May have to start co-sleeping, is this a bad idea?

[wellsie]

DS1 slept through the night from 5wks up until he was 2 and then suddenly started waking in the night. I have posted many a time on here about his night waking and wanderings but nearly 10mths down the line and a new baby we are still all suffering. Told DH that I thinkg the only solution to getting him back to sleep is to bring him into bed with us. DH is so tired that I think he may agree. Picture the scene DS1 wakes at 1.15am, keep putting him back to bed. DS2 wakes at 2.30am, feed DS2 and he's back to sleep at 3am DS1 still getting up, eventually goes back to sleep at 4.50am. DS2 wakes at 6.30am and so does DS1 - EVERYONE IS TIRED!
We have tried everything but I think the fact that we live in a town house doesn't help as DS1 is on his own down there. Have tried night lights, sleeping in his room (which is a big game to him) being very cross with him, star chart, etc,etc. Is it such a bad idea to co-sleep. your thoughts would be welcome.

I think if it means you will all get a better night's sleep then it's not such a bad idea to co-sleep. Start him off in his own bed and then bring him into you when he first wakes.

Although not the same (or as bad) as your situation, dd2 (18mths) had started waking at 5am and after a couple of weeks of trying to get her back to sleep in her own room, we gave in and now bring her in with us when she wakes. We all go back to sleep until about 7.30am and are all much less tired because of it.

It won't be forever, and if you feel that you will sleep ok with him in the bed, and won't come to resent it then it might be the best idea for now.

If it works and you get more sleep then not a bad idea IMO. He's not still going to be there when he's twelve, after all.

All I have heard about co-sleeping is that once you start, its incredibly difficult to then stop...so you may be better placed to battle on with new techniques (and old?) until he's settled rather than create a new situation for yourself that you'll have to extract yourself from later...

Have you seen "house of tiny tear-aways" on digital (think BBC3 or BBC4) - they have whole families where they can't get the kids out of the parental bed - and some of these children are 7 yrs + !!

Speaking from my experience I would avoid co-sleeping at all costs, it is hard to get them back in their own beds again.
Do you know why he is waking?

P.S. as clarification to my earlier post -- not a bad idea assuming you are prepared to stick with the cosleeping long-term (thinking in terms of a couple of years rather than a few months). If you don't want to do that, then best not to start.

I would avoid co-sleeping at this age. I coslept with my dd until she was 2, never after.
I think it's a behavioural issue, rather than a genuine need for you in the night
I would try the rapid return technique as advocated by tanya byron, coupled with extra attention and rewards in the day...

you know what, cosleeping was the norm everywhere in the world until say the last 150 years where a few wealthy nations have slowly made cosleeping taboo and 'a bad idea'.

if children didn't sleep with their parents, they sleep with siblings.

the majority of children go on to happily sleep through the night around three with no 'encouragement' from their parents. sleep issues are largely made by parents trying to fit a square into a circle.

my dh and i relish the time our dd spends in bed with us as soon enough, she will rather sleep in her room, in her bed. it will be just a fraction of the time she will sleep when you think of how long i hope to have her in my life.

we've done on a temporary basis when DS1 feels the need. When he started walking, when I stopped feeding on demand during the night. Sometimes he would sleep with us for a few weeks and happily transfer back to his bed. We've a new baby in the house this week so he's been wandering into DH's bed most nights.

go with it; it doesn't have to be forever.

Thank you for all your posts, especially "Somethingunderthebedisdrooling" Great name by the way!! I am prepared to stick with it for as long as it takes for DS1 to settle again. Even thinking that when DS2 is old enough we will put them in the same room for company even though we have 3bedrooms.
Thanks again.

I've not read all the posts but I really wouldn't do the cosleeping thing.

We ended up doing it with ds1 who was incredibly difficult as a baby and toddler and we got so exhausted then that we didn't have the strength to keep taking him back to his own bed all the time (because we were getting woken up all the time - vicious circle).

Eventually we cracked it but I do believe there is a danger that they end up trying to get into your bed even at 7+ (and older). And this kind of behaviour does seem to turn into other behavioural problems somehow - I think it has to do with lack of understanding of boundaries.

Wellsie, no matter how tired you are I would try not to let your ds into your bed. If necessary do 'shifts' with your dh taking him back to bed so at least one of you sleeps at night (to avoid getting into the situation when you are too tired to cope with it).

I speak from painful experience.

Perhaps he just needs a it of extra security for a while. It won't last forever. Co-sleeping DOES NOT cause any problems - a child who feels secure when young is more confident later. In any case, it is the best way to get the sleep you desperately need. When you are feeling stronger you can review the situation again.

Our ds was a night waker and used to manage to creep in our bed in the middle of the night without waking us up. We let him but also praised highly any time that he spent in his own bed.
Eventually he stopped appearing and slept the whole night in his bed.
I would start off the night in his own bed and try bringing him in with you when he wakes.

He may just need thay extra security because of the baby.

Co-sleeping caused me massive problems and I did a lot of reading on the subject and tried to justify it to myself. Only now that ds1 is 7.5 and finally (only 6 mths ago) sleeping properly every night and not coming into our room anymore is life getting back to normal.

TTAM - I suppose you have had a positive experience of cosleeping (?) and we are all different but I have to say I haven't come across many people who have used it as a successful long term strategy to combat sleep problems in their children.

I never co slept with the dd's after my cousins experience.She co slept with her little boy & now,at nearly 8 years old,he still refuses to sleep anywhere but in his parents bed.They haven't had an uninterrupted nights sleep in all that time.That was enough to put me off.

i still sleep with my 2year old ds, no hubby, so more room in bed and i do get kicked a lot! couldnt imagine having 3 in a bed. not unless it was 2 men of course

I didn't sleep in my own bed until i was around 9 yrs old due to coming from such a large family and i have no security issues! (if anything, a little too independent) having said that, i personally wouldn't do it with my ds apart from our lunch time nap together.

I would do it - it worked for us - and IME children outgrow the need at their own pace. It wasn't incredibly difficult for us to stop co-sleeping at all - quite the opposite. Ds had outgrown the need for it. He sleeps all night in his own bed now. I would do what you need to get the sleep you crave, personally.

(sorry for brief response but off to bed )

here is a good website to browse through at your own leisure which gives lots of researched based reasons why co-sleeping is a good idea and definitely not the root sleep disorders and insecurities: bawling babies

Hi wellsie - I don't have any experience of co-sleeping myself (yet...) as DD is only 8 weeks old, but I thought I'd pass on the advice of my lovely midwife who was a lifesaver in the early days - what's the point in you, husband and baby all being awake in separate beds when you could all be asleep in one bed?