toddler nap nightmare

[Evita]

Lordy, it's me again with this nap time dilemma. I'll be brief as I can: dd, 18 months, recently (well, almost 2 months ago now) cut down to 1 nap a day from having 2 for ages. I had a problem keeping her up for lunch so have been doing 11.00-11.30 lunch and putting down for a nap at 12ish. She's been sleeping anywhere between 1-3 hours which is fine, usually 1.5-2 hours. She sleeps 7.30pm - 7am most of the time, sometimes wakes earlier.

The problem is that although she's absolutely exhausted at nap time, rubbing eyes, yawning etc. she's screaming her head off when I put her down. And it goes on and on. I tried leaving her and it went on for almost 2 hours by which time I had to get her up. I've tried going in and out and that's much worse she goes wild with frustration every time I leave her. When I get out with her in the pram she's asleep in seconds but I obviously don't want to have to go out every nap time. Can't put folded out pram in the flat as too small and too many stairs to get in with her in the pram.

Why does she cry like this when she's clearly exhausted? What can I do if leaving her to cry doesn't work?

Sounds to me like she's 'overtired'. You may want to put her down a little earlier? HTH

Oh dear, pushchair is the obvious answer but then that would become a habit.
I agree with 2babies, put her down earlier and give her a high carbohydrate lunch.
The good news is, IME, that with toddlers if you get them in to a routine three days in a row it usually sticks.
Sympathies as I know how frustrating it is when youloose that precious nap time window.

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Galaxy, I think dd still really needs a nap though as she's utterly exhausted by 1pm if she hasn't had one. She just seems to be rebelling against the cot.

2babies, I wondered if she might be overtired but she refuses to go down any earlier either. Or any later. I've tried it all. If she's in the pram though she'll sleep earlier or later.

suzywong, I wish that was the case about the 3 days in a row thing. But for some reason dd was sleeping at this time with no problem until 5 days ago when she started rebelling against it.

sorry to hear that
all I can say is whatever you decide to use as the method make sure it's do-able everyday
WIM is we had exactly the (typing 1 handed while bf so excuse typos) same issue with ds1 and we used to stick him in the car and drive aroubd, I used to stroke his chhek with his fluffly toys whike sungung frere jacques 27 times, we used to rocl him up and down the hall in the buggy - all ridiculouslt time consuming things that werer nt teaching him hoe to settle but we couldn't see that ubtil one day dh jusy got hardcore and said ' you are having a nap, you are not coming out of your cot, see you when you wake up' pf course there was waiking and gbashing of teeth but eventually that sunk in and we saved a lot of petrol,
IME you just have to havr the confidence that you know best, that she needs the nap and that' that.

hth

Evita, sorry to hear that you're still having difficulties with your dd's nap. Snap . We've also given up on the mornign nap. Occasionally dd grabs one while we're out and about, but that only causes more problems, because she's then not ready for another nap until about 4pm, and boy-oh-boy is she grumpy afterwards. Ds is like that too, they just don't do late naps. When I can I also do the early lunch and early nap, but that just doesn't co-ordinate well with ds's eating and anpping needs.

What I've been doing is to put her down in her cot, and not say anything more than 'Go to sleep now', even if it's repeated over and over. I let her wriggle and adjust her position, but don't let her get her head or shoulders off the mattress. I stroke her back repeatedly, and after fighting it for a while she generally gives in, puts her thumb in her mouth and relaxes. She'll generally fight for up to 15m, but it can be less than 5m. I don't leave at that point, but just stand by her cot, facing away so as not to make eye contact. If she starts fighting again, I repeat earlier strategy. eventually she does go to sleep. Sometimes she'll seem to be asleep, but open her eyes from time to time. If she's doing that then I don't leave until I'm certain she's asleep. It can take up to 20m from the time she stops fighting.

If she goes down easily, without fighting, then I just stand by the door, in the room, for 5-10m.

I think that some of the fighting is fear that mummy will leave her. Certainly right now she goes down better if I'm in the room with her, but not interacting.

Strangely enough, we don't have this problem at night. Thank goodness!

Thanks Prettycandles. How old is your dd? I was wondering as I was trying to imagine how with my little dynamo I could prevent her from taking her head and shoulders off the mattress! She really fights against being laid down and I'd have to physically hold her in place. Actually I tried staying with her like you said but she just stood at the cot bars making curious noises and saying 'mamma?' over and over, even giggling about the fact I was still there. Yesterday dd tried dragging the fouton over to the side of the cot and lying down on it and pretending to go to sleep. She found it hilarious fun apparently. (wish I'd seen it too actually...)

Sigh ...

When you say she's cut down the nap - what do you mean? She wouldn't sleep in the afternoon after morning one or what?

Mine used to have both - tried to drop the morning one - but things became so ridiculous by lunchtime in way you describe - have re-instated morning one but earlier.

Basically she has a bottle of milk and a bit of toast and is back asleep by 9.00. Which means by 2 ish she's ready for another one. This has worked well, but know what a nightmare it can be. I

dd is 16m, and 'dynamo' describes her perfectly. I can't believe the difference between her and ds! At her age he was so easy-going and docile that I worried there must be something wrong with him. He's still an easy child, and loves his cot - no nap problems with him!

Yours sounds a really cutie, a right little madam - dragging the futon over and lying down on it !

My dd is a stomach-sleeper, and I know that she always falls sleep in the same position: on her tummy, right thumb in mouth. So I'm very firm with her and I do physically hold her in place. When I stroke her back I don't let her lift my hand up when she moves about. If she arches her head up then I gently push it down again on to the mattress and stroke her to keep it down. I don't press her down. If she turns over I turn her right back over again. I HATE doing it. But I'm convinced (because we have no night-time problems and she clearly needs the nap) that if we keep the napping habit going she will eventually pass through this phase and go down easily. In any case, she goes down much more easily for dh, so it must be something about me.

Evita - my 2yo DD won't nap in her own bed at all and hasn't done for months. She will nap really well after an early lunch 2 days a week at nursery, and like yot DD will nap in her pushchair/car seat very easily too.

To avoid the over tiredness thing when she was younger I swapped nap and lunch round which workd. I would give her a light snack before nap time, let her nap and then give her a lunch after the nap. She would still not sleep on her bed though so her nap times she is allowed to sleep in my big bed which she loves. She still does now. She gets to choose which side, takes her dolly and it seems to work.

For the past 2 or 3 months (maybe longer) her nap time has gotten later. She still tries to fight it but I think she still needs a good hour's nap early afternoon - even if she doesn't

tatcity, how old is yours?