We are going through exactly the same situation as you- down to me falling down the stairs (although just after Christmas for me)!!

DD is also 6.5 months old, completely unpredictable with naps and night sleep, exclusively bf (would never take a bottle, let alone formula), and now weaning but again won't take purees - mainly only likes toast!!

I don't know if it helps but I was up most of last night. We've tried everything too; more naps, less naps, Cc (which got worse and worse over 3 days), pupd, shh pat, Harvey karp - nothing seems to make a long term difference and it's so so hard. Particularly with the expectation they should be "going through the night" by now. I wouldn't mind a night feed at all, it's just when there's multiple or they just won't go back to sleep and whinge for hours. My HV suggested more food, but I've also read a lot that you're supposed to take it slowly at first, so that's confusing me- my inclination is not to push it and let her take her time - we've only been going a few weeks. She also suggested no naps after 3 in the afternoon, which we tried yesterday - unsuccessfully. Not only was she a wreck by the time she went down at 6.20, but she woke at 7 for a couple of hours then was up from 2.30 till 5.00. I think regular naps no more than 2 hours apart seem to be the way forward but it's so hard fitting them all in/ timing them right for a "good" bedtime and trying to fit in your life around them... No one else I know seems to have anything like this and I always feel so ridiculous going on about dd needing a nap.

Like you, we know we're so so lucky to have our beautiful little girl, and we know ITS JUST A PHASE(!!) but it's taking everything we have and more just to survive.

Please let me know if you find anything that works and likewise I will keep you updated too...

magicmonkey thanks for the post. I'm sorry you're going through the same thing. How spookily similar our DDs seem to be!! I tried a 2 hour awake time yesterday and that seemed to work better, but that could just be because she was knackered from the night. I am going to try it again today anyway and see what happens. But then with only a 2 hour window between naps to fit in play, breastfeeds, solid meals and the cleaning up afterwards it basically leaves me trapped in the house! I totally know what you mean about feeling ridiculous about saying DD needs a nap when out. I visit my nan every week and she looks at me like I'm crazy when I say DD needs to sleep when she doesn't appear tired AT ALL. It's a double edged sword getting her to nap in cot too, as it means I have to be at home (or in car) for her to sleep.

I was hoping to wind down the night feeds and also hoping she would love food (like her greedy mum!) so I could try and get her off the boob, but now am wondering if she's hungry and that's what's causing the wake ups as last night she settled when fed. God I just feel so clueless! I need to be sure she's not hungry before I even attempt to cut down on night feeds. But then conversely I'm worried the food is giving her tummy ache. I am rambling now!! Will let you know if anything we try seems to work. Hope it gets better for you.

I totally totally understand where you're coming from- how do you know why they're grizzling?! I feel so useless as a mother, really. Is it hunger? Wind? Tummy? Teething?? I suspect a bit of everything?!!

Throw in 2 rounds of gastroenteritis and 2 colds for all of us over the last month and that's where we are! Now I'm also panicking because my milk supply is running really low.... When she has her appetite back, I don't know what well do.

How is the napping going today?

Just read about the 234 routine and wonder how it can work for bubs who only take short naps? We only usually get 1 longish nap a day, the others being 30-45 mins, which would mean a bedtime of 6ish. When she goes down that early I generally find (like last night) she wakes after 45 mins and wants to be up another few hours (or grizzles and cries for hours if we try and settle her).

Anyone been there and done that with a short napper?

Sorry for being so negative, I'm usually a very positive person but I just feel so worn out...

Another one here! We do manage a couple of hour long naps in the sling and a catnap about 5.30. Last night I was grateful for only four wake ups with minimal crying after a few very loud nights! I think at six months everything is going on, teeth, solids, wonder weeks, rolling/sitting. I found giving up trying to second guess why and just giving him a cuddle if that's what he wants actually helped me feel more sane. [http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/7-22-2011-difficult-babies-turn-into-super-kids/ This] also gave me some hope. I think we count as responsive mums since we are here trying to find a solution.

Too tired to link properly evidently...
here

Your baby is normal. My second was like this. I second other people's views that you must become shift workers and sleep in rotation. Get a spare single mattress to put under your bed.

What fixed it for us was bottle feeding - the only way to crack this is to have your DH give it when the baby is too tired to fight back. Also massively upping the amount of tea we have our baby.

He still isn't great and we give him milk once or even twice in the night. But sleeping 7-7 is the exception rather than the rule. Many babies and children do 11 hours in bed rather than 12 so do shift your bedtime to later unless you are early birds.

Hi choccie

DS was rather sneaky with his sleep cues and I loved this chart for recommended awake time lengths when he was little.

www.mybabysleepguide.com/2013/02/average-sleep-charts-by-age.html

It does sound very much like a developmental/teething stage to me but overtiredness does cause the multiple wakings that you're describing.

