Controlled Crying for a 14 month Old ?

[lovinit]

I have been reading the latest CC thread and am wondering what advice you have and what success stories there are with anyone who has attempted it with a 14 month old .

DD has not slept through the night since she was 7 months and so I had only 2 months of blliss . She started early morning waking anywhere between 4.30 andd 5.30 am and this routine has changed lilttle since and I am simply worn out as I have another DD who is 3 and am also 18 weeks pregnant with #3 ! Since I had to travel a month ago or so it was easy to do the easy thing and a) let her havev her nighttime bottle in her cot and to give her the morning bottle when she woke at that time of the morning (to avoid waking the whole neighbourhood and also to get her to settle again to sleep till a more reasonable time in the morning).

So now how do I try to acheive what seems the impossible and get her to break the habit ? DD does settle by herself without a bottle for lunch nap most times and at nights if I have the time and chance , I will feed her in her room in the dark and when she is drowsy can put her down with no problem (although this is getting harder)

I feel like such a bad mummy for allowing things to become like this and then wanting to change it but really, I cannot see how I can cope when the new baby arrives if I have to be up also at that witching time in the morning with her plus have to spend have so much problems settling her at night.

Any suggestions would be most welcome !

I had prob with DS as he got so used to falling asleep with the lulaby on his monitor that he started waking and needing it to fall asleep through the night.

I couldnt manage hard core controlled cying but I used to do a bedtime routine (bath, change for bed, milk, story, bed) then after the story which he had in his cot, I would kiss him, say good night to him then walk out of the room.

He would then cry straight away but I would leave him til he properly cried and go back in an lay him down, saying SHHH, SHHH and not looking at him, repeating that until he was so tired that he fell asleep. First night it took about 3/4 hour then less and less. It is def easier with someone there with you as I found that when I wanted to give in, my DH stopped me and vice versa. Took about 2 weeks before he went without much of a fuss. It was worth it as even when he wakes, he just makes afew noises then falls asleep again (as long as he is not teething!!).

Maybe in the morning, you could try just going into her and lying her down, trying to show her that it is still night.I have not had to do this with another child in the house so not sure how practical that is (DS is my first). If she can put herslef to sleep at night, then she may just go back to sleep when she wakes early. That is what DS started doing.

Dont make yourself feel guilty about things like this, it must be really hard with 2, another on the way, and not enough sleep. I am 24 weeks preg, with just one 14 month DS and I am finding that exhausting enough with out another as well! If she can do it at her naptime without the bottle, then I am sure that she can do it at night. So def just stick with it. Hope that helps. xxxx

Sorry, when I said I repeated the Shhh Shhh bit, I meant that I layed him down, then walked out of the room. Then went back in, laye dhim down and walked out of the room etc.

My personal opinion (says she, donning very hard hat as she prepares to say it) is that CC works very well at this age. But then I have rarely seen a problem with CC.. mainly because in my experience and the way I have done it, does NOT involve 'leaving your child to scream for long periods', quite the reverse in fact. They may scream, but they are not unattended. You just refuse to pick them up.

A sleep problem that remains unaddressed (or without any proper attempt to recify it) is bad for both parent and child IMO.

CC worked really well for me when DS was 15 months. I was in & out of that room every 2mins for 3 hours - bloody knackering at 2am, but so well worth it. Slept through the night 3 days later for the first time in his whole life & we've never looked back 6 years on!!!
Get Richard Ferber's book, be strong & get some sleep.

thank you for the messages ... I will definitely try but need to wait and get some rest back before I attempt it as at the moment am just too knackered !

