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Sleep

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Original poster

Only mummy will do

19 replies

fluffyanimal · 11/10/2006 17:50

is there anyone else out there who can't have a break in the evenings, because only mummy will do at bedtime? DS is 7 months, quite a good sleeper but will only let me put him to bed. I think this is because he was bf until 6 months so obviously I was always doing the bedtime feed. Now he has bottle and is happy to let DH or Nanna give it during the day, but he gets upset if anyone else puts him to bed, won't take the bottle and screams. Before anyone suggests it, I know that CC is not for me. Will this get better? Should we just keep trying?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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PeppermintHippo · 11/10/2006 17:56

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Original poster

fluffyanimal · 12/10/2006 08:50

bump
Nobody else? I expect my problem seems a bit trivial compared to others but I'd really like some advice.

OP posts:

Bozza · 12/10/2006 08:53

fluffyanimal I am sure it will get better over time. I think it is a gradual thing. What is your bedtime routine like?

Original poster

fluffyanimal · 12/10/2006 10:40

Fairly standard bedtime routine: dimmed lighting, hushed voices, nappy change, clean teeth, grobag, bottle, fall asleep on my lap with the aid of gentle head stroking and/or sucking of my finger or his thumb.

I just feel so embarrassed at always having to make excuses to friends who invite me out in the evenings, they say "can't you leave him with your husband" and I look like the complete soft as sh* parent who is spoiling their child. Not even my friends with babies have this problem. Most of them have family close by who have been involved from the start but my family live at the other end of the country and it's just been me and hubby from the outset, so DS is not used to anyone else. Sorry for whinge but none of my friends seem to understand.

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Bozza · 12/10/2006 12:34

I understand that. It was definitely very much DH and I at the start. I think it will gradually change though although we were a bit different because we always cleaned teeth after milk, and then had a story and then into the cot with perhaps some stroking/soothing etc to settle.

How well does he settle? Couldn't you go out after that?

Psychobabble · 12/10/2006 12:38

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Original poster

fluffyanimal · 12/10/2006 13:47

Psychobabble, good luck! I'm relieved to hear I'm not alone.

Bozza, it's fine once he's in bed, and yes, I have been out in the evenings after about 9pm, but that's not so good if you are invited out to dinner, and I had to miss a friend's wedding recently because of this. Oh well, I know it will get better, just hope it doesn't take too long.

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Tatties · 12/10/2006 21:12

Fluffyanimal, only mummy will do for my ds at bedtime too! He is 18mo, bf to sleep, so I just have to be there really... I know what you mean about people not understanding why your dh can't just put him to bed if you want to do out. You are definitely not alone

[Sorry for hijack but hello Psychobabble! How are you doing?]

Bozza · 12/10/2006 21:56

fluffy I know it seems like forever at the time but jsut wait until you have stroppy 2yo saying "I don't like mummy" and refusing to sit next to me at the table. But next item on the agenda I had to do it and she didn't like Daddy.

So if you can't get out until 9 that means he is not settling until quite late. Could you bring his bedtime forward slightly to give you more of an evening?

Original poster

fluffyanimal · 13/10/2006 08:37

Bozza: [sympathy emoticon]
He's a bit funny with his bedtimes: most of the time he wants to go to bed at around 7.30 but somtimes he's just too eager to be up and soaking up the world and fights sleep, no mattere how dull i make the environment!

Last night he took half his bottle from daddy before he started fretting. Maybe we just have to keep trying until he decides it's OK.

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Original poster

fluffyanimal · 13/10/2006 08:37

Last night he took half his bottle from daddy before he started fretting. Maybe we just have to keep trying until he decides it's OK.

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Psychobabble · 13/10/2006 11:59

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Tatties · 13/10/2006 20:28

Fluffyanimal, you are possibly already doing this, and I realise it is hard to really tire them out until they are a bit more mobile, but I have always found it easier to get ds to bed at a reasonable time if we have been out in the fresh air / at some kind of social group / visiting people / swimming, etc.. I mean he always still needs me and a bf to get to sleep, but I find the process much quicker and earlier if we have had a busy day out than if we have spent it indoors!

Bozza · 13/10/2006 21:37

fluffy I think tatties makes a good point. I think I would continue as you are (trying with Daddy etc) but also make an effort to regularise his bedtime so at least you can commit to evenings from 8pm or whatever.

Thanks for the sympathy but DD has been a total angel today despite no nap.

tribpot · 13/10/2006 21:43

Do your friends not have kids? Dh does the actual put-down here but the bedtime/bathtime routine is always a joint effort. This is partly through choice and partly because dh is physically well enough to cope with it on his own. I'm pretty sure we would do it this way regardless. Very occasionally, like maybe three times this year, I have gone out before bedtime and ds has had a late put-down without a bath, he is 15 months.

I don't know if I am barking mad, but I thought not being able to go out until after bedtime was normal (if rather annoying) - perhaps your friends need to readjust their expectations?

The way we work it is that I do the cooking or dishwasher or whatever whilst dh does the put-down, I think the key thing is to make sure that other tasks are happening whilst you are busy with bedtime.

tribpot · 13/10/2006 21:44

Sorry, "is physically well" = "isn't physically well"!

KMCL · 17/10/2006 09:35

My DD is almost 3 and is the same, mummy must put her to bed and she will cry if DH tries.

But if I am out she is more than happy to let Daddy put her to bed and she goes to sleep quicker for him.

Might be worth trying for an night, go out and let your DH try putting him down. Don't go far away, even sit in the car! and any problems he can call you to come back.

Psychobabble · 17/10/2006 20:14

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deaconblue · 17/10/2006 20:34

We had the same thing until last week I think it was because ds was breast fed and fell asleep on me. I was really worried about what would happen when I gave up feeding but we've been taking it in turns to do the bath, bottle and bed and it seems to be ok so far. We want a weekend away so are talking anyone willing to do the bedtime routine. GRandma did it tonight and it was ok. I'd say get lots of people, including dh to do the routine as often as you can and it'll get better.

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