Please help me teach my 6mo to self settle

[TheOriginalWinkly]

DD has always fed to sleep. She is incredibly active, and very distractable. Putting her down 'drowsy but awake' just wakes her up, then she'll play in her crib until she gets pissed off and screams.

She goes to bed around 7pm after a nice bedtime routine, lights down, new nappy, legs massaged, grobag and a feed with white noise. She falls asleep quickly like this. If she stays on my lap with handy boob access she doesn't wake up properly. If I put her in her crib (sheets warmed, white noise app still playing gently), she'll sleep for maybe half an hour then wake up screaming. She'll only be calmed by boob.

I need her to be able to nap in her crib and settle for DH for when I go back to work at the end of March as I'll be working some late shifts and some night shifts. CC/CIO isn't an option.

Thanks for any advice!

There's a book called the no cry sleep solution which my friend swore by while she was breastfeeding.
Good luck

Thanks. I've heard of that, I wonder if it's any use. Worth a go!

From what I read it covers all bases. Certainly worth a go.

Will your DD be having bottles of milk from DH when you go back to work?

I would try introducing bottles sooner (using expressed milk or formula milk) to get her used to it. March isn't that far away and she will need time to adjust.

Maybe separating breastfeeding from sleep by introducing the bottle will kill two birds with one stone?

She's a total bottle refuser. She'll drink milk and water well enough from a doidy cup.

I've requested the No Cry Sleep Solution from the library :)

Think they advise giving milk from a sippy cup at bedtime anyway rather than a bottle from 6 months, or is it 1 yr? Because of damage to teeth.

If she'll have milk from a cup during the day it might be worth regularly offering one at bedtime too & she might just get used to it?

Watching with interest anyway for my dd...hoping someone has some pearls of wisdom!

If she's already having milk from a cup then it may be an idea to separate breastfeeding and sleep.

You could also try a dummy.

Nothing evil at all about a dummy, as some people think. What can be bad about offering a baby something soothing to suck on so that they can be soothed and calm? Works like a loco breast.

It is a bit late to be introducing a dummy, but worth a try and some perseverance.

I probably should have mentioned in my OP that I've tried dozens of different dummies over the course of months. I was the only person in my NCT group that had dummies on standby. DD hates them all, gives me a look of 'what is this crap?' as she spits them out. She'll occasionally use one as a chew toy for a minute or so, but won't suck them.

We introduced a dummy at 5months for my breastfed baby. He always spat them out too but just one day when he was really unsettled he took it and never looked back! He's nearly 2, Christ knows how we're going to stop him....

Anyway we used the no cry sleep solution. It was pretty good. We did gradual withdrawal - so feed but not to sleep. Then sit by cot holding hand, then not holding hand, then moving chair away etc. be prepared it takes patience and a lot of time and sitting in a dark room!

But no tears! And we did attempt cc once, didn't have the stomach for it.

My baby totally refused a dummy until suddenly one day at 4 months I tried it and he took it. It's always worth trying again if you haven't for a while.

Pick up put down could work.

Your dh really is the solution. She'll have to settle for him without bfing as he can't. I'd make myself unavailable every night at bedtime for a week and he'll find a way.

We did a form of gradual withdrawal with my DD, but she was much older - about 16mo, once I'd stopped bf. It worked to an extent, but we never managed to get further than just outside her room and would have to sit there til she fell asleep, meaning we could be with her for an extra hour in total some nights.

Eventually, just before she was 2 we left her to cry 2 nights in a row and since then she goes to bed like a dream - perfectly happy, no problems. I'm not suggesting you do this as I wouldn't have been comfortable doing it much before we did, but just saying that you may not achieve proper self settling at this stage - some babies can, some can't - it's just the luck of the draw.

If you're really under pressure to get her to sleep without the boob, it might be worth considering some alternatives that might not be ideal, but at least mean she's asleep. ie. if she'll fall asleep bring rocked in the pram, your dp could get her down in that for the evenings and you transfer her and feed her to get her down in her cot when you get home. Obviously it's not what you want, but at least she's sleeping and happy. She won't be doing that forever - they'll all stages they go through. I do this now and again with DS if I am out at bedtime or if he wakes while I'm out in the evening. I'd never have considered it with DD as was so fixated on she must sleep in her cot at nighttime, but second time round realise it really doesn't matter as long as they sleep!

Just seen you said you'll do nights, so maybe that's not the answer sorry for not reading properly! But agree with nottheOP - your DP should figure it out somehow. Not in a nasty way, but if forced to get her to sleep without feeding, he will do it somehow and work out his best techniques. Probably less confusing for your DD too as you normally feed her, whereas she won't be expecting him to.

Our son has been self settling since 2 months by thumb sucking and cuddling up to a small muslin square that I put down my pj top at night. I whip that out of the cot as soon as he's asleep though as I don't like to leave it in there with him. I place him in the cot with the muslin next to/ slightly covering his face and it seems to keep him calm. He used to get very peed off trying to get his thumb so I would recommend using something that smells like you! x

She didn't want to go to sleep at all tonight, fed or otherwise Finally managed to get her down (She fed til almost asleep then allowed me to finish with shush-pat) and laid her in her cot. Then I stood on a fucking crinkly book and woke her up, so had to go again. She is letting me finish with shush-pat sometimes now - I'm on Night 5 of removing the nipple from her mouth and it seems like its coming out earlier and easier than on Night 1.

Last attempt at a dummy was on Tuesday this week. She still hates it. She is offended by her own thumb/fingers. She is incredibly strong willed, I am somewhat impressed in a way

She's only sleeping for about 20 minutes at a time in her cot though

If shush pat is working then I think stick with it and do it for subsequent wakings too and the number of wake ups should diminish over time. If you are aiming for self settling then you don't want to just substitute one prop for another. The baby whisperer recommends shush pat as they don't become reliant on it (actually suggests that pick up put down works at this age but if your dc isn't becoming too stimulated by shush pat, stick with it). Good luck!

So DD is going down into het crib fairly easily. But she then wakes up after 15 - 20 minutes in a panic, looking for me. Tonight I've worn a muslin in my bra for an hour and then tucked it over the mattress to see if the nice milky smell helps her rest.