If she is upset then go to her but if she is having a grizzle, do try and leave her to it. She may surprise you.

Also, seriously - ear plugs. You will still hear her if you need to and you and DH can do shifts at nighttime so at least only one of you is up at a time.

The order of the bedtime routine is also quite key so;

Bath, if required
Pjs
Grobag (if used)
Milk
Teeth (if she has any)
Book in bedroom
Cuddle in bedroom
Bed

I also did a nap routine that consisted of;

into room, curtain closed
short book - the same one
Cuddle
Bed

When she does wake, if she is upset, do try to give calpol, 20 minutes for it to kick in and then put back down. See if it has an effect.

Hope the phase passes quickly for you. FWIW, DS did a lot of developmental stuff from 5.5 - 7.5 months but after that he slept really well for a few months until the walking and several teeth came along. It helps to accept it will be up and down and if its really bad now, it will be better again soon.

Choccie, you have my sympathies, it sounds really tough. Check out Gina Ford nap routines too. Think what you like about her but the daytime routines work. I'd caution against a later bedtime. 'Normal' for this age is nearer 7pm if you want to go through to 7am.

Just wanted to say we are im a similar situation with our 8.5 month old.
Have posted before about her sleep but in a nutshell she slept pretty well from birth to 3 months. From 3 months to 6 months she woke every 2 hours. She started on solids and she got better but then after a couple of weeks got worse again.
We decided to try the approach of putting her into bed awake and after a few nights of crying she seemed to have got it and we had a blissful 2 weeks of 1 waking a night.
She cut a tooth the other day and now is waking 2 hourly again.
Tonight we have had 2 hours sleep and she has been up since 11.30pm as even though she has fed she will not go back to sleep.
She is also crap at napping - today her morning nap was 5 mins.
Am seriously considering getting a mattress to put in her room and co sleeping as that seems to be the only way to get any sleep!

Just reporting back. Thanks everyone for posts.
HV said stopping solids temporarily is not really a solution as she has to get used to food, which I know but just thought that would be a way to tell if it was the solids doing it. She said exactly what you said Errrr - to increase solids as much as possible, lots of carbs, and protein in the evenings. So will press on.

Magicmonkey 2 hour naps worked ok again yesterday for the first two naps. Slept for over an hour, just under an hour, and then fought the last nap in her cot, but I managed to get her to sleep on my bed by singing to her which secretly I love and is actually the most adorable thing ever, plus gives me 30 mins rest while i stay with her!

Had another really bad night. Asleep at 7, woke at 9 and settled with a tummy rub, 10 and I fed her, 12:30 and tried a tummy rub but didn't work so I fed her again! 1:30 and settled with a tummy rub, and 3:15, at which point we all got up as we had to take DH to the airport at 4:30 anyway. She slept for an hour in the car but has just woken up again.

She has also been practising her rolling a lot yesterday, so maybe that's it.... We contacted a sleep consultant on Monday but wanted to wait to see what HV said first. Last night when she woke it wasn't really distressed cries, just more like a 'where are you?' cry, so I think we're going to go ahead with the sleep consultant and try some sleep training methods. I had hoped that as she had learned to settle herself in thre day, the nights would follow, but it obviously doesn't always work like that!

Hi ChoccieBiccies - how are things going? Did you see the consultant? Has it improved things? Please tell me you have some answers... if anything, things are getting worse for us!!! xx

Hi magicmonkey, well... I don't want to speak too soon but things have improved. We did have a call with a sleep consultant who was great, I can PM you her details, we think it was well worth the money, and would have no hesitation in using her again if things get worse again.

We went cold turkey on the night feeds, and DD has been absolutely fine. And we changed the bedtime routine so I feed her downstairs before bed, then we do bath and story, and then she goes down awake in the cot. Those seem to be the two changes that have made the difference. I think before we were just confusing DD as she never knew if I was coming in to feed her or not. Now she knows that she can just go back to sleep. Last night she woke us twice, but settled herself after a few minutes. The two nights before that, I slept solidly 9:30pm til 5am ish. I almost feel human again!

Once again, don't want to sound smug as I am quite sure it could all go t*ts up again...
How are things with you?

Omg- congrats, that's amazing! You must feel brilliant!!? Yes, please PM me her detes... Solid sleep... THE HOLY GRAIL!! I'd be over the moon if I were you, at least you know she can do it now, even if she slips for any reason.

Last night was slightly better but she's still up 2- 3 times for a feed (at best). We're so so tired!

Is your dd taking a bottle or any solids? Ours doesn't take a bottle and weaning is slow (she won't take purees still, so we're doing baby led weaning) so I'm worried she would be hungry.

Would be great to speak to her and hear what she has to say!

This is my baby now. Can see this was written few years ago. How did you resolve this??? 😥😥😥