19mo not sleeping through

[butteriesplease]

DS3 who is 19mo has never slept through.

He goes to sleep at about 7.30/8pm, wakes at 10.30/12 and ends up in our bed till 6ish.

when he goes to sleep he has a bottle, on my lap, sitting on the sofa bed in his room, when he's asleep I pop him in his cot (or he pings up, and I cuddle him again - repeat as required).

Then when he wakes up, generally, he's inconsolable and the only way to get him back to sleep is to bring him into our bed, where he hits the pillow and sleeps almost immeditaley - if I try and soothe him whilst he's in his cot, if he's already standing up, it's too late. If I cuddle him he'll sleep, but won't settle back in his cot. I am so tired! Any ideas?? He has one nap in the afternoon, normally about 1.5h-2hr long.

My 19mth old is the same.

I am hoping she'll get there eventually. :-)

When my DS1 was little, I read a book about sleep - the basic idea is that the baby falls asleep in exactly the conditions he/she will be in if he/she wakes at night, so that they can self settle.

So, in their cot, light off, no sound.

All babies wake every four hours, but if they self settle, they fall asleep again within a couple of minutes. If they fall asleep on your lap, they will wake 4 hours later screaming because they are no longer on your lap!

That's the theory, anyway. DS1 was an awful sleeper, mainly due to nightmares, but we always aimed for:

Bath, milk, story and song, kiss, light off and then promise to pop back in for a quick kiss 10 mins later.

For a long time, I had to sit by the cot reading, then move to the door etc (gradual withdrawal) and it did work - other than the nights he had nightmares.

He's 10 now, and still likes his song before his light is off.

He's not self-settling, so he is unlikely to sleep through. He needs to fall asleep in his cot so that when he stirs and wakes a little (which they all do) it's not a surprise - that's what he's feeling now. I think I'd feel a bit worried too if I fell asleep in one place then woke up in another.

It might be a bit of a drama for a few days/weeks, but can you create a routine which means the last thing he does is go to sleep by himself in his cot? My DD for example (21.5 months) has a bath at 6.15, has a cup of milk at 6.30 then watches in the night garden, we read a couple of books and then once the programme has finished she goes up for her teeth, we turn on her groclock (she loves the star) then we pop her in her cot with her teddies and say goodbye. You will find your own sequence of events that LO likes, but whatever it is as long as he goes to sleep by himself you stand a chance of getting a full night.

Totally agree with the others. My DD (14 months) used to fall asleep while drinking her bottle in her cot and we stopped this so that she was self-settling. It took a few nights and a lot of input from us - next to the cot. WE also slowed her down longer before bedtime and removed her from the chaos which is our home at bedtime (have 2 significantly older DC often with extra friends and DH arriving home, etc etc).

I can't promise the problem is solved but it is certainly a massive step forward for us. We found that before we made the changes we woudl have to give DD a bottle to settle herself back to sleep every time she woke through the night (at least once).

thanks everyone. I think we need to change the bedtime routine so he goes to sleep in his cot, then keep at it.

Do you thknk that if I do:
bath/say night night to everyone/story with milk upstairs/kiss night night from mummy/night night all the toys/into cot/extra kiss
then back every 10mins till he sleeps? that would be reasonable?

just need more sleep!

Remove the association between milk and sleep. Give his milk before bath and stories. Put him in his cot, tired and sleepy after bath and stories.

You could plan to reduce intervention by 10% every three days. (Not an exact science!) So, stage one, he goes to sleep in his cot with you shushing / patting in his room. Then you decide how long you keep him in his room before moving him to your room, or not at all, brave it out, get comfy on the floor and shush pat, pick up put down all night.

Then gradually reduce your intervention.

breaking the association between sleep and milk - good thinking. Would it be wimpy to first make sure that the story etc is part of the routine, then just move the milk? Currrently, stories are often early before bath, then it's milk and sleep (or attempts to sleep).

Presume would be better to get a decent routine, and hopefully DS3 going to sleep in his cot, and sleeping through perhaps, then move milk to earlier??

the others just grew out of waking up at night. Sigh.

Make a plan and then flex it as needs be!!

Perhaps stories with milk in his cot. Then remove milk. I don't think you will get sleeping through before you move the milk association.

well, last night we made a start.

Bath, story with milk in his room on the sofa , kisses night night, into his cot. He screamed the house down for 20mins, (I was in his room, shush-ing etc) then he stopped, lay down, and just dozed off. He then slept till about 3am, and I brought him into my bed at that point.

Nursery said that when they do afternoon nap, he has lunch, bottle, CLIMBS INTO BED BY HIMSELF and goes to sleep. Hmm. so he can for sure do it at home.

will keep at it, and when he's settling with minimal fuss, we'll hopefully see that he gets himself back to sleep at 3am, and then move milk to be at tea time.

fingers crossed.

If he is not falling asleep on his milk, that is a huge improvement! Track the time he is taking to fall asleep and in a few days, try going in at the night waking and staying with him in his room. Good luck!!

I feel quite proud! to be honest, he quite often doesn't fall asleep on the bottle, but in the post-milk cuddling (or him twisting and turning for a while and being a monkey, then cuddles!). Do feel that if I can keep this up, we'll be a big step forward. Once that's improved, I'll try just shush-ing him when/if he wakes up in the middle of the night.
thanks for all the advice. x