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Original poster

Attempting to night-wean my co-sleeping toddler - luck/advice/hand holding appreciated!

12 replies

soulpunk · 18/10/2014 17:55

Trying the Jay Gordon method tonight for the first time, never done ANY kind of sleep training, against it really. But just found out I'm pregnant with DC2 and need to start the slow process of getting our 21MO DS sleeping a bit better. He still wakes every 90-120 mins and goes nuts unless he gets boob. Have tried DH comforting him a long time ago but never really got anywhere as he would just protest and kick and punch til he got what he wanted. Preparing myself for no sleep and a lot of screaming/crying/wrestling...

OP posts:
YokoUhOh · 18/10/2014 18:01

In exactly the same position OP! DS is 2 next month and my periods haven't come back. I'm waiting until half term but I'm doing Jay Gordon too, so I'll let you know :)

fishnettights · 18/10/2014 20:12

Did this a few weeks ago with my 21mth old.

Went surprisingly easily. Only issue is she still wakes. She settles with a cuddle but boob was quicker!

I haven't done stage 3 though.

Explain, explain, explain.

Have water. My daughter got angry at first but wanted water once she realised I wasn't going to feed her.

I was terrified of starting phase 2 but it was actually easier than phase 1.

Now if I could work out how to get her to bed without boob......

bluetoes · 18/10/2014 20:24

I did this when DS had just turned 2. (we'd tried before, but I gave up almost immediately because the crying sounded distressed)

It worked very well. A couple of things I found that helped - instead of choosing the six or seven hours suggested, I decided to go for the whole night, as I thought it would be easier for DS to understand that no feeding happened in bed at all any more. I explained to him what was happening, and told him he could feed as much as he liked during the day - and for two weeks he really increased his daytime feeding, but then went back to just once in the morning and a bedtime feed. It was like he needed the reassurance that it was still there. I would feed him to sleep downstairs , and carry him up with me when I went to bed. It was all surprisingly easy - no crying, a little grizzly protesting, and that was it. He self- weaned entirely at age 3, and now at nearly four us still co- sleeping with us :)

NumTumDeDum · 18/10/2014 20:34

Following with interest. We are all exhausted, I've just read the method, sounds like what i've been trying to find.

Original poster
soulpunk · 18/10/2014 22:13

Wow thanks guys, I was getting nervous but it's helped to read others' experiences. I still expect it to be terrible though!

Thanks fishnettights I'll take him a drink up.

Ah yes see bluetoes I had thought of that - I mean, how do they know it's only for 7 hours? However, he has just had his first wake up and I did feed him as per the guidance Confused Off to bed now anyway. Will report back in the morning!

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Original poster
soulpunk · 19/10/2014 09:09

SUCCESS! We got through the night ok and he's his usual chatter box self this morning. He woke up 3 times, each time decreasing in the length of time he was awake. First was about an hour and a half, second about 45 mins, third about 20 mins.

I didn't feel guilty, I felt in control. I think the fact that he's had a few tantrums in the daytime made me able to cope better, if that makes sense? I know when he's trying it on. Also there weren't really any tears, just lots of shouting, screaming and twisting round and round on the bed. He wouldn't let me hold/touch him at first, just kept pushing my hand away and saying "Boobie mommy, open the boobie!" (bless!) but I just kept trying to sooth him saying "I know, it's ok, boobie's asleep now, you sleep" etc. Then eventually he went quiet. That was kind of eerie actually bc he just lay there with his eyes open for about 15 mins. Eventually he started nodding off with his hand down my top. He did this each time after, but it was much quicker the next two times.

Those watching, feel free to ask if you want any more info. Just to add, I am a total wimp and have never been able to let him cry even for a second. And I'd thought about doing this for almost a year but I think it was obviously the right time bc I didn't feel bad at all. Just hope I can keep going!

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bluetoes · 19/10/2014 09:36

Hurrah! I think you know when your child is genuinely distressed - the first two times I tried it the first time he cried sounded upsetting to me, so we just stopped and went back to it a few months later.

Not to discourage ( just so you're prepared) DS did protest a bit more on the second night, when he realized this wasn't a one- off, but still no real upset. The third night was easier and after that it was plain- sailing :)

bluetoes · 19/10/2014 09:38

Also, not clear from your post, but are you feeding him at night? For the first three nights I would feed whenever he woke up, but not allow him to fall asleep feeding. He was only ever awake for five minutes at a time. I didn't stop feeding until the second phase

Original poster
soulpunk · 19/10/2014 09:52

Thanks so much, will brace myself for tonight! No turning back now!

No, I only fed him when he woke up before 11 and then again this morning at 7.30. I know it suggests to feed a little the first 3 nights, but I KNOW for a fact that I'll fall to sleep before I can get him off the boob, as I usually do. Don't know in that case whether to just not feed before 11 as well...

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bluetoes · 19/10/2014 10:01

Hmm, not sure what I would do, either. Probably just stick to what you're doing, if it's working? Well done, by the way - I can remember getting about half- way through this and feeling both elated and sort of shocked that it actually worked!

fishnettights · 20/10/2014 19:34

We'll done!!

As o said my dd got less angry with no feed between the 6 hours than feed and then stopping her.

I'd do 6 hours for now then increase. He's been used to lots of extra calories.

Good luck!

Original poster
soulpunk · 03/11/2014 05:06

Ok so I don't know if anyone will see this now as it's been a couple of weeks but on the one hand it's going really well, DS sleeps great in the evening, stopped even waking up after the first few nights, until about 1 or 2am. At that time is pretty easy to settle, will just roll over and go back if I pat or stroke him once or twice - which is amazing, never thought I'd see the day etc. but from around 4 is very restless most mornings and we end up getting up for the day at 4.30 probably 75% of the time. Anyone else had this? He doesn't go to sleep til 8pm and I'm sure he's getting over tired in the day. He's never had long nights sleep and occasionally would wake at this time even when I was breastfeeding through the night but it was probably once every few months rather than 3/4 times a week... which in the winter in horrific and makes for a very long day Hmm

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