Do you think this is ok? - teaching 19 week old to self settle

[SpawningSalmon]

Apologies for the long post...

Ever since DS was very small I have made an effort to try develop good habits to help him eventually settle himself off to sleep. Our routine is to take him up to his darkened room, swaddle him, hold him laying in our arms until he is almost asleep before putting him into his moses basket and then finally using shush pat to get him the rest of the way off.

Now I feel like we are stuck at this point. He has settled without the final step once or twice, but on the whole doesn't seem to be getting any closer to being able to settle himself without shush pat. Until recently he has gone down quickly in this way but has begun to take longer and longer with the main issue being that he wakes up several times after first falling asleep, requiring us to either pick him up and settle him in our arms again or shush pat him back off again. I am struggling with this as I also have a 3 year old that I need to look after.

I know all the guidance says 6 months for sleep training but I feel like I need to intervene now to help him learn to self settle. He is also waking up to play in the night now which he needs to learn to settle himself back down after.

DH works nights so I have to do bedtime on my own which can be very difficult to get them both settled together, but he is now off work for the next four so I thought I might start sleep training tonight. My plan was to follow the usual routine but rather than shush patting I would just sit by the moses basket and let him soothe himself off to sleep, which I know will involve some tears, and just give him the occasional shush or a few gentle pats to reassure him that he is not abandoned or if he gets very worked up. Do you think this is ok?

I have a crap sleeper so not sure I cannot offer any useful advice.
However, I would say that 19 weeks seems very young to sleep train.

Personally I would not leave them to cry at that age. Grumble a bit maybe, but not actual crying.

What if you sit with your hands on him gently instead of shh/pat. Then try without hands when he is used to that? You can also try warming his bed slightly with a hot water bottle before putting him in, that way it's all nice and snuggly and the transfer from your arms is less of a shock.

We found that gently bouncing the mattress worked with DS when he was little, but that was a cot mattress, not sure a moses basket mattress will bounce!

If he's 19 weeks old then you are hitting a particularly shit time for sleep, the 4 month sleep regression. I think if you try to sleep train at this point you are just setting yourself up for frustrating and long periods sat by the cot with a crying baby. At this point I would do what works to get baby to sleep, and save sleep training for when baby is older.

"I know all the guidance says 6 months for sleep training but I feel like I need to intervene now to help him learn to self settle."

If all the guidance says 6 months (some says 12) why do you think you need to do it now?

Ah, it's difficult being sleep deprived with a small baby, isn't it? My DD2 didn't sleep through until she turned two, so I sympathise. She suffered from reflux though, so there's no way I would have left her to cry, even when she was older, as I knew she was in discomfort, miserable and needed cuddles.

19 weeks is just so little though.

From what I've read the 4 month sleep regression means they are starting to get into a more adult pattern of sleeping- so don't conk quite as quickly/deeply as very small babies. This may be why the shush/pat is taking longer.

My DD is now 24 weeks and pretty good at self-settling after some verrrrrrry gentle encouragement over several weeks, and I'd agree with ellie about trying to move on from shush/pat to just putting a hand on his chest. I did this with DD and eventually reached a point (can't remember how long it took) where I just laid her down in bed and stepped out of view and she was off to sleep in a few minutes.

I hasten to add none of this ever involved her crying. If she ever cried when put in cot I'd pick her up and either cuddle or feed her to sleep and just gently try again the next night. It was "No Cry Sleep Solution" based, as a way of slowly moving on from feeding to sleep, and tbh if she'd resisted at all I'd have carried on feeding her to sleep indefinitely.

If you're going to try to encourage self-settling at this stage I'd do it extremely slowly and gently with plenty of loving patience and quit for the night and resort to one of your lengthy shush/pats if there is any upset.

As PPs have said 19 weeks is still very young really and the 4 month sleep regression is basically shite no matter what you do (self-settler still woke every 1-2 hours at night during that time!).