10 weeks old and daytime sleep

[Redling]

Hello, I'm having a few issues with my 10 week old DS and his sleeping in the day. I'm pleased with his nighttime sleep which is settling to sleep from about 8 after bath until 11-12, then a feed, fees again around 3 and then around 6. He definitely understands 'nighttime' and rarely wants to do anything but feed and then straight to sleep back in his cot. My problem is working out how much he should be sleeping in the day. I've found it hard adjusting to the fact that he now won't just fall asleep in the day when he's tired, he will just keep going getting more crochety as he goes and it becomes the whole day of battling his crying. He also won't take a bottle when he's really tired and screaming, so when he does fall asleep he's waking up hungry again really quickly. It's a really delicate valence off then feeding him while he's docile. I'm just finding it difficult to adjust from the clockwork newborn who cries on cue for food and sleeps whenever! Our day pattern goes like this usually, up at 7-7.15, I put him in the swing and DH and I get ready. About 10 mins. Sometimes he falls back asleep in the swing which is great. He seems to then need to sleep from around 8-10 or 11am. Sometimes I can go to a song group and he wakes for it and then goes back to sleep. The main pattern is that if he's not back to sleep by 8am he's massivly cross. Awake around lunchtime and then asleep on and off in the afternoon, we tend to pop into town, go to swimming once a week. Then he is usually a bit crochety at 4 so I have to hold him and work to get him to sleep, which will be about 6ish. An hour of play and then bath, bed etc. This seems to be the optimal sleep day. But he won't do it himself as he gets very overstimulated quickly, stares at lights, frantically looking around. I follow his sleep cues as much as I can, but he seems to be eye rubbing and yawning within about 45 mins of waking up. I'm holding him sideways to my chest so he can't look around, shushing and rocking while he screams for 15 mins until he sleeps. Is this normal? I can't see any other way but it makes him distressed. My family just tell me he can't want to sleep if he's carrying on like that but if he's been awake 2 hours I have to as he must be exhausted. I'm doubting myself though and thinking am I forcing him to sleep when he doesn't need to, as he's still asleep so much of the day, and like I said he seems to yawn a lot. Should a 10 week old be awake longer than I've said he is? I just a find each day is becoming a confused battle of trying to feed him and make him sleep as he's not giving me much idea when he wants to do either now as he gets so distracted by the world! I find in scared to go out in case it disrupts him and he's awake for 3 hours. Do babies scream blue murder when you try to get them to sleep?! I'm a bit lost.

Hello, my ds is 11 weeks today (although 5 weeks adjusted) during the day we have no such routine I just go with the flow. I do still try to feed him four hourly like I do at night but it is more often three. He is Now becoming a bit more awake in the day so may have a day where he is awake for 30 mins-1hr then crashes out or awake only for food.

He is beginning to struggle with sleeping if it isn't on me. I can rock him off relatively quickly in my arms but he will wake If I put him down. Trying to resolve this with perseverance. He has also become very shouty when left with dh and won't settle with him which is upsetting.

Obviously each baby is different but yours does sound similar in many ways to mine. Hope the screaming decreases soon.

Hi Redling

My DS was the same as yours at that age, really really irritable when tired. The problem with a baby's brain is that it doesn't recognise it's tired so doesn't have the thought process of 'I'm going to go to sleep'. The baby knows something is wrong and that they don't feel 'right' which is why they cry. It can be emotionally draining trying to get a baby to sleep when you know they need to sleep but they don't - but to be honest 15 minutes of rocking etc isn't too bad.

Have you looked at Gina Ford's book "The contented baby"? It is about routines around feeding and sleep. It's not for everyone, some people hate her approach whereas others say her advice and guidelines are a life saver. Some parents stick to it religiously whereas others follow it loosely and adapt her routines to fit better into their life. I'm not a fan myself but I appreciate everyone parents differently.

I know what it's like to be fixated on sleep, I'm still like that myself and it drives me frantic sometimes. I try to be more relaxed and go with the flow but I'm not that kind of person unfortunately and instead I obsess over whether DS gets enough sleep and get really stressed when he won't nap.

Do you have an iPhone? There's a 'White Noise' App that you can download and I find it really helps. When I rock DS to sleep I play a noise (there's about 10 to choose from) and hearing the noise makes DS stop crying. When babies are really upset their brain is too 'wired' to sleep so the trick is finding something to calm them down. When their brain is calm that's when they can sleep.

Do you use a dummy? When my DS was younger he had horrendous colic and on the advice of my HV I introduced a dummy at 4 weeks of age and it was amazing!!! Babies are naturally soothed and comforted by the action of sucking and it was the only thing that would keep him calm. I would pop it in his mouth as soon as I felt he was getting upset and the sucking would prevent his upset from escalating and he'd fall asleep much easier!!

I'm starting to think a dummy would help. Before there didn't seem to be a need as he always wanted something when he cried, whereas now he does seem to be wanting comfort other than the obvious feeding, holding etc. I was with a friend for coffee just now and she recommended giving him some kind of comforter as he's been sucking his hands when not hungry, so I've stuck a muslin in with him and he's been chewing at it and fell asleep in the pram holding it in his mouth. Now he's awake, crying and I'm rocking and shushing! suppose I just need reassurance that babies do cry that much when tired and I'm not missing something obviously wrong. I can get through it if it's normal to have to battle them to sleep! Also when I hold him too me and Rock him he struggles and I worry it's close to crying it out, which I don't want to do, but I'm just trying to stop his attention from wandering as it does help him drop off.

You may have to try different dummies, as ds really struggled with the mam ones but was fine with the advent ones. He also is very hit and miss with them as well some times they really help and other times he just spits them out. He does look uber cute with them though!

I was going to suggest a dummy. DS1 is also 10 weeks and tends to sleep reasonably well during the day. As soon as he starts yawning and rubbing his eyes, I pop the dummy in and if he's in his bouncer, just pop it back and he's asleep in minutes. He uses the NUK one, it's a flatter shape and he seems to prefer it to the bigger ones. I don't think I could leave the house without the dummy now unless I wanted to feed him every hour!

Used the dummy a couple of times today, it stops the screaming! He takes a while to drop off with it, but still preferable to the scream then pass out which seemed to be all I could do! He is good with white noise at night, in that it turns a light sleep into a deep one, and it can even make him magically self settle at times, I see his eyes open and then slowly goes back to sleep. But noting like that works in the day. It's totally different. I don't want to start putting him up in the cot and bedroom because he's still so little he sleeps a lot, it's not set naps yet and he'd spend all day up there. When he settles to morning and afternoon nap I'll invest in some blackout curtains and start the cot naps!