Don't want to make same mistakes second time round...

[nello]

DS is 7 weeks old. I'm trying not to repeat the terrible nap routine that I got obsessed with when DD was a baby. I was desperate to get her onto a 3 hourly eating pattern, following baby whisperer...so Eat-active-sleep cycle. The only way I could get DD to manage this pattern was to force her to keep napping. I did this by walking for every single nap, either with sling or with pram, so that she would sleep until the next 3hourly feed. This was exhausting and meant I never had any time, until 6 months when she started napping in her cot by her choice.

Now I don't want to get into the same obsession about naps with DS, especially as I have two little ones to juggle now, but don't really know what else to do. What do other people do about naps...just wanting any advice at all really? DD is 3 years old and at pre school during the days. DS currently only wanting to nap on me and not in cot at all. What is a happy medium for ensuring naps but living a normal enough life with this?!

Thanks.

I had twins, which I think helped me let go of 'routines'.

I just got on with my day, with the babies in tow. They slept if and when they were tired. They slept (and still do, aged 3 years!) in the car seat, in the buggy, on me, in the cot, on the floor at baby groups, wherever they were when they got tired.

They now sleep very well. Once they're asleep they are not easily disturbed (can put light on, put washing away, stop/start car etc) so I can get on with my life.

We have the odd bedtime battle with my DS, but I think that's down to being 3 years old rather than anything I did or didn't do with naps.

Make your life as easy as possible; just get on with life and let your baby fit in :)

But did you not get into the situation where they are tired but didn't know how to get to sleep and then get upset? Hoe did you manage that? And did this mean that you had some days that were disastrous because they hadn't gotten the sleep that they needed?

I feel quite scared to let go completely....I didn't know what to expect.

And also, if you don't have a sleep routine, hoe can you stretch the feeds to 3 hours, or did you end up feeding more regularly than that?

Lots of questions! Thanks for your advice.

Are you bf of ff nello? If bf then there's no reason to stretch out feeds, just feed on demand.

DD was equally tricky with naps, so I did lots of sling-wearing and pram pushing, but that was to get her to sleep at all - I just bf on demand, which was more like every 90mins when she was very tiny.

I didn't do anything about naps thinking babies slept when they needed it. By about three months I had a DD who I think just didn't really know how to go to sleep and would somedays go HOURS without one. Bedtime involved feeding to sleep and might involve repeat attempts to put her down. She would - obviously - be horrifically over-tired.

I started using a sling and bought a snooze shade for the buggy and basically had to take her out for every nap on the dot of 90 mins wake time. At almost five months we've made progress - I know her tired signs and never let her go over (or try not to!) and she will go down (sleepy but awake) in her cot. Importantly. She seems to have learnt that tiredness = time for sleep and now actually sometimes nods off without my intervention. That would just not have happened a few months ago - she'd have just got more and more grumpy.

Unfortunately naps are still invariably 30 mins on the dot so that's my next challenge. I think that's part of the same problem - she didn't learn how to go to sleep and still doesn't know how to get past one cycle.

She is EBF on demand so I didn't/don't have a routine. I don't think you need a strict routine to ensure sleep but I also don't think you can rely on a baby just sleeping when they need it - some will but not all. For me there's a halfway house and that's what we're working toward. (In practice she tends to feed when she wakes with a quick snack before I put her down again.)

Sorry that's quite long, hope it in some way helps! I totally sympathise with how stressful sleep can be - I've cried buckets over it in the last few months. Try not to let it stop you enjoying your lovely newborn.

Why do you want to stretch feeds to three hours? Genuine question. There is no reason you should 'aim' for that.

The sling is your friend for a second- you can't take the baby for hours long walks in the pram, and they'll only prod the baby.

No, they fell asleep when they were tired or during a feed. I don't ever remember trying to get a baby to sleep, I just fed them when they seemed hungry and let them decide whether to sleep or play between feeds.

I didn't try to stretch feeds to 3 hours. They settled into a 2.5 hour ish pattern quite quickly (first few weeks), but there were times it was longer and times it was shorter. I just offered the boob every time they cried or rooted or looked unhappy.

I didn't really know what to 'expect', though patterns did come and go. I just responded to whatever happened when it happened and carried on with whatever in between. Part if the beauty I breastfeeding, as I didn't need to know how much milk to take out/be near hot water to feed etc. as long as I was with the babies then I could just carry on with life and feed/change as and when necessary I have breastfed in some strange places.

Lots of the posters here have obviously had babies who've been relatively 'easy' and flexible wrt to daytime sleep. I would LOVE to have just got on with my life when DS was little, and let him sleep when he was tired, but it did not work out like that. He would NEVER just 'fall asleep on the playmat' or at a baby group. He is a very spirited little thing and always needed lots of help to get to sleep, and if he didn't get adequate naps during the day he would just scream and scream with over tiredness.

I guess OP, what I would say is, try to aim for a halfway house like one of the other posters said: you will drive yourself mad trying to get a tiny baby into a routine based on the clock - they don't understand time. I sent myself pretty much mental trying to do this with DS and I didn;t have a 3 year old to worry about too....

But maybe just try to keep an eye on your LO's sleep cues or just be aware that he will need to sleep after being awake for around 90 mins ish at this stage. So this might coincide with your walk/drive to DC1's pre school after breakfast? And then later in the morning maybe you could rock the buggy in the hallway? Try not to get obsessed with a feeding routine, easier said than done I know. I think even with FF babies youre supposed to feed on demand for the first few months. that's what i was told. A natural routine will emerge in the next few months and in almost no time at all your little baby will be eating fishfingers and having no milk at all. Try not to stress about getting this 'right'. Sounds like you'e doing a brill job

Thank you so much for your wise words. All are really helpful. Too tired to triply properly now, but I will do in the morning.

Any other thoughts. Keep them coming!

My dd chose to feed every 2 1/2 hours after about a week and moved onto every 3 hours by choice when she was about a month old.

I has originally intended to be v scheduled but in the end went for a rough schedule, with feeding every 3 hours ish, easy style, but if naps clashed, just gave her a top up before the nap so she would sleep for longer and didn't feed every time she woke.

I found the most important thing was the time of the last nap of the day, so that bedtime was the around the same time every night, as I found getting her up at about the same time every day meant her natural routine was more noticeable.

I'd take her out in the pram, car, feed to sleep etc if I thought she would fight the last nap at the time I wanted her to have it.

After about 12 weeks her naps became more predictable, with a long first nap, shorter second and third nap, and last nap never more than 30mins.

I do believe you can often force a routine, but it can be very restrictive (I don't like doing much on a morning because I like to be close to home to get the best naps)