Help my 12 week old won't nap and is constantly overtired

[RedRose27]

My 12 week old baby's sleep habits have gone downhill since she was 8 weeks old and we're getting into a vicious cycle of over tiredness which is affecting her nighttime sleep too.

From about 4 weeks up until about 8 weeks she was sleeping about 6 hours at night, waking once for a feed about 3am, then settling herself back to sleep. She was going down at night drowsy but not asleep and settling herself. Ever since about 8 weeks old when she discovered the world was so interesting, she now fights sleep all day!!

She goes from happily playing on her playmat to screaming her head off in a split second. She doesn't display tiredness signals until she is already crying. The only was we can get her to sleep is to hold her, rock her and shush her for 10 or 15 mins, and then she doesn't seem to get into a deep sleep as as soon as you put her down she wakes up! In the last few days I have resorted to holding onto her for an hour at a time once she's asleep just so she can get some sleep. Doing this multiple times a day is exhausting and I am getting desperate.

Now it's affecting her nighttime sleep as she is waking twice a night again. I am unsure if she is hungry, so feed her, but she usually feeds for 10 mins at a time then falls asleep on the boob and goes back to sleep. The only alternative at this stage is to rock her back to sleep which reinforcing this bad habit!

So we now have instigated a bad habit of having her dependent on rocking, shushing etc in order to get her to sleep, but that seems preferable over a constantly tired baby who is crying and unhappy. I feel like we are trapped in a vicious cycle and I don't know how to get out of it.

QUESTION: Does anyone know how much sleep she should be getting at a time in the day? Is 30 mins enough? The books say 3 hours total naps at this age, but she can only stay awake for about an hour before needing sleep, so I'm not sure how long she needs to sleep for each time.

QUESTION: Does anyone know if she will grow out of the fighting sleep thing so she's less overtired and then we could tackle the bad habits we've gotten her into and start helping her go to sleep on her own.

I am breastfeeding on a rough 4 hour schedule and wondering if I should change it to every 3 hours as this would help get more naps in (as sometimes she's due a feed when she should really be due for a nap, hence adding to the over tiredness, and then she falls asleep on the boob) but as she's not hungry for 3 hour feeds I'm kind of reluctant to do this.

Would the HV or doctor be able to give any advice?

If anyone could give any advice we would be grateful, my husband is currently rocking her and has been for the last 30 mins!!!

Xx

Im watching with interest as we are in exactly the same boat with dd 13 weeks she can also only stay awake for 60-90 minutes at a time and needs much more sleep than the books say I have no advice I need help too I worry that she will never be able to self settle but like you say not sure how to break the cuddling to sleep habit!

Hello. I in no way claim to have any definitive answers but I hope this helps a little. My ds is just 5 months and sleeps well at night (fingers crossed for now) but we have always struggled with daytime sleep. Like your dd he is far too interested in the world and displays no very obvious tired signs until it's too late!

Firstly I would say that in my experience breastfeeding on a 4 hr routine is unusual for a 12 week old. We're still on a 3/3.5 hour cycle now and at 12 weeks 2/3 hours. It might be that by feeding earlier you can get her down for a nap with a fuller tummy, but I also know that all babies are different!

As you say 'the books' say about 3 hours daytime sleep is optimum and I have found that this chimes with my experience - I.e when ds gets this amount he is most chilled out and happy. This is v different from saying he gets 3 hours a day. Today we just scrapped 2!! My theory is to aim for 3x1hour naps but try not to beat myself up if he doesn't get it and whatever happens to try and be consistent about bedtime and handling nighttime wake ups (which for us means no playing / getting up and trying to settle using dummy before offering a feed).

In terms of naps in the day I think the key is to try and work out how much awake time your dd can handle before getting overtired and then to put her down for a nap after this amount of time even if she's not obviously yawning. When I get this right (which I often don't :-() and provide the right sleep cues (closing curtains, singing etc) then he does now happily go off to sleep in his cot for anywhere from 30mins-1hr45, but this did take weeks of perseverance. What I haven't gotten my head around is being able to predict length of nap! But I consider any nap a win! Today he actually had two naps of just 20 mins but again I have to just try and see it positively.

I have heArd from friends that naps do consolidate from around 6 months so am holding out hope!!

Lol x

Have you tried swaddling? Do you put her down to sleep downstairs?
My first was very restless. Swaddling did help when she was little (you can put a blanket under her while she's on your lap and swaddled, then also transfer that to Moses basket or cot when you lay her down, that way she won't feel the 'chill' of it... I found she was also a light sleeper, so would wake at anything other than the smallest sound.
I hope it will get easier for you and her.

