Confused baby - any bb whisperers out there? sorry, bit of a long one.

[OuiOui]

I'm starting this new thread as my old thread about "why does he hate his cot" is no longer totally appropriate. Having said that, my dd is changing all the time so I no longer no what the actual is anymore! I hate G Ford/Ferber but was driven to it out of despair. I had a dream daytime bb but come nighttime didn't go to sleep or could only sleep in our bed (not good for dh and mummy) After a very long 3 days of G Ford, settled down only to get pneumonia and bout in hospital. Then came 2 weeks holiday where I had to sleep with ds otherwise he would keep everyone awake (also have 2.5 yr dd).
So first night back I thought have to let him cry and he cries almost non stop, is ok for daytime naps though. 2 more nights and I've had enough and I start reading the baby Whisperer.
I LOVE it and totally agree and see that I've done just about everythin that I shouldn't have.
However ds is now 10 months old and is heavy and strong for the long nighttimes.
First night he was hysterical each time he went into bed (traumatised by the cc) and calming down took a long time and stroking head etc. I must have picked him up and laid him down about 80 times. Last night he went to bed and slep for about 5 hours and each time he woke I had to calm him - he can't settle himself (although I always let him try first) but then he works himself up into a tizzy and it takes so long to calm him again.
Anyway, I can just about handle this calming thing business but what worries me is that he has restless sleep. Last night he woke up for multiple calming sessions - about 5 times! so he'll drift off and then each time he wakes he can't resettle!
I'm worried that my next hurdle is that he'll always expect me there to calm him back to sleep. (I doa s the book says and only calm him and then stop so as not to reinforce the soothing to sleep method as in the past)
I know it's been only 2 days but I need some nice stories to hear from any other bb whisperers.
Please come in!

this thread on teaching baby to self settle might be of interest

here

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Hi Ouioui, sorry to hear things haven't improved much since we last talked. I bookmarked this thread which talks about the Baby Whisperer method. Hope it helps.

hi , thanks for the support and the bookmarked threads. Have read them all and admittedly do feel a bit better as I was feeling a bit low today. I think he's ok with my rather lax EASY schedule (I'm just not very good at "obeying" but it's just the night time thing that I'm worried about. anyway, I've posted my ranting on the thread that was posted by Karen99 so hopefully other convertees may be able to wade in and give me courage.

afraid I caved in alittle last night at 3am - admittedly his first waking but I had tried to let him resettle but he got upset and after about 40 mins I just slep with him on the spare bed - i'm not so good at all this i'm afraid. i think io'll just get to him quicker every night so at least he stays in his bed.

I did the baby whisperer thing and found it very effective. It takes a little while to readjust to the new methods so be patient. We actually moved a chair into ds room so we werent in and out all the time. At least then during unsettled periods you can be comfy!
Could your ds be teething and this is distressing him? I remember being stressed out when ds was about10 months. I thought he would never settle and that I would spend most nights backwards and forwards - but as it happens when he stopped teething he settled much easier - and now he is 20 months he is great. We put him in his cot awake - he falls asleep by himself and sleeps for 12 hours. But when he was your ds age he was very restless.
I think what I am trying to say is - stick with it. to get to the point we are at took work - but it is worth it to get a nights sleep. I think baby whispering is a nice gentle approach. If you have any specific questions (as I know how it gets) please e-mail me via contact another talker and we can talk more about it. good luck.

BTW dont worry about sliping in the spare bed with him on Friday night. I know how it gets. Ds used to sleep in our bed at one point - but you can get out of the habit - so dont worry. We all cave somtimes because being a mum is tiring. But you will get there

Hi carlyb
thank you so much for your encouraging words. I get up in despair every morning thinking that I might just let him sleep with me until he goes to university! admittedly I am not the most patient of people and being a control freak I can't cope with not being able to sort this out.
So I've been feeding him to sleep or taking him onto the bed until he falls asleep.
this evening - he woke up at the enjd of the bottle and then seemed really awake but I persisted with PUPD and I couldn't believe that I managed to get him back off in 1/2 hour - but I don't trust that I'll ever be able to do it again.
So - what's the theory behind the many night wakenings?
Also, Tracy Hogg says it takes about 3 days but I don't believe that for 1 second!
Ok fingers crossed for tonight.

hi we did the Baby whisper pupd for a bit and it worked we did however add the sound of classical music in the background,we have recently had a relaps due to teething and tummy bugs but am planning on going back to asap.

hi katzguk
I did think of getting some sounds of waves as ds slept so well on the beach - in a sun lounger no less.
well i can't believe it but yesterday I put ds down at 730pm and he protested but after about 15 pupd, he went to sleep and he slept til 6am - I wam so happy but am convinced it was a one off fluke - fingers crossed that this will continue!

