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In need of some support :(

17 replies

EllasMum16 · 19/09/2014 08:14

Hi all, I'm posting this in sleep support but it's only loosely sleep related really, but wasn't sure where else to post. I am mum to a 5 month old baby girl, our first child.

I'm really struggling at the moment, feel like she's gone right back to newborn stage in terms of challenge. Sleep-wise she used to sleep through but now wakes 2-3 times a night, I'm not so bothered about this as generally she just has a feed and goes back to sleep but bedtimes are a huge battle. Doesn't matter what time I start really, she fights it and fights it, takes me up to two hours to get her down. After her bath she messed around with her feed (shes's breastfed) and gets cranky when I won't play with her. When she FINALLY settles down for a feed she gets put down and then wakes every 10-20 mins for about another hour before finally going to sleep. Tears at every bedtime.

She's never been great at napping but in the early days I used to let her sleep on me or in a sling now she's not great at that. The only way I can get her to do it really is to lie down with her and side-along feed to sleep, but even that doesn't last long and she always wakes up if I leave her.

Really hating breastfeeding at the moment, night feeds are fine but in the day it's an effort to get her to feed, she wants to have little laps of milk then pull off and look around, she'll keep doing this until she's really cranky from hunger. Could possibly be teething related as she's going through this at the moment. In public especially is difficult as it's hard to be discrete, we were out at a restaurant the other day and it took me a good half an hour to get her to have a proper feed and she was getting more and more cranky.

And she's the world's clingiest baby! 5 months so should be out of the 'third trimester' but before I'd be able to put her on a playmat for short periods but now she wants to be on me all the time. Putting her on the floor is a big no-no. She quite likes bouncers (she had a jumperoo) but I absolutely cannot leave the room or she will go crazy. She's decided to wake up for the day around 6.30-7 now so before I'd be able to express milk, shower before she woke but not possible now. I never wanted to be a parent that left their baby to cry but if I want to shower or go to the toilet ever I have no choice. So whenever I need to do these things or make a sandwich it's to the sound of a crying baby.

I'm going completely mad, I love her to bits but feel like a crap mum as sometimes I just need to walk off for 5 mins and I can always hear her crying when I do! My DH has offered to sign her up for nursery once a week which is lovely of him, and I use the gym a couple of times a week for an hour or so and she seems quite happy in the creche from what the staff have told me. Worried it will just be complicated though as I'll have to provide expressed BM and I'm not sure how she'd take being away from me for a whole day. Plus the expense. AAAARGH!

OP posts:
EllasMum16 · 19/09/2014 08:14

Sorry for the massive wall of text...

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Superworm · 19/09/2014 14:00

How many naps does she have in a day? Sounds like she could be over tired.

EllasMum16 · 19/09/2014 15:32

I think you're right. She barely naps at all to be honest, sometimes she'll have a morning power nap of 10-20 mins but sometimes not at all. I try and get her down for an afternoon nap, that's around an hour if I'm lucky and she'll always wake if I leave her. She's an awful napper!

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EllasMum16 · 19/09/2014 15:33

Thanks for replying :)

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Superworm · 19/09/2014 16:30

At this age they tend to have an awake time of about 1.5 hours, so it's not long before they go into overtired mode, and then they fight it. In the beginning I always over estimated how long DS could stay awake for. this chart really helped me it has awake times and sleep cues.

When they are over tired, they wake more at night (odd but true), especially in the early part if the evening so it pays off to work at getting them down regularly.

Superworm · 19/09/2014 16:43

You're not a crap mum btw. Babies sleep or lack of it drives you completely potty.

With DS I would put him in the sling then go and do something really boring in a darker room like sitting laundry. Minimum stimulation and a wind down period meant he would eventually drop off. This might be useful

Once we got in the pattern of regular sleep I started to transfer him from the sling to the cot. Just as he was almost asleep, I would put him in and shh/pat him. Obviously wasn't instant but worked eventually. Never for the last nap though. That was always the hardest!

Superworm · 19/09/2014 16:43

*Sorting not sitting!

Misty9 · 19/09/2014 18:53

I feel your pain, I too have a 5 month old who is a terrible napper. I think mine is going through a growth spurt as her feeding is all over the place. Could this be the same for you? We have no particular routine although my 3 year old ds has set things which helps our structure.

Up until this week I was keeping her downstairs and she'd be really grumpy until I went to bed at 9ish and fed her to sleep. Which could take hours some nights. Now I take her up at 6.30 when ds goes to bed, into pjs and sleeping bag then feed feed feed until she goes to sleep. This takes an hour or so.

The lack of napping I have no idea how to address. I appealed for help on here myself! Just know you're not alone.