Am going to start another thread to ask if it works for early morning wake up

I really just wanted to share with you all the joy of my success with Controlled Crying.
DD1 was sleep trained using this method at 4.5 months as I had to unexpectedly return to work full time when he was just 5 months old and still breastfeeding and thankfully it took only 3 nights, I used the leaving the room method and I cried on the other side of the wall listening to him. It paid off though he has been a 12 hour sleeper ever since and he's now 3 yrs old.
When DD2 arrived I made the classic mistake of jumping at his every awakening so that DD1 would not be disturbed and in a zombie state continued 2 hourly breastfeeds round the clock, literally! As it happens he was diagnosed with Gastric Reflux at 4 months and CC was obviously out the window as laying down was the most painful position for him to be in . Anyway weaned him off night feeds at 5 months and replaced with cooled boiled water which reduced the number of times he'd wake but he'd still wake 2 to 3 times nightly.
At 9 months he appeared to grow out of the reflux and no longer required his medication but I was still afraid to do the CC 'just in case'.
By 12 months (last month) I'd had enough of waking up no more rested than if I'd stayed up all night and I really tried lots of different methods to reduce the crying but nothing worked especially when my husband would barge in and rescue him if he cried for more than a minute.
This week had to stay at my mothers as our bathroom was being ripped out and fortunately she has a cot so I decided it's now or never as his rescuer would be 30 miles away.
Monday night, as soon as I lay him down he cried and jumped up, I told him, 'Lie down, it's time to go to sleep' and physically lay him down. The first 3 times he jumped up I'd repeat the verbal command, thereafter I would lay him down without speaking and seat myself by the cot without facing him. Mon night it took 30 minutes and I could see him reaching for me out of the corner of my eye's and it was painful not to respond I really wanted to throw in the towel but I'm knackered and really need the sleep more.
I decided to repeat the exercise Tues naptime (he is not renowned for daytime naps), again it took 30 minutes but reduced to 20 at bedtime, Weds naptime took 15 minutes and at bedtime only 10 and he slept through till 6am, oh joy of joys ! Thurs naptime 10 minutes, Thurs bedtime 10 minutes, and guess what slept through again! Fri bedtime back home in his usual cot 15 minutes but my little darling slept through till 6:30am!
Now here is where you need to be quite vocal with anyone obstructive. I slept with DD1 last night as husbands? snoring was keeping me awake. I heard DD2 wake up and checked the time but he instantly went quiet and I thought there's no way he could of gone back to sleep at 6:30am, so I crept into our bedroom and what did I see? Horror of horrors, husband was cuddling DD2 in our bed trying to get him back to sleep , I went berserk, snatched him up and took him downstairs to start his day. Naptime only 10 minutes again.
Tonight, did the same again and guess what? It took 0 minutes, I think it's a fluke though; he was teething so I gave him 2.5ml of Calpol and he had had a very active day.
I cannot tell you how much better I felt physically and emotionally after just 2 night?s uninterrupted sleep.
All that's left now is to find a way to 'Control' my husband!

Hi Lovinit and Co, I'm going to jump in on this thread as I've been looking for ideas to get us out of our current pickle with DD who is 16mo. There are definately different approaches that are relevant at different stages. I've been reading a thread about the No Cry sleep solution but all the mum's on that tread have 6mo-9mo bubs and despite my desperate desire to find a no-cry solution, I know that at this stage it isn't going to happen. She now knows the crying gets a response and can turn it on and off. I'm not criticising DD, crying is just their main way of expression for so long there is no surprise it's so effective.

A quick precis of my situation: DD slept in own cot from 7-7 from 6 months, good day naps so long as we were at home, not so good if we were out and about. Well established routine achieved this IMO. Minor wobbles due to teething but always got back on track. Last month we went to Australia to visit my family for 4 weeks. Jetlag and staying in so many different places, often all in the same room lead to her end up in our bed at some point in the night for all but 4 nights of the trip. This was to avoid waking our various friends and to ensure we all got sleep. Tried to sort it out while at my folks for 2 weeks and gave up after 3rd night as I realised I'd have to do it all again when we came home.

Coming home her jetlag has been profound, wide awake for 3+ hours, going back down for 2-3 hours and wide awake again, just as if it were day. But then managing to be awake most of the following day too! I've had no idea when to do naps and so on, or how long to stay up with her at night. It's a totally different ballgame when you don't know what time zone they are in. What was also very apparent is that while she will happily go down in her cot, once she wakes she expects to be taken into our bed. So I'm really fighting on 2 fronts. But now after 5 nights of being home I can see the jetlag subsiding so now we have to deal with the co-sleeping as I can't handle any more of it. DH snores and I usually sleep through it but not if DD has just kicked me in the head for the 3rd time. I lie there resenting both of my loved ones!

So tonight we've agreed to start with CC to keep her in that cot. Can anyone recommend whether to pick her up or not? Dr Christopher Green of Toddler Taming advocates going in, picking up, calming, putting down and walking out adding 2 mins to the waiting time outside each time. I haven't read Ferber so am wondering what that approach entails. I'm just telling myself that perhaps by the end of the week this situation will be sorted and I can once more enjoy uninterrupted sleep with just Mr Snorey for company.

BTW, Lovinit; I take my hat off to you, I don't know how you manage with 2 already and being preg again. You must be so tired!!! I really hope you get your DD sorted before no3. arrives.

Finally, Dr Green writes that the most important thing is to believe that you have the power to make this work and cure your child of the sleep problem. So strong belief & willpower to us all and we shall overcome our toddlers!!!