Hi ouioui, you're doing great. I must admit I found consistency was the best approach for my ds. If the method changed every night he would get confused so you need to stick with it for a few days (which is what you're now doing) and you'll see the results. He's realising that when you put him back in the cot he's got to go to sleep. Well done

What time does he go to bed now? Are you getting that time in the evening with dp?

It sounds like you're nearly there ouioui, I also loved the BW with ds - and, although I used the pu/pd when he was young, it did take 4 nights, and with few exceptions he goes down well for naps and at night. As karen99 said, the key I think is consistency. My husband couldn't really 'help' because he would attempt to rock db to sleep etc. There seems to be 2 versions of pu/pd, one is pu and put straight down, the other is pu/wait for him to be calm, the pd, pu again if distressed. I prefer the later (bit easier on the back!) I sit on a chair in his room with ds over my shoulder and pat/sshhh until he is calm. Once he goes down and is calm, i roll him onto his side (facing away from me) so I can continue to pat&shhhh. This gets more and more gentle until I just have my hand resting on his shoulder. If he has been very distressed I stay for 5 mins until he slips into a deeper sleep, then I leave him. Have you seen any of the BW programmes on tv?
HTH

hi again
karen99 how do you remember that bit about me and dh? since last sunday I've been putting ds down between 7pm and 8pm and miraculously I've been getting him to sleep. the funny thing is we had just got back from holiday in japan where he was going to sleep quite late and the 2 hour time difference (we live in bkk) actually worked in our favour.
Allatsea, your method sounds pretty much same as mine.
altho when he settles again he sometimes re-excites himself by grabbing the toys and flailing his arms about so I kind of have to push his arms down a little (bit like a strait jacket )
anyway, don't want to go on about it - got him in bed again tonight at 8pm - altho went into bedroom at 715 so it takes a good 45 minutes but he actually went off on his own.
I love you all but this isn't the last you'll here from me.
I'll let you know how ity goes tomorrow.

I know how precious that time is in the evening with my dh so when you said that in your last thread I knew exactly where you were coming from. Sounds like that's improved too

Good luck tonight.

same for bedtime last night altho he only slept until 4am when I then went in to resettle him. At 6am he insisted on getting up so i gave him a bottle and had quiet time in the bedroom until 7am.
How do i get him to sleep longer?

If I could answer that one I'd be a millionaire! (actually a billionaire )

hi OuiOui - blimey it sounds like it might be working! Fantastic. You will have good and bad nights - so if ds has a bad night dont give up. As he gets older the good nights will get more and more.
As for the waking up early - do you think that this is because it is light? Ds has a black out blind. Also - what are your ds naps during the day?

hey carlyb
are you sure you're not actually tracy hogg. i have indeed had a few disturbed nights since i last signed on here.
about 2/3 wakenings but ok to settle again

however early wakening are a little bit too early;
yes there is a bit of liht but also there is noise as we live in Bangkok and here there is very little respect for the hours where noises are acceptable - luckily the kids are on the quieter side!

oh and he has 2 naps during the day. and trouble is the morning one is geting increasingly early as he's awake so early.

CarlyB - need some more moral support and stories of a settled baby. Have tried to get in touch via contact another talker but Mumsnet Moderator need you to update your member profile to allow members to
mail you - following the links from the homepage. Hope to hear from you.

My DS1 was exactly the same - we had sleep specialists round etc etc In the end i did the controled crying thing. Every night i was consistent and reacted the same way every night - kind but let him know i wasnt going to give in - it took seven nights before we noticed a change - it can take 2 weeks - keep trying - be consistant and persistant