Desperate! Getting baby to sleep with toddler around

[blushingmare]

Oh goodness I'm hoping some of you knowledgable people can help, either with some ideas on helping the baby to settle or just some ideas on things to make me able to cope with this!

DS is 6mo and up until quite recently has really been a dream with his sleeps. For naps, I would put him in his cot, walk out and he'd grizzle a bit, go back in and rub his chest for no more than 30 secs or so til he was quiet, walk out again and he'd go off to sleep! At bedtime I'd just feed til sleepy, put him down and he'd settle off to sleep quite happily - not even any crying! Amazing.

But it's all gone really pear shaped and he just can't settle anymore. I just don't know how to deal with it as I have a 2.5yo DD, so when I am in with DS trying to settle him down, she is constantly coming in and talking and stuff so of course he'll never settle like that. During the day I quite often plonk her in her highchair with some colouring, or even food and go and deal with him, which sometimes works and sometimes results in her getting bored and calling for me or chucking her breakfast all over the place!

But bedtime is a total nightmare. DS is clearly tired and can't cope with staying up whilst I put DD to bed so he needs to go down first, but I can't leave him to settle anymore so what do I do with DD? She's already been looking at videos on my phone while I feed him so her patience with that is wearing thin. I try leaving her with some books and toys, but she just comes into my room, usually just at the point when DS is dropping off, thereby waking him up and we start again from scratch! I can't put her to bed any earlier as she goes at 7 now and often is a bit of a pickle with bedtime as we're in the process of nap dropping, so when she's had a nap she is often not tired enough even at 7.

I'm also aware that in order to get him quiet as quickly as possible so I can deal with DD, I've started rocking him and rubbing him right to sleep, whereas I used to do it til he was sleepy and then let him settle off on his own. So I'm probably making the situation even worse by giving him a nice big prop to rely on to get to sleep!

I just really don't know what to do, but am sure that plenty of people have the same situation, so how do you cope?!

When ours were smaller we used to bath them each evening together with some nice lavender bubble bath, then it was pj's, milk for the oldest and story time for them both. Then Ds1, about 2 1/2 at the time, went to bed first and then I would feed or spend time with ds2. Ds2 went to bed about 9 ish so there was a gap between settling them both down. They did share a room so it was best to have a gap. My midwife told me to take care of the needs of the eldest at the time as they are more aware of things, a baby won't remember being not being the focus of attention for awhile. I think it's also important to remember that everything is a phase and things will change...I don't think rubbing and rocking him to sleep is creating a prop, you're his mum, being there when he goes to sleep is great comfort....for both of you I hope. I fed both my DS's when they were babies until they fell asleep in my arms and then put them to bed, now at 7 and 4 they've been known to tell me 'you can go now' so they can get to sleep!

Bigger age gap here but I had the same problems! Took ages for DS1 to get the idea that if he let me settle DS2 I would then have more time just for him! I bathe them together and read to DS2 while DS1 feeds, then DS2 listens to a kids audiobook with my headphones in his bed while I settle DS1 to sleep. The audiobook is the only thing that will keep him entertained and stop him from bursting in to see how I am doing! Sometimes DS1 likes to help me 'sssshing' DS2, but as we also have a white noise track playing, that helps to drown out his voice!

Could you feed him at half six, put into the rocking crib in the lounge and while rocking him, read bedtime stories to dd. Once he is asleep, quickly up and tuck dd into bed and back downstairs. If he is waking after an hour anyways, transfer him upstairs when he wales then.

I do recall those days... as a help with coping, I enjoyed this picture book.

Hope you are able to sort it out and get some rest for all of you.

My DS is 9 months and DD 3.4. I bath them both together and then they have milk and story together. DS eventually gets distracted by the story and won't drink any more. On a good night I then put DD on her bed with some books/quiet toys and DS finishes his milk in his room. Then he falls asleep in cot while I sit with him. Often I have to lay him down 400 times as he stands up again and again. Eventually he stays laying down and I can sometimes come out before he's asleep,if he has the dream sheep on. Sometimes DD has fallen asleep on her bed by then (hurrah). If not she has a story and cuddle. It's taken a while to get her to stay in her room but constant reminders have eventually worked. I tell her DS has his special time and then she has her special time. We used to let her sit in front of the tv while I put DS to bed but we managed to drop that after a holiday with no tv.

On a bad night they are both in their rooms yelling while I run between the 2 every few minutes doing a bit of pat pat and cuddling of each. That's not much fun but eventually one of them dozes off.

Occasionally DD will sit quietly in DS room with me, as quiet as a little mouse I tell her, she lays on the spare bed and I cuddle her in between pat pats of DS in the cot.

It is hard and has got better and thankfully the running between the 2 bedrooms is now rare. Takes about an hour from milk to both asleep. I now prefer DH not to be home at bedtime as both small people get excited when he's home and DD faffs about with I want mummy no daddy no mummy.

It will get better

Thanks so much for all the really helpful ideas and just reminding me that it gets better! Some great things to try there. I've been experimenting this week with not giving DD a lunchtime nap and putting her to bed half an hour earlier, which has been much better, so maybe it really is nap dropping time!

Actually, last night I had a "holiday" and stayed with a friend with DS and DD had a sleepover at Grandma's. This was a most excellent solution !