8mo won't go back in her cot at night!

[CoodleMoodle]

DD is nearly 9mo and for the past few days we've been having the same crappy sleep issues.

If she wakes in the night she won't go back in the cot. She won't even let me get into bed with her, or sit up against the headboard. She wants me sitting up on the edge of the bed holding her. The second I move she starts thrashing and screaming and doesn't stop until I go back to the edge. This can go on for 3hrs and I can't take it anymore. She won't sleep for DH or anybody else, it has to be me or she goes nuts.

To go to sleep she needs (both naps and bed):

• Bedroom, dark and quiet

• White noise (don't always use it for night wake ups)

• Thumb and a muslin to hold

• Me (VERY occasionally will go for a nap with DH but never bedtime)

• Rocking on edge of the bed (used to need walking around bedroom so this is an improvement)

No car or buggy naps anymore, she just screams. I feel so trapped but that's another matter.

She's slept through many many times, and before now waking in the night meant a quick cuddle and back to bed. But now it's not working and I'm at the end of my tether. I dread going to bed. Her daytime naps make no difference as to whether this happens or not, and she falls asleep as soon as she's on my lap. It's when I move AT ALL that she wakes up screaming. I've tried leaving her but that wakes her up even more and then it goes on for longer.

I can't do it any more, I just can't. Please tell me there's something I can do? She'll have five awful nights and then two where she doesn't wake at all, and nothing much changes day to day

Morning Coodle. Have some sympathy and strong

DD2 is 7mo and her sleep has been getting worse since 5mo - up to then she was a great sleeper. Last 2wks she has only slept on my chest or very briefly next to me, but never more than an hour or so.

I start sitting upright with her head under my chin, then once she dozes off I slide down to lie almost flat. And I'm wedged with v-pillows so she/I can't roll.

It does feel like I'm pandering to her. However DD1 went through a similar phase, and it will pass. I put it down to teething, development, separation anxiety, and a cold, the combination resulting in her wanting to be upright and held.

So no help or magic advice, just sympathy. It will pass, honestly.

Ohh yes what about putting down on her tummy would that help? Ds has to sleep on his side funny thing! Hope you get some relief

Thanks Gin. I'm just clinging onto the hope that she'll go back to her normal, relatively good sleeping self soon... I managed to lay on my back with her for an hour or so, but this was a fluke as over the last couple of days she's woken up at the slightest movement. We're up for the day now and she'll sleep fine in the cot.

And Ickle, no tummy time is tolerated here! She's always slept on her back, even when she was tiny and had awful reflux she's refused all other positions (except when I'm involved obviously).

The HV is coming over today to "help with her weaning issues". They've been utterly useless so I'm not holding out much hope. We've managed for several months without them and now they're back with their 'advice' (eg. "DD will only sleep for 45mins in the day. Help!" "Well... Have you tried, y'know, just getting her to go for longer?"). Can't wait to see what she says about this!

Definitely time for controlled crying in my opinion. She's in a bad sleep habit of waking after a short cycle and she can be trained to sleep for longer, and to fall asleep on her own in the cot, but it will be hard. However, she's crying a lot at the moment anyway so allowing her to cry isn't going to be much more distressing for her than what is already happening and is you are resolute it will lead to a better sleeping baby very shortly.

I think you're right, Ehric. What really seems to upset me is that before all of this started she was sleeping through most nights with no problems. Then she got a cold and hasn't been the same since. Now it might be teething but we can't be sure obviously.

I just don't want her to get over whatever it is that's currently bothering her and for this to continue because she's used to it. And I can't rock her to sleep much longer as she's getting heavy and I'm struggling with holding her for so long.

Thank you all for your support

I think controlled crying is not appropriate here. Given that a change in position wakes her even from a deep sleep and she screams if held in anything other than upright I strongly suspect you've still got (in)digestion issues. Make an appointment with your GP, possibly with HV in attendance too so everyone is on the same page and describe exactly what her behaviour is.

Northern, thanks for your reply.

DD officially has CMPI and was on milk for that. Then three weeks ago today she was diagnosed with 'transient lactose intolerance' from a viral infection and put on Nutramigen 2. We're supposed to put her back on her old CMPI milk today but I'm not sure. She takes no solids whatsoever. Could it really 'just' be digestion issues?

And I'm afraid I have no trust in the HVs after three of them said it wasn't possible for her to suddenly develop CMPI after 2 months of being okay, despite the family history and, well, the evidence. When I spoke to the GP he couldn't believe I was told that and gave us the CMPI milk immediately. Different baby after that.

HV been and gone. She's very sweet but couldn't offer me any advice except for DH to try bedtime a bit more often. We were planning on doing that over his Christmas holidays but it doesn't really help me now

Dreading tonight already, but at least DM is coming over tomorrow so I'll get a few minutes to myself!

Oh dear glad your dm is coming hope she can take dd out for a walk so you can sleep. My ds has stopped letting dh put him to bed we keep trying but he screams blue murder- I go in 2min cuddle and put him down and he is will get himself to sleep. Him being clingy comes and goes but is draining. Have you managed to nap in the day?

Ickle, I'm so sorry you're suffering. DD won't settle for DH at all, so I know how you feel. Hope it resolves quickly

I try and sleep when she does at 8am, so I've had 45mins or so. She slept in her cot, as she did for the other two naps. All I want tomorrow is a shower and half an hour on my own! Actually, all I want is to sleep in my own bed with my husband...

