5mo old has never slept through - starting to lose it!!!

[sophia1957]

I need advice. My dd has never slept through - still waking at 11, 1, 3, 5 and every hour after that and she doesn't sleep longer than a quick 20 min nap during the day when held or in the car or on a walk. She is also very needy and I need to carry her in a sling or entertain her constantly or she will cry inconsolably (have tried controlled crying - just made it worse - she couldn't be settled for hours afterwards and started bawling as I even tried to set her down).

I am losing my mind with lack of sleep, resentment and frustration!

Any advice?

At the moment it seems like she is waking because she can't get comfortable. Turns onto tummy and then struggles to get comfortable until she gets stuck in a corner of the cot. She falls asleep next to me in bed and will sleep there for a while, but wakes as soon as I put her down in the cot when she rolls over.

I really fear that I am going to hurt her one day in my frustration in the middle of the night. I love her so much.

Please please help! Or at least tell me this will pass soon !!

Have some of these

It will pass. I have a ten month old and it started around six months to go to one waking and now he wakes but doesn't cry and falls back to sleep. We put hm in he own room from five months and started giving him baby rice in the evening to fill him up at just over five months.

He stil wanted a feed t about 3 am but on advice, I stopped that and just rubbed his back and sshhhhed him to sleep and no he doesn't wake.

(I am pregnant again and have restless legs so not up due to baby - he sleeps from 9 am until 8 am now)

Sorry but this is normal at her age. My ds was the same, down to the controlled crying failing miserably. He finally slept through at 13 mo (sorry...)

She sounds fairly high needs, again not outside the range of normal. Google high needs baby.

Is she bf? Mine all were and it does generally mean very broken sleep... until quite late... at least 10 months...could you try formula for nights? Cc might be more successful that way

I just carried my ds in a sling till way past a year. Try to maintain a routine. Try cc every six weeks or so. Get help in for a daily nap for yourself.

It will get better but there's no way of knowing when. I'm sorry!! If you're feeling really dreadful pls see GP. Pnd is a big risk with a high needs bub.

Sympathy and hand to hold.

She does sound on the high needs side, but I also wonder if you have been having some unhelpful advice about sleeping. Not sleeping through at 6 months even is (unfortunately) very common, even lots of fairly strict baby routines would suggest 1-2 feeds overnight at this point and maybe some further awakenings.

My worst sleeper was ff and my best breastfed so that isn't guaranteed to be an answer either.

For us the best solution was eventually to go with the flow and sling / pram to sleep and cosleep, my hardest and most emotionally tricky times were when I was trying so hard to do everything by the book.

Do you have someone who can take her for a bit while you nap, go for a walk, see a friend, go out for dinner with your partner? When you're tired you need the time to yourself too!

And another thing - as your high needs girl grows up you will see how what now looks like stubbornness in not sleeping will become persistence with puzzles, her exhausting alertness will become an adorable curiosity about the world,her clinginess will become her fierce love for you and her need to be held will mean snuggles as you read a bedtime book together. Hang on in there, the first 6 months can be the hardest when you get a nonsleeper!

No advice really, just to say I understand. I have an 8 month old who still wakes every two hours, sometimes hourly.

I started a 'bad sleepers' support thread which you can find through the search function (sorry, am on phone, a bit tricky to link) and you can join us there for a chat!

Hows the routine in the daytime?

Do you have a dp?

What's the bedtime routine?

I'm of the belief that sleep can be improved. There is no need for 6+ night feeds at 5 months old. 1-2 but not 6!

and sympathies!

However, most babies do not sleep through until they are much older. Have you got anyone who can help or who can look after the baby in the mornings to let you have a lie in a couple of times a week?

Is baby bf or ff? Not that there is a hard and fast rule as to which feeding method results in better sleep.

Have you considered co sleeping so that you don't have to get up to settle her but just role over in bed....

Thanks so much for the replies and sympathy!

Baby is bf, but is not really waking to feed. She mostly falls asleep almost as soon as I put her to the breast or pick her up.

We have no routine whatsoever. I had high hopes for a routine before she was born, but that all went out the window. She feeds whenever she wants and sleeps whenever she wants. Tbh I'm just so happy when she does have a good nap in the day occasionally that I'll let her sleep as long as she likes. I guess I have been getting all the wrong "advice" on sleeping - and as seems to be normal, in-laws aren't helping with the constant "how is she sleeping" questions. Partner used to come in every morning and request a break-down of exactly when she woke and for how long, but gave that up about two months ago.

I guess I am just exausted and a little depressed. I feel so alone in dealing with her constantly and unable to do anything else. But she is lovely and very bright and adorable and I do thank god for her. I just feel like I am failing as a mother sometimes. The house is a mess. I've not cooked dinner in ages. I can barely cope with loading the dishwasher and putting on a load of washing.

You are right CustardFromATin - I'm happiest when I'm not trying too hard to be perfect. Your reply just had me in tears - in a good way. She is a lovely alert and clever girl and gives me the biggest smiles all the time.

I do cosleep in the morning from about 6am, as it's the only way to ensure getting some sleep, but she has started to get very active and is very uncomfortable after a while.

