Just had a CIO sesh with DD... I didn't realise it was possible to feel this level of self loathing.
DD is 7months old and a nightmare come midnight. Usually she wakes up, DH goes in, soothes her, comes back to bed and hopefully that only happens once before 2/3am when I get up for her feed. Usually its about 3 times in that hour by which point DH is fed up and asks me to feed her. This is frustrating considering we agreed on set feeding intervals. So we come to tonight when DH decides that after an early feed again he wants to leave her to cry and in desperation, I agree.
I have never ever agreed with CIO. In fact I am so vehemently against it I feel its nothing short of neglect.
After an hour of angry crying/screaming (which I could just handle leaving) she's starting to have a few heaving sobs in between screaming and the odd quiet period. I am feeling like a massive hypocrite but now feel we need to finish what we started and say so. I'm now quietly crying and DH is starting to say he'll go in now - as if this was always the point of the exercise. I delay him fod anotber half an hour until DD has given over to nearly exhausted whimpering with the odd scream. Then he goes in.
I don't know how to deal with whats going on in my head. I feel so angry and resentful and hypocritical and hateful right now that I feel physically sick. And the guilt :(
I have been having mega mood swings since my periods returned a month ago and I know I need to go back to the docs for these az they make me murderous. DH is obviously aware of this situation as well.
All of this is just too much for me tonight. I can't handle being me right now. And I know I'vs rambled and gone way off topic. I wantex to ask what people thought I could try to help DD sleep more? She has a good routine and goes down with varying degrees of success and she sleeps well until midnight when all hell breaks loose. We need something a bit more structured than no-cry but under no circumstances will I ever do CIO again.