Anyone else with a non sleeping older baby?

[catlass]

My almost 11 m old has never slept through. In fact most nights we're lucky if he does more than a few hours. He is tired out well in the day, we go to groups in the morning and often walks or to the park in the aft. He has a routine which works well in the day and he has a blackout blind in his room. I am bone tired. Feel like I am swimming on treacle most days. I'm back to work soon to top it off, eugh.

Debating whether or not to take him and the toddler to toddler group this morning. Not sure I have it in me after he spent hours crying last night for no reason .

How are others coping? Or not?

Do you mean more than a few hours at a time or more than a few hours all night long?

If you mean the former then yes, my first child didn't sleep through until he turned 4, and even now at 4.5 he wakes at least once in the night for a variety of reasons; needing the toilet, too hot, too cold, thirsty, nightmare, last night was "because I miss you mummy and I want a cuddle"!!!

My second DC slept through at 7 months and has only woken my twice in the last 9 months. How they differ!

It doesn't help but I have a family member who is a paediatric consultant and he says the non-sleepers are highly intelligent that was his only view on it after 40 years on the job.

How do I cope? I hunker down and look to the future because I know it won't always be like this.

Every time I feel like a bad mum because I am too tired to want to play with my DC, or even cook them a highly nutritious dinner every single time, or socialise as much as I'd like, I tell myself through gritted teeth that it will not always be like this.

I also have growths on my brain which totally exhaust me physically because my brain has to work so much harder to try and complete normal everyday tasks. But even without that I know I'd have struggled because I was always one who needed 7-8 hours sleep every night.

All I can suggest is lower your standards temporarily because it won't last forever. And hang onto that fact. It's like parents potty training, you know they'll all get there because you never see healthy 16 year olds still in a nappy

Oh I also found that the less sleep they have in the daytime the less they sleep at night. It's a weird thing. My first DC fought daytime sleep in the pushchair and so my second DC I always put to bed for the daytime nap which worked a dream, and even now if I don't put down in the cot then daytime sleep just doesn't happen.

It would also be worth considering earlier nights because the more sleep they get the more sleep they need. Everyone told me the opposite (saying beware the daytime nap or they won't sleep at night) but it just proves each child is different.

Yup my three year old never sleeps longer than about two hours at a time. It's shit but I've sort of adapted to it. Never having another one though!

Not much to add but just wanted to say you're not alone. My 14 month DD has never slept through. Sometimes I can cope with the exhaustion and other times I feel like it'll break me. I read recently a saying 'the days are long but the years are short'.

It's got to get better at some point, right?

Thank you for your reply! I meant a bit of both, he often will sleep for a few hours then that his him for the day. He looks so good on it, you would never guess that he has so little sleep. Me on the other hand...creature from the black lagoon springs to mind

Oh my gosh, I can't believe it took your son so long to sleep through! I remember my eldest maybe woke once a night at 10 months and I thought I was hard done by, oh how I laugh about that now! Childless friends who like to give "helpful" suggestions drive me crazy, as if I haven't tried everything already.

I think you're right about lowering standards, I started to realise that this weekend. I often feel guilty that our meals aren't the best or the kids have watched too much telly but i think I need to get over that. Thankfully I have a very supportive DH who says long as we're all in one piece then he's happy lol.

I've found the same with my son that if he doesn't have a good day time nap then his night time sleep is a lot worse. He gets overtired. Unfortunately he is a rubbish mapper as well. He has a habit of falling asleep on the way home from groups as well and even if he's just had five mins in the car he thinks he's done for daytime naps, eugh!

Ash-another one not sleeping through for years, I don't know how you cope!!

Tiredbadger-yes that's exactly how I feel, like it could break you. The sleep deprivation is so awful, I can are why it is used as a form of torture! Hope it does get better soon.

I'm gonna brave toddler group today. Hopefully he doesn't fall asleep on the way home so he can have a big lunch and a nap!

My 11 month old DD has slept through once so far (about 4 months ago!) so I feel your pain . She also seems happy on very little sleep. I've almost cracked her daytime naps but it hasn't helped her night time sleep at all, in fact I think she's the only baby who sleeps less at night if she has a decent nap. All my NCT friends babies have slept through since about 6 months, some even earlier and I feel like I must be doing something wrong!!

Hi OP - if you have the finances try Ann. She completely turned around my non-sleeper when he was 21 months old. Prior to that, he'd been awake every 1-2 hours since birth and absolutely refused to consider sleeping in a cot.

Also, coping at work with a non-sleeper is actually a lot easier than coping at home because you've got other things to think about other than how bloody tired you are!

How I envy your NCT friends, it would be so amazing of he'd slept through from 6m. What are your little girls naps like? How long?

My husband and I used to stare at each other in our zombie state, and ask ourselves if you can actually die from tiredness!

Lots of good info here and Ann is excellent.

Studies have shown that babies who aren't sleeping well at 8 months still don't sleep well at 3 years so it's a good time to sort it out as it can continue indefinitely and sleep is so important for good health, development, behaviour. The list is really endless and doesn't take into account the stress on parents and other family members. There is a lot you can do without what people think is typical with sleep training. A lot can be changed by looking schedules and routines. I'm sure he's quite overtired and as a previous poster said, sleep begets sleep. I hope he starts sleeping better soon. I know how exhausting it is going for months without sleep (my oldest was my inspiration to become a certified sleep consultant)

My ds didn't sleep through til 20 ish months - but now does it consistently - we coped by bringing him in with us on second waking. he sorted himself out as soon as he went into a big bed - he just clearly hated cots and was waking himself up when he moved around and I wasn't going to use death trap bumpers!

Thank you all for the brilliant advice. I will look into Ann. How many naps should he be having at this age? He's currently having one (short!) one after lunch but I'm wondering if it would be better to do a nap mid morning and a late afternoon nap around 3? Or is that too late? He is definitely overtired.

At 11 months he should ideally be having 2 naps. DD has half an hour in the morning and an hour to an hour and a half just after lunch, and that's less then most of the other babies we know the same age!

Blimey no wonder I never get anything done around the house! Right two naps it is then, thanks :)

It might be worth planning a couple of drives a day if that's a sure-fire way of getting him to nap, just to set his internal clock for two naps a day. He shouldn't really be going down to one nap after lunch until he's well over one. His night sleep is probably crap due to chronic over-tiredness.

Try 2 naps one 2 hours after waking then next 3 hours after that then bedtime 4 hours after that 2-3-4 can't remember who told me about it but it worked for us. Although by a year ds was down to one nap. Also if they wake up after a short whole don't treat it like the end of nap try and coax them back to sleep like a night waking!
Some people have sleeping napping babies others don't - I can spend as long getting ds to nap as hen dos. I got nothing done whilst I was on maternity leave as I spent hours just trying to get him to sleep it can still be a bit like that.

Thank you! Will try the 2-3-4 thing tomorrow and great tip about driving the car to get him to sleep.

That's how I feel I've spent my mat leave too. With a potty training toddler thrown in for good measure

Another tip to see when they're getting overtired is to look for a yawn. Apparently if you miss he first two then by the third they will be into overdrive. I found my first DC wasn't obvious with his tiredness so I had to resort to yawn counting which really helped!