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Bad bedtimes and terrible sleep- please help me before I completely lose the plot!

4 replies

runlikeagirl · 29/08/2014 06:31

Dd has just turned 2. She's never been a great sleeper, but she has slept through a few times. Although these ones often meant early rising. She also used to go to bed well, but in the last few months that has deteriorated too. I'm going mad.

Bedtime- she screams hysterically, and has made herself sick with it. She was doing this in cot and I was lying next to cot. She's now in bed and does same. I have to lie next to bed, which was taking about 20-30 mins but is now taking an hour or more! The problem is she shares a room with 4 yr old ds. He is shattered. We don't have any way of giving them their own room. I then have to lie in bed with Dd, which doesn't take as long. But still!

Dd then wakes once or twice in the night. She is not easily settled and takes about 1-1.5 hours to settle, usually ending with me sleeping in her bed with me. Then she wakes up from 5am. I am exhausted.

When she wakes at night she asks for milk (bottle) but rarely drinks it. She gets quite hysterical, screaming. I can't leave her for fear of her waking up ds.

Dh does help, getting up in mornings, and with bits of bedtimes. But she screams for me.

Please help. I know it's ridiculous and I've made these massive rods for my back.

OP posts:
Hedgehogging · 29/08/2014 18:10

You poor thing. I really don't have any advice as I'm still only at the small baby stage but maybe, if your worry about waking your DS is preventing you from tackling your DD's sleep, you could move him into your room for a little bit? Fold-up bed or mattress on floor and then you could try and get a run at sorting DD without the fear of waking DS?

Hopefully someone who's been in a similar boat might be along soon to offer some advice as to what form the sleep sorting should take! Thanks

runlikeagirl · 30/08/2014 09:16

Thanks for reply. Our door doesn't close and next door so not sure if there would be enough distance. But worth a shot I supposed.

OP posts:
leeloo1 · 30/08/2014 21:36

Have you looked at the Sleep Lady (Kim West)? I've just started doing the Sleep Lady Shuffle (Gradual retreat technique), based on her book and its been amazing for my ds (11 months). She has sections in her book Good Night, Sleep Tight for children all the way up to 5/6, so there should be something to help you I'd hope. She has loads of videos on utube and also advice on her website if you're interested.

I'd spent about 3 months trying to do the No Cry Sleep Solution with no success (and quite a bit of crying) with strong-willed baby (it worked for dd at 18 months, but she had a v different temperament), but after 1 night of 'Shuffling', bedtime took an hour, he was hard to settle 10-11.30, had a really good feed & fed to sleep at 3.15 (rather than about 10 mini feeds he usually has at every wake up during the night) and then slept til 7am! Compared with the 5 - 10 times he's been up every night previously, this is like a miracle. I also could hear him half-waking up and settling himself during the night for the first time ever! :)

Sleep Lady talks a lot about not doing 'intermittent reinforcement' and I realised how much I'd inadvertently been doing that - e.g. I'd try to shush or cuddle baby instead of feeding to sleep, but then he'd get so distressed and really wanted to feed that I'd give in and ds would fall asleep feeding but then wake up as I put him back in cot and he'd stand up again and howl, so I'd try to cuddle hm as he arched and howled more.... it must have been confusing & knackering for him (as well as for me).

Last night he cried on and off the whole time of bedtime, but I felt I was there and reassuring him so not too distressing (I hope!).

Tonight he pottered about his cot, playing with toys (this is new) and lying down a few times as I studiously looked the other way for about 30mins, then he stood up and grizzled a couple of times and I gave him a quick hug and lay him down and he cried for about a minute, so I patted his tummy (he stopped crying and put his head to the side as if to go to sleep immediately, but sleep lady warns against 'sealing the deal' for the child) so I took my hand away and after 1 more min of crying he went to sleep!

I never thought I'd do a kind of attended-CIO technique, but tonight it seemed like ds was relieved to be calm and soothing himself to sleep as he settled down, so its definitely the right choice for him.

Sorry for the essay, but I hope its helpful. :)

(and please keep your fingers crossed for me that it keeps working! ;))

leeloo1 · 30/08/2014 21:37

Forgot to say, I also have a 5 year old and I have swapped rooms with her to try and get baby sleeping through - so dd is 'camping' on floor in my usual room and I'm in her cabin bed!!

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