will my 18 month old ever sleep through?

[karma]

My 18 month old was a problem sleeper from day one. However at around 8 months he started to settle down and we would have a fair amount of sleeps through the night. Over the last few months however he has gone back to waking several times a night - usually 10pm - midnight, and between 2-4am. When he wakes he screams the place down, sometimes he seems almost asleep with his dummy still in, but he is obviously distressed. Sometimes milk will do the trick, but recently he will have that but still not settle. He can remain unsettled for up to 2 hours. Usually he will settle reasonably well at bedtime (7pm), and settles well for his post lunch nap. We don't want to do controlled crying, but are becoming so exhausted with the current situation. Any ideas anyone?

MY dd has only started to sleepthrough at 3. Did not do CC but found lots a cuddles and doze in Mum and Dad's bed helped, think she was just reliving her entire day. I just slept when I could. not much help but it will happen one day

I don't have much concrete advice for you but I would say to try to avoid giving milk at his age if you can. It might create a need for him to wake up digestively when he shouldn't need to any longer. Do you think something's bothering him like fear of the dark or teeth?

This sounds like night terrors to me - he is still asleep and wont' remember it in the morning. Try doing a search for night terrors and you'll find lots of advice. Don't give milk.

Thanks for the advice. Do you think a nightlight would help at his age?

Hi Karma, I just read your message and I really sympathise. My DS is nearly 2.5 now and only just sleeping well (mostly). His pattern when bad sounds similar to yours - he'd go down fine at bedtime, sleep for 3-4 hours, and then wake just when we went to bed and again around 2am, then up for the day at 6am. Over 2 years, this left us both so stressed and exhausted, it really caused a lot of problems for us. We tried a CC, just giving him milk whenever he woke, Phenergan, Vallergan, and eventually ended up with me taking him into bed with me and DH going to spare bed. Clearly not great! As someone else has said, obviously your sleep problem will resolve itself eventually, but when my GP said something similar, with "probably by the time he starts school", I decided to try again.

We just let him cry, going in only if he seemed really really hysterical, and then only to pat his head and lie him down again. No talking, no eye contact and no milk. Might as well deal with all the problems at once, I thought. A few times he cried till he was sick, and I just changed the sheets quickly and put him back (he immediately started screaming again, but I left the room anyway). Slowly, things improved. We still have nights where he wakes and cries a little, but 8 times out of 10 he settles back alone, and if we do go in, it's only to lie him down again and stroke his hair a moment or two.

I can't tell you the impact this one thing has had on our lives. The main thing that helped us stick to this regime was Richard Ferber's book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problem", which I recommend highly. Nothing like as strict as Gina Ford, he really puts the problem in context and makes you feel it CAN work out. If you haven't read it already, do try and get a copy (can buy it on Amazon). I wish you all the best with everything. As for me, I've got a new baby due in 3 weeks, so I'm enjoying these last few nights of decent sleep (at last!) while I can...

Sounds a lot like my ds too, he did settle around 2.5 yrs but if he ever gets a cold or is ill he is up screaming, even now (3.5) he can keep us awake for nights in a row. I did sleep training on him several times and resorted to closing his bedroom door so he couldn't leave his room just before ds2 was born (now 1.5). I think from personal experience and from speaking to other parents with children with sleep problems that some kids sleep and some don't. My ds1 has a really low pain threshold and cannot cope with any form of pain eg when teething he would cry for 3-6 weeks before the tooth came through. I think there are good sleep books out there and I also have Richard Ferbers, you just have to do whatever you feel comfortable with, for me I couldn't cope with a new baby and a 2 year old in my room so I decided to close his door so he couldn't leave his room and now he finds this a normal thing and even asks us to close it.

Sorry for rambling but it is possible that your child is getting new teeth and may resettle after they are through. My ds2 by the way has never been a problem and even cut most teeth without crying. I did put him in a routine from birth though as I couldn't have coped with another sleeper like ds1.

Hi Karma,

we had a "thing" (can't think of any other word) that played a tune and projected light patterns onto the ceiling when pressed. We didn't have massive problems with sleeping but we did a bit so we put this in dds cot and it seemed to do the trick - as occassionally we would get woken up at 2 am by the sound of this thing. As I'm sure you can imagine it was awful tinny music but better than crying and us having to get out of bed - and thankfully it turned itself off after about 10 minutes - might be worth a try?

Thanks guys for those tips. That book you mention Soph1976 sounds like it might be worth a read and good luck with the new baby, and hatter your "thing" is also worth considering. It's reassuring to hear from others with similar problems - amazingly we have had a couple of sleep through nights these past few weeks. As you say stripey it may be teeth that is unsettling him - who knows! It's funny (and maybe fortunate from what people have said) that my son has never settled in our bed even if he's really upset.

karma, we're the same! My other two kids slept really well from fairly young but babe no 3 is a real nightmare re sleep and he is now two and a half. I basically have a routine now where he goes to sleep in his own bed at 7.30ish (but I still have to lie down with him) but he wakes EVERY night between 10 and midnight and I just carry him into our big bed and go back to sleep. Its certainly not ideal and I long for the day he sleeps through, but just wanted you to know that there are loads of other parents out there too! Its sort of reassuring

Thanks for those reassuring words oxocube. Strangely ds has recently had some decent nights which have allowed us to catch up on sleep (and believe me we needed to !!) I think that all the positive vibes from this site must have got to him!!