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Sleep

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Original poster

DP disrupting DS sleep!!

11 replies

mygreeneyedboy · 10/09/2014 06:38

DP started new work last week and was away for a week. In which I got DS's sleep routine perfect (7pm bedtime in his own bed in his own room, 11pm cuddle, 4am feed, 7:30am wake up). Before this he was a terrible sleeper.

This week DP has started the actual work - 6am leave and 9pm return. He doesn't get to see DS like this - which makes him sad. But strangely, DS is waking up at these times - I find DP holding DS saying "he woke up" when I never heard a cry - or if I did it was because DP walked into his room.

So 5:30 today and yesterday DP got up and so did DS - he picks up DS, sings to him and plays with him meaning he is completely awake and won't go back to sleep. This means that DS sleep routine for the rest of the day is mixed up. I also means that I have to get up (DP also wants me to stay up until 11pm with him) . I'm exhausted.

So mumsnetters:

Should I let DP do this?
Is he actually saying the truth and DS is just happening to be waking up at these times?
Is it right that DP isn't able to see his DS because of his work hours?
Or could this all be because I'm tired and grumpy and don't want to wake up at 5:30 every morning?

OP posts:

Original poster

mygreeneyedboy · 10/09/2014 06:38

DS is 8 months by the way.

OP posts:

3littlefrogs · 10/09/2014 06:53

This is so unfair.

Your DP obviously loves and misses DS but he is being very selfish.

He must get some days off if he works those hours. That is the time he should be looking after DS and letting you get some rest.

What he is doing at the moment, especially expecting you to stay up with him, is completely selfish and wrong.

My DH worked 120+ hours a week in 48 hour shifts when mine were babies so I know how it feels.

Coughle · 10/09/2014 06:54

This is tough - you need all the sleep you can get, but I would hate to never see my baby because of work!

Can you not sit down with dp and say everything in your post, and brainstorm solutions together? I don't think it's about you "letting" him do things, but equally, depriving you of sleep when he's not around to parent alongside you is not cool.

Coughle · 10/09/2014 06:55

Sorry, missed the but where dp wants you to stay up till 11! Just go to bed, that bit is easy.

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 10/09/2014 07:11

Sleep routine was really important when mine were small as they were ghastly if over tired and I'm a nicer mum when I'm not tired. In your shoes I'd be mightily pissed off tbh.

I know it's hard not seeing DS if he works but if he gets DS in the habit of this, will he get up at the weekends with him early?

You need to talk to him about your concerns, stick to facts not feelings and find a way forward.

Original poster

mygreeneyedboy · 10/09/2014 07:26

Thank you for the support. DP only gets the weekends (I was adding in the commute to the journey) - he gets a nice pay which is why he is doing this. He probably wouldn't do more than 30% of the looking after at weekends.

I'm texting him now and he still doesn't see the point. He thinks it completely reasonable for him to be able to see DS during the week and that I should be up at the same time as well (oh did I mention that I also do a PGCE?)

This maybe should have gone on the relationships thread rather than sleep. But it's nice to know that I have a point.

OP posts:

Iggly · 10/09/2014 07:27

He sounds a bit controlling to be honest. Does be resent your time at home? Enjoy his job?

I would be very angry and tell him to respect your baby's need for sleep. And yours.

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 10/09/2014 07:28

Can he skype him at lunch everyday. Have a chat to you both? Then you go to bed early.

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 10/09/2014 07:29

I'm not sure texts is the best way. Better to wait and have a chat face to face.

Coughle · 10/09/2014 07:34

OK having heard what he responded when you texted him, he's been massively unreasonable!

WHY does he think your basic needs (sleep, rest) are less important than his "nice to haves" (seeing baby, chatting with wife)?

Would he expect you to miss meals on his account? Sleep is just as important, if not more so.

purplemurple1 · 10/09/2014 07:36

Why can't he do the 11pm cuddle rather than having to wake him at 530? Or even the 4am feed some days, if he prefers to go straight to bed and up early.

Or if he commits to doing the weekend mornings shift the routine to wake at 530 - maybe he could give a bottle/ breakfast while you get dressed, then you can also see OH in the morning rather than the evening and you'll be able to so some work after ds goes to bed.

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