And we're off. DH thought he saw a tooth when she was laughing earlier but when he had a feel he couldn't find it. I was really hoping that was the reason! She's done 45mins so clearly struggling to self settle after a cycle. This afternoon she slept for over an hour so she clearly knows how to do it!

One thing I have noticed today is that I can hear the milk sploshing around in her tummy hours after she's eaten. Never noticed that until the last few days and I'm sure it's not related but obviously clutching at straws a bit now.

And DM has just sent me a text to say she's coming Wednesday instead of tomorrow. It's only one day but I was so looking forward to it. Oh well, the days aren't as bad as I think they'll be.

How was your night?
I know even one day when you were expecting a break can feel like a lifetime. I get upset if expecting dh home and hes 1-2h late as normally misses bed time and I've hsd ds for 15h non stop!

Re milk sploshing about, did you say up thread that she won't take anything but milk at the moment? I wonder if it might be worth trying some food again? Something like baby rice or mushed down weetabix to help absorb some of the liquid so it's more 'solid' in her tum? Might help settle her?

Hope you've had a better night.

Just wanted to say my heart goes out to you, Coodle. My ds would only sleep on me for the first year of his life and would scream bloody murder if I attempted to change positions. My dread of bedtime began in the late afternoon. DS is about to be 18 now and sleeps for England but I remember those days clear as anything. I hope you and your baby girl find some sleep remedy..and soon! Please look after yourself and nap whenever you can, sleep loss is horrific.

Hi coodle,

Really sorry to hear you are having a rough time of things. My daughter is similar at 9 mo, and my eldest, like a pp's child, would only sleep on me for a good part of his first year. You have my sympathies.

A couple of things jump out to me from your posts. apparently teething pain is worse when lying down, as there is more pressure on the gums, which might explain why your little girl wants to be held upright. The other thing is that with my two (who both have severe reflux - my eldest is over 2 and still medicated), teething always made reflux worse. So even though it might not be a regular problem anymore, perhaps teething is causing a return of symptoms?

Could you try giving pain relief before bed? It tends to work better when given before pain gets too bad, rather than waiting for pain before giving it. Paracetamol and ibuprofen can be given alternately, so perhaps you could give ibuprofen at bedtime with last bottle, then paracetamol if she wakes again for milk/with pain?

Hope you both manage to get some rest soon.

I would try baby rice pablum too, unless there is a reason she can't have it.

SHE SLEPT IN THE COT ALL NIGHT! After that post I somehow got her back in her bed and she stayed there! She did cry in the night a few times but managed to settle herself after a few whimpers. I normally leave her for a minute in the hope that she will, and last night she did. I actually slept in my own bed and didn't have to get out until 6:30... Still exhausted but it's a start!

Now I'm going to torture myself all day wondering what I did that was different last night... We gave her some reflux medicine and teething gel - no Nurofen or Calpol. She had 2oz more in her bedtime bottle (back to her usual amount). Everything else was the same.

And, even more of a miracle, she actually took some purree from a spoon this morning. I'm not saying either sleeping or eating will stick but anything is better than before!

(For those asking, she generally refuses solids of all kinds, including things like Wheetabix and porridge, and finger foods. It's not through lack of trying though!)

Awh, that's excellent. Hope this is a turning point!! Could she be having a growth spurt? (when anything unexplained happens to my 2, I use the 'must be a growth spurt' as a reason!!)

Whatever it is, fingers crossed it continues.

oh, and with both of mine, they generally refused solids until about 8 months. I hated weaning, it was so frustrating to make something only to have one spoonful taken (and that spoonful dribbled out 2 secs later) and the rest refused. I just don't think they were ready, but when they were, they ate with gusto.

Thanks Sleepy, I'm just praying for a repeat performance tonight, dreading it in a way because I've almost convinced myself that it's over! It probably is a growth spurt, or making up for the week where she was ill and sleeping lots/not eating.

The weaning thing really didn't concern me until that week, and now today she's had two lots of purree! Not a huge amount but that's fine. I'm so proud of her today.

Good for you Coodle, glad you had a good night. I wonder if some babies really suffer with teething to the extent that they can't even tolerate a soft spoon IYSWIM. Dd is teething like crazy, and has gone off her food too.

All guesswork of course and probably completely wrong .

Are you feeding her through the night? Our daughter is just 8 months but still has 3 feeds through the night maybe around 10pm, 3am and 7am.

Another full night's sleep! She woke up crying at 9 and I went up and gave her a muslin, she started sucking her thumb and WENT BACK TO SLEEP! She has never really done this before, ever. I'm so proud! And then she woke at 11 so I did the same and yep, back to sleep.

Not saying it'll work forever or she's anywhere near getting herself to sleep in the first place, but I'll take it!

Thanks so much for all of the support

Yay!

If it was teething (which unusually only lasts a couple of days so might be the culprit) making her reflux worse, you might want to try doliprane instead of calpol / nurofen if it happens again - it doesn't cause stomach issues for obvious reasons. You can get it from French online supermarkets in the UK. We use it for DD and we've found it's much better, works faster and more reliable result because half of it doesn't end up down her front!

Yay!!!! Excellent news!