How to teach a 2 year old to fall asleep alone.

[starchildmum]

We have never let our daughter cry for a second so I am really helpless on what to do now....

She sleeps in her own room and has so far used the dummy an her rabbit to fall asleep. She used to tickle her nose with one ear of the rabbit until she sleeps.

Last week I stopped from one day to the next the dummy as I felt it was time to stop this habit. She first cried and insisted that I stay in the room sitting next to her bed which I did. But As I had to stay every night for 1-2 hours, I decided I don't want to replace one habit with another one which makes her now completely dependent on me...

I am 8 month pregnant so I am really desperate to sort the situation out. The last 4 nights I left her alone - always going back from time to time telling her that I am her, that she needs to lie down etc. but as soon as I leave the room the ( very intense) crying continues. She stands in her bed and desperately cries. So far It was more than 1 hour every night. Whilst I still go every 5 min to calm her a little ( it does not help) she cries until she is too exhausted. There is not a single moment when she is in bed able to comfort herself. She just crys Mummy Mmmy.

I am highly distressed and find the crying heart- breaking. I have been told it should get better after a while but I don't see any light at the end of this. I could end this by just staying with her but it means I will end up staying with her every night for 1 hour or longer and also during the night... When she wakes up she insists me staying next to her until she sleeps.

So it seems as if the replaced the one need ( dummy) with another ( me) to be able to sleep. How can I help her ? how can she just be happy with her rabbit and the cd with goodnight stories?

Last week I ended up sleeping in the armchair for an hour or so... With a baby on the way I really would be grateful for any advise as the crying method seems so cruel an so far I had no improvement whatsoever...

She was always to happy with her dummy to sleep...

I am scared to traumatise her or to destroy her trust... But really need to find a way to allow a peaceful evening routine.

Our pre bed time is already good. Lots of physical activity in the afternoon. Bath. Dinner. Quiet play. Goodnight story. Milk. When she goes to ged she is tiered.

I'd give her back the dummy. I know it's not popular these days, but ds2 needed a dummy (ds1 didn't, both ff) and kept it until he was over 3. He had a wee collection, and could keep 2 or 3 in his mouth at a time. Yes, I was a bit embarrassed, he had them in the daytime too, but it didn't affect his speech, and these days (he's 24 yo) his teeth are straight and also unaffected.

No, I think its very bad for the teeth. If anything I will stay with her in the room until she sleeps... However as baby number 2 will arrive in a couple of weeks this might be very time consuming.

Given her age I'm not sure how you expect to take anything away or implement anything new without some upset.

Either give dummy back and try again when she's a bit older and she can understand more, or accept that she may cry.

Two yr olds cry, you will find yourself jumping through hoops and spending your days on tenterhooks trying up keep her from getting upset.

If you do it, you need to keep it up and not give in or she will know straight what point to get to when you will come running.

Given her age I'm not sure how you expect to take anything away or implement anything new without some upset.

Either give dummy back and try again when she's a bit older and she can understand more, or accept that she may cry.

Two yr olds cry, you will find yourself jumping through hoops and spending your days on tenterhooks trying up keep her from getting upset.

If you do it, you need to keep it up and not give in or she will know straight what point to get to when you will come running.

Hi, I think this might be a bad time to make major changes, it is going to be quite a big shock for your DD when her little brother or sister arrives. My DD1 was 22 months when DD2 was born and it has taken her a while to adjust. She now adores her little sister but I think making major changes is best avoided at this time.

I think I would either give her the dummy back and try again in 6 months, or try and do a gradual withdrawal technique which might be less upsetting for you both. So first 2 nights you sit by her bed, then next 2 nights you move the chair a bit further away and sit there, then repeat until you are out of the door.

I'd give the dummy back too. In a month's time you won't be able to sit with her as long as you like. Also, it will be a huge chamge for her when you have DC2. Dummy might give her a bit more of a sense of same.

With a baby coming you need to do what you have to do to survive! I'd give her the dummy back but only at night then when things are settled with the baby and tou are able to get some sleep yourself then try again. My DS became much more easy to encourage to change once he got to about 3 years old using reward charts etc. He never had a dummy to be fair but other things like wee accidents, tantrums etc were a real struggle before he could understand things a little better. With reward charts (daily sticker then a present after x number of stickers on the chart) things became much easier!!

Different situation, but I was heavily pregnant with no 2 when my first (about 2.5) decided as soon as I said goodnight it was time to get out of bed and run out into the living room. My husband was working away so can sympathise with your concerns re how will I cope in a months time!
After trying lots of things (and getting very annoyed/upset) a version of gradual withdrawal worked for me- I think he was possibly wary of all the change and needed some extra attention/reassurance. It was one of those situations where I had to learn how to draw a boundary and just calmly hold it... And hold it... And hold it! It did work, and with hindsight I can see he was craving to know where that boundary was... Once he knew he was all happy and secure again...

I told him I would stay at the door- he could see my shadow from the bathroom light behind me... First few nights stayed till asleep, then would tell him I'd stay for 15 mins, 10 mins etc. also told him what I'd be doing when I went away (washing dishes- our house is tiny) so he could listen out and know I was still there. Different situation I know but first few nights I had to return him to bed- the only way it worked was to be totally emotionally flat, reassuring that yes I love you, but it's time to sleep. As soon as he worked out that was all he was going to get from me, he stopped but wasn't upset about it. Might be similar but different if your little one is upset and needs reassurance.
Good luck!

Thank you.

Well I tried the cio method for 5 nights. It was emotionally very intense but was getting better already after day 4.

I went back a few times to let her know that I am there and for some extra reassurance. However she would just cry even more when I left again but had learnt already that she is not getting more.

In her desperation I took on top of that her favourite rabbit and said that he will need to go with me if she does not stop crying... She was devastated but stopped immediately.

From that point onwards the slightest hint of protest and I just need to mentioned to take her rabbit to make her surrender in a second.

Since then she goes to bed with a smile, her much loved rabbit and listens to a bedtime story on her cd player...

No dummy and no mummy who needs to comfort her....

It really worked! Very proud.