Oh please help, I've gone very wrong.

[AngryBeaver]

Right, my 5 month old will only sleep when I'm holding her.
Them at night when I go to bed, she sleeps in a co sleeper cot. But if she wakes I have to take her into the bed with me.
I REEEALLY need some help here.
I feel she is too young to do cc. That doesn't sit that well with me anyway.
But for her own sake, she needs to sleep in her own bed.

How do I do it. It has become ridiculous.

When she is asleep in the day I have to sit on the couch holding her and no one can speak!

Hiya,

Sounds to me like you need to do some sleep training. Don't stress, these things are fixable, identifying there is an issue is the first step. I'd recommend getting a copy of the Baby Whisperer, Solves all your problems by Tracey Hogg. Her advice does not practice controlled crying. Look at the pick up put down section.

It'll be hard work and there will be moments that you'll feel like giving up, but stick with it and you'll reap the benefits.

Good luck.

Thank you. I enquired today about hiring a sleep consultant but she said it would be $600!!
I just don't know how I'm going to get her to settle withput offering the boob.
She won't take a dummy.
She seems completely unable to self settle.
She just screams and screams and hyperventilates, it's horrible. I do pick her up straight away but I've tried leaving her for a minute or two to see if she would stop.
She doesn't.

I put her in her cot everyday to get used to it and she 'plays' in there for a while.

The room is dark, I do the wind down and last feed.
I have white noise on in the room.

I just don't know how this will work.

People have completely different views on what they find acceptable with respect to sleep habits and she is your baby but can I ask why she needs to learn to sleep alone for her sake? I can fully sympathise if the situation is unworkable for you and you need to find a solution so you can get some sleep - all perfectly reasonable, no one can live without sleep - but why is co-sleeping a problem for her?

I should say that I co-sleep but it's not something I feel evangelical about, just what worked for us.

Sorry just to add another perspective: why does she need to learn to settle without the boob at such a young age? For me this is one of the main advantages of bf, you stick them on the boob they sleep so you don't have to use all sorts of other techniques with babies that find it difficult to fall asleep.

DD is 18 months & still wants BF for comfort some nights when teething/unwell, maybe its a bit like me wanting my hot water bottle or cosy duvet when I feel crappy
( especially this week as I've had toothache ) ,
personally I just go with the flow, we co-sleep and its great.

I got into a similar muddle with DC1. With DC2, we have embraced bed sharing from day one so they can latch on when they like in the night and I can still rest (learning to bf lying down was a god send!). During the day we use a good ergonomic sling (either a stretchy or woven wrap, you tube has lots of good videos to help you master it) so they get the closeness they need and I can still do things with DC1 (and daddy can sometimes take them out in it to give you a break!) .As others have said, little ones of this age CANT self-settle but if you give your DD plenty of touch, cuddles and reassurance she will learn in time - just like she'll learn lots of other things she's not physically able to do yet. This too shall pass! Good luck!

Plenty of 5 mo old babies can self settle... My first could by that age.

OP I can see where you're coming from, it's very hard if they won't sleep anywhere but on you. I would advocate co sleeping as well at night and a sling during the day. But if that's not working for you then there are some sleep training techniques that don't just involve leaving them to cry. The No Cry Sleep Solution has a good range of suggestions. Pick Up/Put Down worked well for us and required very little crying from dd. But you need to read about it and plan your strategy.

I agree they cant self settle at 20 weeks, you haven't gone very wrong OP, ( as your title says ) you have gone along with what your baby needs,

Well, what I have omitted is that she is my fourth baby
So I should know what I'm doing by now.
My first dd was like this.
Then the boys were completely different. Really chilled out, went down without a fuss. Had a routine going on from a couple of months, which worked well for us.

Now. The reason that I say it's for her own good is this, I don't know what you ladies do in the evening. But when I have run around all day after 4 children, and cleaned and tidied and done the ironing nd everything else that goes with being a sahm.
(And working mums too, before I am flamed!)
I like to flop on the sofa with dh and watch a HBO series, or a film.

I feel it's not fair on her to sleep on me like this. Me eating a curry over her head watching House of Cards!

She stirs and grimaces and wakes and I think she just needs to be in a quiet dark room.

We do co sleep, but every time I move she wakes up. So no, it's not working for us really. I haven't got the luxury of sleeping in with her during the day like I did with dd1.

I,am.knackered.

We also emigrated to the other side of the world when ds2 was 18 months. So I have no family support and dh works long hours on the mainland.

I would dearly love to put her down at 7 pm-with the others- after a story and a feed and say night night! And know that she's getting a good rest too.

Daytime naps are not happening well ever.
As I said I have to put her on the boob when she sarts rubbing her eyes, and she sleeps, but then I'm stuck there!
I haven't got time to be stuck there!!

It can be really tough with some babies. DD was high needs and DS doesn't seem to be a big fan of sleeping either which is much more difficult with DD also around now - I sympathise.

Unfortunately I am not sure what you can do about it. I am a put up,with it and this too shall pass kind of person but even if one wanted to be proactive sleep training techniques are generally recommended for older babies.

Can you just take a deep breath and see if you can put up with some of this? Watching TV and eating over the baby is quite common, or at least I assume it is as that's what I do.

Can you have some early nights? Put everyone else to sleep at 7.30 and then go straight to bed with DC4? A bit of sleep may make you feel more human again.