I guess it is just nose to the grindstone and get on with it.

I will def go and find that thread AwesomeSuperTasty!!!!

Thanks again everyone. It DOES help to know that I'm not alone or just plain incompetent and doing it wrong.

Just something I did (it might help but not directly related to baby)

Buy a slow cooker and bung in 2 or 3 lb of stewing steak and veg and when cooked that evening freeze a lot of it into portions

Cook a roast chicken this way too and will do you two days, same with gammon.

Buy baby potatoes, microwave rice, fresh pasta and make life easier on yourself.

Maybe cook two roast chickens when dh is home (or get him to) and any extra meat add peppers, courgette and curry sauce and portion off a few for the freezer.

I have a great stash of freezer food now and only really do a big cook when dh is here. Keep the dinners in disposable containers so you don't have to wash up all the time. That will free up an hour to rest or get on with things.

Please get some help first though (when you are back to yourself this advice might help- send the washing for service wash and eat takeaways for now- look after yourself first)

If you do ever have a moment to yourself, it's said a lot on here (and quite often by me), but the No Cry Sleep Solution won't give you a quick fix but WILL give some tips that with gentle persistence can help you to move towards a happier routine for both of you. Speaking of routine - I'm very much a feed and sleep on demand type, but as she gets older some level of loose routine can be really helpful for you to start feeling a bit less chaotic, if that is bothering you, and help give her some cues that sleep is coming. Do you have a rough idea of how many hours she can be up, for example? I found that by writing down the key activities for a few days, I saw a loose pattern and could then plan my days a little more to catch up with friends, pop something in the oven and (very very occasionally) maybe even dust a surface or two

My ds is 7 1/2 months and exactly like this. Praying he grows out of it soon.

Is she starting to teethe? Mine began at 3 months and by 4 months already had 2 teeth. It made their sleep even worse. I remember exactly how I felt, desperate, exhausted, low, no motivation etc it was awful.

I read Marc Weissbluth's book which I found helpful.

I used to put bonjela on their gums and shush pat them. It would help them to sleep until it wore off again.

Mine didn't sleep through consistently until about a year old. It does get better. The starting to move about and sleep regressions were so hard. I feel your pain.

Can your partner give you a lie in or you go to bed early to help for now?

Just also reread your OP and saw you feared getting too angry and hurting her. I've been there - with 2 of 3 DC - and know how it feels, and know how impossible it can be to talk about it in RL. And despite everything, mother love is a powerful thing and the closest I ever came to hurting anyone was getting astonishingly snarky with my husband and hurling the stupid ineffective sleep turtle across the room

BUT this is a risk and you have to take care of her and of you. Do you have a back up plan ready for when things do get pearshaped, just in case? Maybe you would go and get DH and you sleep for an hour (if she cries in his arms, she will still know she is held and safe and she will be fine. You and possibly DH can wear earplugs if needed!). Or maybe calling your mum. Or if you haven't support, you could leave her in the cot for a second while you make tea, look at pictures of happier times and calm down - or even a one off night where you turn on the lights to see her face and remember how lovely she is and play for a few hours in the middle of the night will not harm anything in the long run. If nothing works, you can call Crysis or even the Samaritans, talking is important.

My daughter was like this. Nothing we tried bloody helped but she slept through finally at about 21 months. Can totally sympathise with the going out of your mind with tiredness. My son is 6.5 months and has improved loads since we weaned him, although it doesn't help every baby.

My baby was pretty much exactly like this up until he was about two. He's now 34 months and has still never slept through. I'm just resigned to the fact that I will be up at least twice with him every night, and for the moment that's just what parenting means for me :( I've been where you are with the desperate physical tiredness and the feeling of starting to lose it mentally. What kept me alive was getting DH to take DS from 6-8am each morning while I slept. I found that if I could just get a two hour block of unbroken sleep I'd be sort of functional. To be honest though, what made the biggest difference to how I felt was letting go of the idea of 'sleeping through'. Once I accepted that I have a crap sleeper and that's just the way it is I could sort of cope. Now I am pretty much managing to live a normal life on three years of very broken sleep. I don't know if/when he'll ever 'sleep through' but I console myself with the thought that one day he won't want me in the night. One day I'll get to sleep again! The saddest thing is it's meant we'll never have a second child as there's no way I, DH or our marriage could survive doing this again.

There's no such thing as normal, it's just a question of finding what works for you. And once you think you have it a bit sussed out, you can guarantee DD will alter her routine!

I think 5 months is pretty early for any sort of sleep routine but you can start working towards one maybe. I think DD was around 7 months before we got a bedtime routine in place and she hated sleeping properly before midnight.

If you expressed would she take a bottle? If DH can do one feed in the night, it would probably help you to sleep.

Hi OP, you aren't failing.

I have a 13 week old who sleeps terribly and she's my third!

I'm struggling to have energy and patience for the older two and that makes me feel guilty. Luckily I have ILs who will take the older two while I nap with the baby. The only way she'll sleep for more than 20 mins in the day is by using my breast as a dummy.

Yes it is a phase and it will pass but sleep deprivation is awful. I know the resentment as well.

Please be kind to yourself