Rachel153 · 19/09/2014 20:15

I could have written most of your post myself. My dd is now 6.5 months but at 5 months (and not much better now) she was just like you have described-clingy, not feeding well, can't switch off etc. she gets terribly overtired but just hasn't worked out how to "let go" yet. I've tried everything from leaving her to helping her but there are always tears.
Just wanted you to know you're not alone. I too have gone through periods of feeling like a failure but come to the conclusion you just gotta do what gets you through.
I really wish she would settle without getting so upset.

EllasMum16 · 19/09/2014 20:27

Thanks for the links superworm, that actually makes a lot of sense looking at what she does, waking every 10/20 mins until going to sleep for a longer period. Going to try your suggestion of some downtime before naps and see if it helps.

Misty9 it could well be a growth spurt! Or maybe just that in between time before being ready for solids. Tried to put her down today at 3 ish for a nap and fed till almost 5.30 before falling asleep! Crazy!

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EllasMum16 · 19/09/2014 20:28

And me too Rachel, hate all the tears and feeling like I'm battling her all the time :(

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plokett1 · 19/09/2014 22:12

I know exactly how u feel! My ds is also 5 mths and just the same...never been great thro the night but has become worse the last mth and slowly improving now! Hes ff but was very fussy on his bottles for a week or two! I think at this age they have an awful lot going on! 4 mth sleep rehression can last a while, learning to roll over, coordination of hands, trying to be on the move, teething and a whole new world to explore! My son is doing all of those and i started to introduce some solids about 2 1/2 weeks ago so hoping this is why his nights have improved slightly...but i do agree to try more daytime naps, my ds only has about 2 but theyre usually 1-2'hours..
ur not a crap mum at all, we've all had that horrid feeling and its just sleep deprivation...i just learned to go with whatever works instead of listening to people telling me he should be sleeping thro because every child is different and im now much more relaxed about it.....most of the time! Haha!

Misty9 · 19/09/2014 22:46

Ha, after writing that post we had a terrible bedtime! I'll never learn... she just wasn't tired enough I think, or overtired. Who knows Grin
Ended up with both kids awake until 8.30. Two hours later than normal. I've started her on some puree just this week when she turned 5 months. She's loving it seemingly and we had a nightmare weaning ds using baby led weaning, so I'm going for a less rigid mixed approach this time. Really hoping she'll be eating well by 7/8 months and I can gradually stop breastfeeding. Had enough this time.

Hope your bedtime went better :)

EllasMum16 · 20/09/2014 03:32

Ah last night was awful! Got her down far too late for her nap and she didn't go to bed till 10pm (was partly DHs fault for thinking he could come in the bedroom and have a good ol' chat with me whilst trying to get DD to bed). Woke up at 3 just now for feed so not a bad stretch though :)

I have my first night out since she was born with the NCT girls on the 3rd October so DH will need to put her to bed, just know it's going to go horribly wrong...

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Misty9 · 20/09/2014 18:32

I don't think the heat and humidity helps. Will she take a bottle then? It's his problem, you enjoy your night out Grin
There's no way on earth dd would sleep without boob so my evenings out are in the distant past and future!

Amazingly, after a crap bedtime dd slept until 5am!! Then fed in bed with us and dozed until 6.30. She's just fed to sleep now but I'm not holding my breath as it's a bit early for her to go down for the night. Shit, I just sneezed! Still asleep...phew.

Good luck for tonight.

feekerry · 20/09/2014 21:21

Ds is now 7m and he has to nap every 2hrs. If his last nap is more than 2.5hrs before his bed time he wakes every 20mins till about 10pm. Nightmare.
Here is my take on it. Ds was v similar. I believe he was so desperate to sleep but didn't want the milk hence why he became fussy. Wanted to feed to sleep but without the milk! So after posting on here I gave him a dummy at 5m. Helped a lot! I have other kids and never used one before but I was desperate.
So now, I make sure he has a 40 ish min nap before bed. Usually 3.45 till 4.30 ish then bf him just before bed and when he gets all fussy and pulling on and off I pop dummy in and he falls asleep pretty well. Now at 7.5m he rarely takes the dummy now but it got us thru some bad times and is there as a back up. Worth considering???
Also re last nap, if ds is resisting etc then I take him out in car/buggy or rock to sleep in car seat so he has no choice lol!!

EllasMum16 · 21/09/2014 02:28

She's good at taking a bottle thankfully, she was born with a tongue tie so early weeks were full of frantic pumping and topping up with bottle. But lack of me at bedtime seems to be a problem!

Yesterday was just awful! Tried all day to get her to nap, including side-along feeding her for 50 mins and she still didn't fall asleep. She finally fell asleep at about 5pm in the sling and that was after waking at 7.30am! Crazy! She was down for her bedtime at 8pm, woke at half ten when I came in and had a feed then again at 1am and had an hour of on off feeding :( I've just put her down, gonna go back to sleep now and hope (pray) she sleeps through till the morning!

I might give the dummy another go, she's not taken it so far but I'm uo for trying anything.

Good luck to the rest of you and hope you have a good nights sleep :)

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