Should I start controlled crying? Please help!

[Kekee]

I need, NEED some help/advice. At the moment DS wakes 5-6 times a night for milk (EBF). Sometimes he has a good drink and others he isn't interested; other than latching on for 2 minutes and coming off again for sleep, so gathering this is for comfort, anyway... on occasion when I have been extremely exhausted I have put him down to nap during day and when he's started crying I have let him cry until he goes to sleep (usually after about 25 minutes) and it seems to work well but usually if I wasn't so tired I'd pick him up and play/feed/entertain until I felt he was ready to nap and try again.

So, if it works at nap time (CC I mean) should I try it though the night or does he NEED his feeds through the night? Is his need for feeds/comfort greater than our/his need for sleep/routine? Am I being cruel? I hate myself for even thinking of doing this (please know that I don't judge anyone else for doing it, I totally get it in fact, I think you'll all know what I mean anyway...) but I know he responds well to the method during the day.

My DS is 6 months, and I have stuck to the AP style from birth, co-slept/EBF etc but I am SO unbelievably tired now and feel it's time to get him into his own bed (and my hub back in ours) and find some normality...

Also, I have to add, the few times I've tried him in his cot he's wriggled around in it and cried so much that I've given in and brought him into bed again/downstairs again.

Ohhh, help, haha!

I really have to go to bed but would just say, I would try to just settle him without feeding every time he wakes- you are probably encouraging him to expect the breast to settle him now more than anything. He may be hungry- 6m and still EBF which is great but had you condsidered introducing solids? He may be feeling a little unsatisfied?
25mins crying for a nap seems a little excessive to me, he shoud have a good sleep routine really, at 6m, and a healthy relationship with it, which makes me wonder if he is quite hungry and also quite unsatisfied during the day too?
I think you are right to expect some normality now and to have your bed back, 6m is a long time to suffer broken sleep. You need to control the situation more than your baby.

I could have written your post! My DD was 6 months on Sunday and I have had 6 weeks of no sleep... I felt ill, that I was being a terrible mother to my 3 year old, DH in the spare room etc... so I decided I would still feed twice a night but no more. The cot is now next to my bed so I can reach in and I stroked, patted, shushed, said "sleepytime" each time she woke/after feeding over the course of one night. Each time(I think she woke 6 times) she cried less. The next night she didn't cry at all. I had a strong sense that she needed help to form a new habit. Fingers crossed it will continue.... best of luck and be kind to yourself. We all have our limits!

He doesn't need 5-6 feeds a night at 6 months. it sounds like he's got the habit of needing to feed to sleep whenever he comes into a light sleep between cycles. CC generally works well for getting rid of those habits and teaching him he can go back into a deep sleep on his own (= far fewer night wakings)

He might well however need one feed still.

Yes, I'd do CC in your shoes. You can do it at nap times (not for late afternoon nap though - try pram for that) and then at bedtime. And for night wakings before say 1am. then I'd feed him once but then do CC for any further wakings. if you do CC at naptimes and bedtime you may find there are fewer wakings even in the first night - so there may not be too many night wakings that you have to do CC for.

you have you stick with it for at least a couple of days though - otherwise you've just confused him...

MN is often very anti CC so be prepared for negative comments!

Thank you so much for the incredibly fast replies.
I should correct a huge ommission, I meant that he was EBF as in, no formula top ups/water etc, he's weaning well (and has been for 3 weeks) and eats breakfast, lunch and dinner (sometimes supper) and snacks and bfeeds between meals and LOVES his food... He's definitely a hungry baby boy!

I think you're right, minipie, it's more of a habit than a necessity, but I feel like he needs me and I should be there on demand? Though, I'm struggling now and I think I'm going to have to take your advice... And thanks for the warning re: anti CCers, haha.

Lucy101, I think I'm going try have him in his cot in our room, initially wanted to avoid that but I'm going have to give in somewhere along the line and it's a bit of a compromise because it's not just cutting him off and still feels a bit like co-sleeping (which I love).

Thanks, Bramblina, you're right, I do need to take control, I think I'm just a bit nervous because I want my baby to have me and know that I'm there for his every need...

This mum stuff is confusing, isn't it!

Thanks again, everyone!

Cc was the best thing I ever did with DD (now 9 mo, was 7 mo when I cc'd). I was going insane. It worked amazingly in two nights. Now she settles herself back to sleep without needing me at all if she wakes in the night. I feel like I've got my life back. Am a massive fan of cc. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it. It doesn't harm, traumatise or anything. If anything, a happier mummy is much better for them too. Go for it and good luck!!

Thank you, Madcat, did you put your DD in a cot in her room alone? Or did you have her in with you for a while? I was thinking of putting my DS in with me but looking at my room (big but awkwardly spaced) I don't think it's going to fit... but as you say, I am going insane!

In your shoes I would do CC. It is right for your needs if you're comfortable doing it. It is also very likely that you wouldn't hear some of these wake ups if you were in different rooms and that if he couldn't smell you and your milk he might not wake up so much.

Separation anxiety kicks in at 8-9 months old so if you're going to put him in his room I would try it now.

I know what you mean about wanting him to feel you are there. But, CC is not CIO. You still go in regularly and reassure them, the difference is you don't stay till they fall asleep. So it's not like you've just abandoned them.

I also think CC works best if they are in their own room because I think it's actually more upsetting/confusing for them if you are in the room but won't come to them. That could just be me projecting though!

Well, you'll never guess what...

At 1:00 in the morning he started crying, usually I'd put him on the boob but no, I did it, I rubbed his little tummy and said 'shhhh' and within about 2 minutes, after a mini cry he was asleep and slept until 2:30, so I fed him then and he had a good drink and then straight back to sleep, then at 4:45 he started crying and I repeated the tummy rub and hurrah, it was 6:30 before he had his next feed!!! If it keeps going this way (2 feeds per night - down from 4-6) I will be SO relieved.

I actually feel proud, haha!

Thanks, everyone!

DD was and still is in the same room as me, although I obviously wasn't in the room when she cried, but came in after 2,4,8 minutes etc. I was worried might confuse her but she's been fine. Good luck!! Xx

He's a bit young for controlled crying. Are you co sleeping? I found that a real help,in minimising tiredness. No cry sleep solution book also helpful.

Sorry, didn't see your last post. Glad that is working.

He's probably teething at this age, (you can't see a tooth coming - they are just pushing from below the gums) which means he will need more comfort than usual. It's not just about nutrition. They are supposed to use the breast for comfort as well, that's Ok. It won't do you or him any harm.

The important thing is he knows you are there. I wouldn't try CC at all, just stay by him, if he gets upset then let him nurse, as it probably makes his teeth feel better.

Well done for not just leaving him, so many people do, you sound like a really good mum

Go with what feels right to you. Heart over head every time with a baby.

Take yourself out the room completely go sleep somewhere else for a weeks and let your partner/husband comfort him. That's what we did (with 3) then he's never left alone but is comforted but just not fed to sleep. They don't associate Daddy with feeding. Worked in a few days for us but mine were around about a year. I'm not a fan of CC.

Thanks for the replies!

Still struggling but I'm sure we'll get there...

i think if you've been APing until now you might find CC a bit harsh and not stick it out. I did gradual withdrawal with DD2 and she sleeps pretty well now. So stick with the tummy-rubbing!