When/where to put baby to sleep when starting sleep routine? Confused!

[Ruralrunner]

Hi folks, looking for some mumsnet wisdom! I have a 14-week old, and so far we don't really have a routine - just feed on demand (ebf) and wait for him to fall asleep late evening before putting him to bed in a crib in our room and taking myself to bed too. So - my question is this: I'm confused about conflicting advice regarding putting him down to sleep - the midwife told me to make sure he slept in the same room as one of us, even for daytime naps. So if I start a bedtime routine and put him to bed earlier, does that mean I have to go to bed earlier too? Am not really up for that, as husband isn't usually back home until at least 2000 so would never see him! Health visitor input has been minimal so haven't been able to ask them... What have other people done? Any advice appreciated!

I put my twins to sleep in their cots which were in our bedrooms from 2 weeks old (they were 6 weeks early) for all day and night sleeps.

Keeping them in the same room is part of SIDS risk removal. At about 16 weeks, my DS started to be unsettled in the evening when with us so I've now started settling him in bed and leaving him. So settle him at 8, have my evening and then go to bed at 10. I'm with him the rest of the time.

FWIW I know nobody who has kept their baby in the same room as them all the time for 6 months. I've fine better than most, but I have a very light sleeper who I cannot move around, and two other children who I sometimes need to go to in different rooms, and to me, having weighed this up, his sleep is more important than the tiny risk I'm now taking.

We have no other SIDS risk factors, so I'm comfortable with this. You need to be comfortable with what you do. Other people's experiences/decisions can only be a guide.

Something like 70% of SIDS deaths are before 4 months. Hence DH and I personally felt more comfortable about starting a bedtime routine in the evening once he hit 4m, especially given our low risk in other areas.

I kept DD with me at all times up to 6 months and her sleep is terrible even now at 3. With hindsight I knew she needed more routine but she was my first and I had a HV who put the fear of God into me re SIDS.

I'm now on number two and once he's bigger (4/5 months) and shows signs of being ready for routine I'll be more relaxed putting him down upstairs while I'm in the lounge. Still in our room so there'll just be a couple of hours where he's alone.

I put dd in her own room at 6 weeks. She was, and still is, a terrible sleeper. Ds slept downstairs with us of an evening and is a much better sleeper. He's used to sleeping through noise so will sleep through anything (except teething).

My health visitor actually suggested you start to put them down in their cot/crib in your room at night on their own from about 8 weeks. What I mean is, you would put them down about 8/9pm in your room and they would be on their own until you went to bed (In our case about 10pm).
Like you, this seemed to be against SIDS advice but we were happy, knowing that some move babies into their own room before the 6 mo mark anyway.

Our DS1 has gone down in our room at around 7.30pm since he was around 4 weeks. We then go to bed later. We have a monitor with a camera so just sit in the living room and watch him on the monitor screen. During the day he sleeps wherever, sometimes in his bouncer, sometimes I put him in the pram carrycot in the hall and sometimes I put him in his night time crib. I don't have him sleeping next to me all the time though but we're in a flat so it's easier to keep an eye on him. He's 10 wks.

Thanks all for the advice! Bit of a minefield, eh...?! Think will start to put him to bed after his bath and see how we get on. Fingers crossed!

Does anyone know why SIDS is reduced if you're in the same room? Is it because babies can hear your breathing and it helps them regulate theirs? It can't be because you're monitoring them as clearly you're asleep at times (hopefully!) when you're in the room with them...

The theory is the former Liney. Which is why listening on a monitor isn't the same protection.