You should try to write down how long she has been awake for when she starts her crying fits. A this age, she is probably getting tired about 1.5 to 2 hours after waking up. So if she wakes up at 6.30, by 8.30 she will start feeling tired. Before you start seeing the signs of tiredness, take her in a dark room with as little sunlight as possible and feed her/hug her until she is drowsy. She might be crying because she is overstimulated. Try to get her used to a comfort toy/teddy/blanket - just stroke her face with it when she is tired and eventually she will read this as a signal that it's time to sleep. In my opinion and experience, it's not the total amount of day sleep that matters it's to try and not get the baby to be overstimulated or overtired.

I had the same problem with DD (now 15 weeks). Turns out she has quite a short wake time for her age, so I started clock watching and put her down at most an hour after she got up. For her first nap it was shorter (still is) at 45mins. After that I started watching for sleep cues - as soon as she yawns I need to whip her upstairs for a nap even if she seems wide awake. Like your LO, she goes from happy to overtired and very upset easily so it's a precarious balance!

I read loads about sleep and tbh my DD doesn't fit with guidelines for her age. She needs a LOT of sleep - for example, the stuff I read said no naps past 5-5.30, but if I don't let her sleep/doze til 6, sometimes 6.15 (bath and bedtime routine start at 6.30, in bed by 7) then my evenings are hell! Age probably sleeps at least 6 hrs per day, and sleeps 7.30-7 at night, which is way more than the books/blogs say.

I second what pp have said about 4hr feeds - my DD is still on a 2 1/2-3 hr routine to fit in feeds and naps.

I got myself very stressed about not creating bad habits - e.g. No feeding to sleep, no sleeping on me, always putting her down awake etc. for the most part, she self settles and naps well. However for at least one nap a day I need to cuddle/feed/let her sleep on me to make sure she's rested. I figure that as long as she naps in her cot the rest of the time that's fine, as it helps her sleep better at night.

Once I got my head round her ways it made things much easier. She's going through a catnapping stage at the minute which is infuriating, but I'm going with the idea that it'll pass soon (hopefully!) and that she'll consolidate her naps when she's a bit older.

Hope that helps.

Also, dark room, white noise (sleep sheep) and consistent nap routine helped (e.g. popping her into a sleeping bag for each nap). As I said above sometimes need to abandon it to get her to sleep!

As fionnthedog says don't be too hard on yourself. I had no idea that getting a baby to nap during the day would be so bloody hard, so I take every nap as a victory!

Thank you everyone for your replies and advice, really appreciate your suggestions.

Weirdly, we had a good night last night! She self settled at bedtime, woke once for food at 1am and then slept til 6:30!!

Ffionthedog, thanks for advice on length of nap. Sometimes my dd wakes after 20 mins smiley and in a good mood, other times after 20 mins she wakes crying and squirming and then I figure she needs to go back to sleep longer!

Mineofuselessinformation, I did try swaddling yesterday but seemed to make her more upset, she has never likes being swaddled. However my mum managed to get her to sleep for 2 hours yesterday by holding her very tightly to get her off, so I think it's something I need to persevere with. It really depends on whether I'm going to be upstairs or downstairs where I put her to sleep. If getting dressed etc in morning I put her in her cot, around lunchtime tend to put her in bouncy chair in living room. Neither are dark in the day, but I read early on that to help them learn the difference between night and day you should keep day times bright and noisy. Do you know if at this age that no longer applies? She used to be a very deep sleeper when younger, but now seems to spend quite a lot of time in light sleep.

Rocket jam, I did keep a diary for 10 days of her patterns and how long she slept to see if I could spot any patterns. There seemed to be a correlation between how long she had slept the previous nap, and how long she could then tolerate staying awake. Sometimes as little as 50 mins before getting restless and crying if she'd only had a 30 min nap.

Needadisconap, same with dd - last night she napped from 5:20 to 6:20 (the car sent her to sleep!) and then bed at about 7:40 otherwise she is also unbearable in evenings.

From all your suggestions I think we will: try to create a 'routine' for daytime naps (like we have for bedtime) always in her cot not downstairs, room as dark as possible, now days are cooler also putting her in sleeping bag for daytime naps, as this works well for bedtime as a cue.
Also preempt sleepiness as I know she can only go about an hour before becoming overtired, and start to wind her down at that stage. Will reduce the amount of time on playmat to maybe 15 mins at a time, then try singing or reading to try to avoid overstimulation. Will also try the comfort toy.

It's so hard as I feel like I spend my whole day trying to get her to sleep and not enjoying her!

Thanks again everyone x