If she is tired why doesn't she just go to sleep?

[CaramelCupcake]

This is the question my SO asked me yesterday as i rocked my grouchy, ear pulling, puffy eyed 3mth old daughter to sleep for her afternoon nap... 'They all just need help as they only know they have a problem, not what it is, so we need to spot that the answer is sleep and encourage it' was my answer, but am i right? Have been pondering it since.. Do other babies this age actually roll over and go to sleep if tired??

And yes i know i need to get out of the habit of rocking, but it works so well!

I think it depends on the baby. Some you can put down and they go to sleep almost instantly, some (including ds) like to fight it as long as they can.

Wondering if there is an age at which they are more likely to be able to do that.. If i put dd down 'to sleep' when she is tired, she goes mental (quite the opposite of rolling over to go to sleep!).. Kinda hoping someone will tell me that at x months i can likely stop bouncing her to sleep..

My DS is 4.5 months old and no matter how tired he is he will scream and scream if I put him in his cot.

I'm currently tearing my hair out trying to get him to have a nap...

My DD was like this, she used to scream rather than go to sleep. DH used to walk around the bedroom whispering in her ear "the bad feeling is tired just close your eyes and go to sleep". It got better, not in a magic moment but little bit by little bit. Some of them just can't switch off!

Been there, it's hard isn't it?

Some babies can be easily overstimulated. We all need to be relaxed as well as tired to get a good sleep. If babies aren't relaxed then they will sleep fitfully if at all (much like when you're in bed, physically exhausted but your mind is active). Young babies stare at things that they find unusual, and very young babies can't look away from things that have captured their attention. If you are holding the baby and walking around trying to get them to sleep, a blank wall may help.

With many babies it's important to stop them from being overstimulated. Your baby's threshold will be different from others. Hiccups can be a sign of overstimulation.

A trick to get a sleeping baby in their cot is to rock them in your arms with their feet lower than their bottom, and bottom lower than their head. Gently rock and lower the baby so that their feet touch the cot first, then their bottom, then their head. (This is to prevent the startle reflex).

My four month old will not 'settle' to sleep unless I'm in bed with her and she's got a fistful of my hair in her hand, with white noise AND Bob Dylan playing.

She's also stopped letting us rock her to sleep or sleeping in the pram or car, so we don't even have that anymore.

We met up with some family yesterday and their three month old went straight to sleep when she was put down. Apparently she also sleeps through the night.

Sigh.

When you think about it sleeping is an extremely risky thing to do when you're a helpless infant. It's not like they can wake and quickly run away if a sabre-toothed tiger suddenly appears. Hence (maybe?) why they need such reassurance- cuddles, rocking, a big person to hold them so they know it's safe to sleep.

The whole "teaching to self-settle" is probably our attempt to extinguish that instinctive caution around sleep- to teach them it's actually safe to fall asleep when they are on their own. It's actually kind of sweet. (Clearly I had a decent night last night.)

My two cents worth anyway

Your definitely not alone! My 5mo dd is not one of those babies who rolls over and goes to sleep. She's a screamer so we've given up trying to settle her in her cot and we just cuddle and rock til she falls asleep. My husband does most of it because she's getting too heavy for me and he says he has to stand by a wall so she can't get distracted. I'm sure she needs a blindfold!!
I've tried a bit of massage to relax her but I think she even finds that too stimulating. I'm waiting for the day she'll be put in her cot happy but awake and just shut her eyes and nod off!!

My DD had to be rocked/cuddled/walked in buggy or BF to sleep until around 8 months, when she was looking sleepy so I just tried putting her in the cot, she grizzled for a minute or two then just fell asleep! So I think it's something babies get to in their own time - and bet that time varies massively!

DD would have lay there awake indefinitely. DS would have gone straight to sleep. Depends on the baby really. I've not done anything different with DS.

The 'reassurance from a big person so they know its safe to sleep' idea really resonates with me :) aww.

I am happy to rock her as its clear when she is actually tired so it doesnt take long for her to nod off usually.. Though she will only sleep if i rock her, never for my dh. I also just hold (or carry) her for her daytime naps so that she gets a good hour or 2 at a time, if i put her in cot she wakes within a few mins! She's my little barnacle baby.

Good to hear others are in the same boat tho and that likely dd will decide in her own time that she feels safe/secure enough to drift off on her own.

Yes, that thought makes me go all mushy too .