Am I being cruel???

[TearingMyHairOut]

My ds1 is nearly 11 weeks old and we have been swaddling him from early on as he had a very strong reflex which used to wake him constantly. Recently he has turned into such a wriggler that every time I go to him he has ended up with the swaddling blanket over his face regardless of how tight I do it. This obviously worries me slightly so I decided I would try to move him into a grobag. But the arm problem came back with a vengeance and he would be up every half hour or so. I said to my hubby that someone should invent a grobag with 'bat wings' that allow a little movement but now too much if they startle. I don't think such a thing exists so I have taken to - please don't think I'm awful - safety pinning the cuffs of his babygrow to the middle of the grobag.
This allows him to stretch/ toucch his face etc but he sleeps soundly. There is no way the pins can prick him or anything.
My MIL is absolutely horrified at the thought and says it could hurt his wrists. I can't stand to think I'm doing something cruel but it seems like a midway between the swaddle and the grobag.

Any thoughts?

It is not cruel if it stops him startling and helps him to sleep, but eventually he will need to be able to wriggle freely, cant remeber when the startle refex wears off as my son is 7 yrs but about that time you should start to let him go more free so he does not become reliant on it. it is your baby you know better than MIL or anyone else what he needs

I have been trying to invent something for my ds too who still also has strong startle reflex at 11 weeks. I've not been brave enough to get him out of the swaddle yet as he's sleeping so much longer, but it has also been counterproductive as a few nights, he's shuffled further up the cot, breaking free of his swaddle and I have had to get up to him at 3am with him moaning tiredly (clearly wanted to be asleep) legs akimbo with swaddle open around him (then you end up having to feed them too !) . The other thing you could do which is what I might try - is get some cotton jersey and swaddle just his arms inside the grobag rather than the legs too (but careful with layers so as not to overheat). Get him used to the grobag and over his reflex...I'm off to John Lewis this afternoon to get my material to try it (and may also sew some sheeting on the end of it to get it tucked in under the mattress so he can't shuffle down the cot). He gets really distressed when he finds his head shoved up against the side. Whatever works for you - ignore MIL's - they're full of it aren't they !
I also have the problem that he is very sucky, so sometimes have to give him a dummy - he's trying to find his fingers but I'd then need to release his arms and then he wakes himself up ! Oh dear.

I used to put DD's arms inside her gro-bag,which kept them from bashing her in the face but didn't hold her as tightly as her swaddle.
Good luck - I hope you find something that suits.

I used to wrap sticking tape around DS swaddle as his startle reflex was so strong he would flail his arms out and get cold/cross at 6 weeks.