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Sleep

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Original poster

You do not need f**king feeding!

38 replies

Misty9 · 12/12/2014 21:23

Please help, dd, nearly 8 months, wakes up multiple times between 7-7am and will only go back to sleep if I feed her. How do I get myself out of this hole I've climbed into? :( without completely disturbing ds, 3.4, into the bargain...

OP posts:

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Original poster

Misty9 · 16/12/2014 19:11

Thanks wild , it does really suck I agree. I've since taken the same view - its not forever and she's still so little.

If it was a case of just comforting her while she grumbled then we'd have stuck with it the other night - but this girl has very healthy lungs and screams like she's being murdered, to the extent she was gagging. I couldn't ignore that.

It's gone even more to shit since that night and she's waking every half hour or so until I give in and co sleep. It's like I've broken her trust and she now panics I won't feed her :(

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SpaghettiMeatballs · 16/12/2014 20:46

DS is exactly the same misty. When I had DD I couldn't really understand why people would rush to their baby. DD would 'disturb' which would mean she grumbled and snuffled a bit and 90% of the time would self sooth back to sleep.

DS wakes like your DD. Full on wailing and sobbing with tears running down his face. If I even go to the loo before going to him he gets louder and louder until he is absolutely roaring.

I half wonder if he knows it's the only time he gets me to himself!

Original poster

Misty9 · 16/12/2014 21:41

God forbid I go to the loo spaghetti !! She's asleep next to me after 40 minutes of screaming with daddy - ending in a bleeding ear where she'd been pulling it so much :(

I've emailed a sleep consultant...

OP posts:

Showy · 16/12/2014 21:49

Are you absolutely sure she's completely well?

Are you sure it isn't separation anxiety?

My ds had terrible separation anxiety and if I attempted to say no to the feeds or comfort in the midst of it (for example because I needed the toilet or my other dc needed me), he would become inconsolable. I mean shaking, sweating, sobbing, gagging. He is just sensitive. He's 3 now and still a sensitive little soul but at 8 months, he was clingy as hell. Nowadays he's much more confident and I'm pleased that I reassured him when he was in the middle of it all.

I'm afraid I have no advice as I took the path of least resistance. I knew that he needed me and nothing else at that point would do. The alternative would have been awful for everybody. It got better with the application of time and once he was older and could understand what I was saying, we easily negotiated our bfing relationship and beyond.

Secretblackandmidnighthag · 16/12/2014 21:53

If she's pulling her ear is it not her teeth? My DS always yanks at his ears when teething. Tried calpol? I still feed DS to sleep at night and he's two - you do what suits your child, don't stress yourself, you're knackered!

Original poster

Misty9 · 16/12/2014 22:19

I'm fairly certain she's not unwell - as soon as dh brought her downstairs she stopped crying and just looked knackered. However, I did notice her pulling on her ear earlier today so might get the doctor to check all is well.

I took the path of least resistance with ds, who fed to sleep until around this age but never had the unsettled evenings issue. She's definitely going through separation anxiety but I'm not sure that the answer is to feed her every hour and co sleep where I get rubbish sleep and poor ds gets rubbish parenting the next day... :(

Gonna leave her next to me for now as I can't face another wake up and I need sleep before she hunts the boob out again. Sigh.

OP posts:

Tranquilitybaby · 16/12/2014 22:33

It's probably just a phase, she needs you and you're doing a brilliant job, in your shoes, I'd just bring into bed with you from the start, she can feed as she wants to and I bet you'll both get more sleep.

As you say, it's not forever. X

Tigresswoods · 17/12/2014 06:54

Just frame Chipping's post. This sums it all up really.

MigGril · 17/12/2014 07:12

I had two not great sleeps and I really don't believe that a baby this age can go 12 hours without a feed. I know some rare ones do but must mums I've met are at least still dream feeding at this age. There is so much more to feeding then just good as well and babies often just need comfort. I fought it with my first and tired the conventional sleeping arrangements. we where all tried andgrumpy.

Second time we had a bedside cot. We all got more sleep. they both depth through at probably about the same age. And they both sleep in their own bed all night now at 7 and 4. On the plus side having the bedside cot ment me and my son also had our own space I could move him over in the middle of the night and get a good chunk of sleep but workout having to get up. he started being put to bed in his own bed around 2. and would still get back into ours in the middle of the night for a feed until he dropped that feed and stared sleeping through.

yomellamoHelly · 17/12/2014 07:18

We introduced a bottle for precisely this reason. Once he was taking that well we started watering it down. Then using a dummy to delay getting the bottle. Then giving less and less when he did get a bottle. Then did cold turkey for last - really not worth getting up for - bit. Took about three months to sort out.

Cric · 17/12/2014 07:24

Our DD stopped feeding at night around 7/7.5 months. I think it was a mixture of having 3 meals a day (she did very well with her food) and we did send DH in to settle her and slowly just stopped offering milk and just hugging her to settle her back. She realised it wasn't worth waking up for. However I only did because I could tell she wasn't hungry and only feeding for comfort / sake of it.

Original poster

Misty9 · 17/12/2014 18:48

I have absolutely no problem with night feeds - my first dropped his of his own accord at 14 months - and I too am doubtful that babies can always last that long without milk. I am however reluctant to get my boob out every hour of the evening - i know it's not just milk to her but I also need some down time without a child attached to me!

We co slept until she was 3 months or so and had a bedside crib that's too small for her now. I Don't sleep well when co sleeping so it's not a long term solution for us. However, last night was relatively ok as she was on top of the covers in our bed and only woke twice. Feeding her to sleep now so we'll see how it goes.

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wildstrawberryplace · 18/12/2014 11:09

With my DS, I wonder if its the co sleeping that is causing it. In the sense that he wakes up every hour during the evening and I feed him back to sleep, but he goes much longer stretches once I get into bed next to him. As if he wakes up and thinks "Where's mum?". He's more settled once I go to bed, even if he does wake for milk a few times.

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