Help! Something has to change, just don't know how.

[boopdoop]

My DS is 6 months this week, and is currently bf most of the time with 1 bottle of formula before bed, and is now having food 3 times a day (mainly puree/porridge etc, but starting to experiment with actual food). He's a 98th percentile baby for weight and 75th for length! He's a wonderful happy baby when awake, but we've ended up in a co-sleeping / feeding to sleep nightmare that had to stop! I actually didn't mind it all thought didn't end up like this intentionally, but we've got to change because:

• he only sleeping in our bed incl naps and evening, but he now rolls and rolls when awake so don't feel I can leave him in case he wakes and rolls off before I get to him.

• he has 4 teeth and bites, and so I can't feed him to sleep as easily as when he's tired he bites and it's just too painful. (Currently feed him lying down often as then he just stays there and I don't have I move him.)

• he won't settle in the evenings. Often wakes every 20-40 minutes and needs feeding back to sleep, no one else can settle him and even I can't unless feeding him. I'm finding this the hardest. He's exhausted and asleep between 7-7.30, but won't finally settle until I come to bed later in the evening. Often end up giving in and bringing him downstairs just so I can eat my dinner at least.

• waking several times in the night. Often goes down finally at 10-11pm, then waking around 1am, 4am, 6am, 7am, and then we finally get up after 8-8.30am... He'd sleep (with occasional wakings and a quick feed to resettle) till 10-10.30am if I let him but trying to get up and have breakfast earlier in the hope it'll adjust to him sleeping earlier in the evening, and otherwise we can't fit 3 meals in... But at the moment it's just making him grumpy in the afternoon.

• he has suffered from reflux, got worse recently and I think that sometimes wakes him up so just started with gaviscon for that.

• he catnaps during the day and again only sleeps on our bed, on me, or in the car or pushchair... Usually 20-30 mins max.

I am not necessarily expecting him to sleep right through, but we've hit a point where he really has to move into a cot in his own room and settle without feeding. (Been in crib in our room until now... Though not really!!). Cotbed won't fit in our room so at 6 months I think it's time to move him. My DH works away a lot, but is home for 12 days from the end of this week, so whilst he's around for some consistent help and support, I think we need to tackle this and do some sleep training. I don't think I can manage CC, and also he often stops breathing when he's crying hysterically and only starts again when we blow in his face so I can't just leave him to cry it out...

Was thinking of doing something where we are in the room, reassuring, possibly PUPD, and then gradually retreating, but wondered if anyone has any advice.

Also, is going from co sleeping /feeding to sleep to putting him in the cot when drowsy ok as a step altogether in one go? I think it is, I can still feed him if I think he's hungry but not let him fall asleep on me, and move when drowsy I guess...

Thoughts or advice anyone?
(And thanks for reading this far!!)

Hi boopdoop with a disclaimer that I am no expert as my DS (14 months) is still at times not a great sleeper I thought I would respond to say yes I think getting him into cot drowsy is a great idea.
If he isn't used to it then it is worth setting the scene by playing with him in it for a few days so he associates it with fun. May sound silly but I think at least you then know it isn't actually a case that he doesn't like the cot.
I have done gradual retreat approach and it will work but you are wise to think having your DH around will help.
Have you seen the 'what worked for us' thread on here ? It is all about gradual retreat and may still be active so you may get some ideas / support from that.
FWIW in your shoes I would be bold and try to achieve as much as you an while DH is home - it takes about three nights for them to get the hang of it and I personally think it is easier before they get more mobile etc.
I would also say write a plan and keep a diary as this really helps you see progress and stay on track.
Oh and do you think he is overtired ? If so try and force some extra day time sleep if you can as with my DS even now this can trigger night walkings.
If you haven't already read it you may find the Andrea grace book useful.
And finally what I think would have helped me was to know that whatever conditions they fell asleep in at bedtime would probably be what they expected everytime they stirred in the night - this definitely focused my mind.
Anyway rambling now - good luck !

My little one has been the same recently I keep hoping its a growth spurt. We tried CC but failed, I was crying and DH cracked so decided to wait a bit. Last night she slept through!

I think this was because we made two changes by accident so may try them again tonight, one was she wouldn't go for her afternoon nap and was a whiny lump until finally got her to sleep at seven which is very late for the nap, she slept for 30 mins and was then up till ten. As a newborn she always tended to go to sleep at this time so am now thinking this is just her pattern and should go with it for now.

Secondly as she was grumpy and not going to sleep we missed her tea so she just had lots of milk, we have noticed that since weaning she has a lot of wind and her sleeping deteriorated so am now going to ease back a bit on food and just feed lots including one ff bottle as a top up last thing

Of course this could just be a fluke but am hoping these are worth trying!

I would work on the daytime - getting him to sleep in his cot, and settle without feeding, then tackle nights. Ime they easily distinguish between the different times of day, and so no need to be consistent between the two iyswim.

I weaned DD from feeding to sleep through the night (though she had a bottle by then) at 10/11mo. Some crying is inevitable but you don't need to leave him - I always, always stayed with DD and held her and comforted her (not that she was terribly comforted ) - it was my instinct that if I went to her whenever she cried she would feel more secure and sleep better. I suppose it was a version of PUPD, though less regimented. Seems to have been borne out, she has slept through ever since, and we're a year on.

So, crack the naps. Commit to being at home in the day for a week initially. Spend calm time in his room: reading to him, singing, playing, whatever it is you do. (Though cot is for sleep and only sleep - don't be tempted to put him there for any other purpose.) Explain it's his room and he'll sleep there! I'm sure they understand more than we think - and if you don't convince him, you might convince yourself . Something that smells of you / sleeping on his sheets for a bit will probably help. First nap 90 minutes after waking, at the latest, to prevent a cycle of over tiredness.

Then your aim is to stretch out the time between feed and sleep, think of it that way. So I would start by feeding him before nap time, but put him down once burped and awake. Hold your nerve on not feeding, but cuddling him tip calm is fine. He will fall asleep eventually, and every time it will get easier. You can build from there, working on the later naps too, until naps and feeds are unrelated. Then same for bedtime, then through the night.

You could do it all in one go but then you're going to get a LOT of crying. Incremental changes are more gentle, for both of you.

When I say sleeping on his sheets, I do not envisage you in his cot. Just fyi