Controlled Crying at 1years old?

[cib77]

My wife and I have so far spoilt our son since he was born.
Bought him plenty of toys, always attend to him the moment he wakes up or is in any discomfort.
He is a very happy and overly active boy.

Whenever ever someone sees him, they always say does he ever stop crying or/and is he always like this.

He is currently still being fed naturally during night - once at 7pm and onece during the night.

So far during the day he refuses to sleep in his cot and we would need to use white noise and a lot of pushing to get him to sleep in his buggy.
During the night he would sleep in his cot but would need to initially fall asleep off the breast.

We want to try control crying with him and attempted it a few times.

So far within 5mims he cried so much he was coughing, sweating and panting....
I hated seeing him like this and decides during the first two times to give in within 2-3mins.

This is now the 6th attempt where I would leave him for 5mins and come back, reassure him and go back but even after 20mins he is still crying really hard.

This last attempt I slept in the room with him by trying to ignore him for 10-15mins with white noise then reassuring him but that also did not work and I ended up feeding him to sleep.

My husband thinks I am too strict as I am pushing for the controlled crying and the fact I am allowing him to get all worked up/pant...

Not sure what to do but we need to transition him to the cot more during the day and especially during the night without cheating him through a feed that gets him to sleep initially...

Any suggestions pls?

So which partner are you? Sorry, just a bit confused as firstly you say my wife, then you refer to my husband?

Anyway, IMO you can't really spoil a baby under a year old by tending to their needs, it's just what parents are supposed to do. It sounds like your baby may have an underlying issue, silent reflux would be one example, which could cause constant crying.

As for helping him to sleep, as the controlled crying only seems to be distressing him and not helping at all, it's probably time to try other methods. One which I've found worked with three of my four dcs was a variation of the 'shush pat' method. It took time and perseverance, but worked eventually.

Don't be too hard on yourselves/him, it will come in time.

Thank you for your response.

Lol we wrote it together although husband did the typing and has the main concern.

We doubt he has an underlying issue apart from being used to routines of being feed to sleep and then being placed in the cot.

If I was to put him to sleep in the buggy during the night, he would asleep fine without a comfort feed...

Sorry, just when you said that people comment 'does he always cry like this' etc, I thought of reflux or another problem.

I breastfed all my babies until over a year, and also to sleep (in my own bed), until they hit approx 12mths. I sympathise with struggling to get them to sleep on their own. I was actually advised by my health visitor with my first to do controlled crying, but it was a hellish experience, and if I had read the current research about serotonin levels etc (my eldest is 10), I would never have tried it.

I hope you find something to help, as it can become very restricting. At about 12mths, I also night weaned, at the same time as transitioning them to falling asleep by themselves, which relieved a lot of pressure. Once they could fall asleep at night, day sleeps became less of a battle too.

A very regimented evening routine always helped us, they seemed to learn what was going to happen, and after a couple of weeks of shush pat, and gradually moving further away, resulted in them going to sleep by themselves, with very little crying at all.

Ahhh silly husband and silly me!
That was meant to say Smiling not crying. Apologies, its been a long night for both of us...

Lol, that makes more sense in the context of your post!

He cries all the time?

Have you ruled out medical causes? Tongue tie? Teething?

I wouldn't stress about feeding to sleep. Most important is that he and you get decent sleep. One feed a night is pretty good IMO.

Also you haven't spoiled him by attending to him when he's upset. You've met his needs.

I have a one year old and have similar sleep issues, although dd is generally content in the day, we co sleep and she wakes numerous times in the night for mini bf's.
I drove myself mad trawling the internet looking up solutions I knew in my gut would terrify dd and upset me but I felt I was in a push over clueless minority doing the "spoiling". HV, df and mil all loved to tell me I was creating a rod, being a martyr etc. Anyway I had a moment of clarity and steely resigned myself to wait for her good sleep habits to develop in her own time. Since then I have been much calmer about it and I am seeing small improvements all the time.

Sounds like you've raised a contented & secure child - albeit one with a sleep 'prop'. I'd imagine many one year olds have a similar sleep 'issue' (arguably its only an issue if YOU want to change it).

I'd deal with each issue one by one - it can seem overwhelming if you think of all the things you want to change. For exam

...ple, you have (from what I can work out from your op): weaning, self settling, naps in day. If it were me I'd tackle each separately (though each will impact on the other).

Tackling similar issues with our youngest we altered naps first (two naps at 15 months) to make sure he wasn't so shattered by bedtime that he'd fall asleep with milk. This made him far more chilled at bedtime & i was able to feed & then put him in his cot awake (but sleepy). Then a gradual retreat - hand on back 'shush pat' for first 3 nights, then seated in room but not touching, then leaving the room. This took around a week - worked brilliantly except when he's not tired enough (late nap in car usually the prob).

Does that help a bit? We avoided controlled crying completely - my preference & sod all to do with 'spoiling' or not being strong enough.

Do it soon - we didn't with eldest boy & still wait for him to sleep before leaving the room (he's almost 3).

I did it first at 6 months, but did it also when he was older of his sleep pattern lapsed.

By the way, our (now) 17 month old still naps in buggy. I quite enjoy our regular walks & eldest gets to go to park once his brother is asleep.

Tiddlypom's way would be far better.

I used to worry so much about bad habits, worry they'd never learn to self settle and really looking back it was silly. They're so tiny still. Both mine now sleep in their own beds and everything is fine. You can't spoil a baby. I wouldn't carry on doing CC. Not unless you're unprepared to stick at it consistently to the end result. Otherwise it's not fair on him to keep putting him through this, stopping, going back to his usual soothing bedtime and then doing CC again.

My son was a fussy baby, DD wasn't but both got there in the end. Yours will to but I wouldn't tie yourself up in knots about this. Is there an urgency to changing his self settling routine? He sounds like he sleeps well if he only wakes once for a feed.

I read Marc Weissbluth's book which I found helpful at the time. You may too?

Thank you all for the replies and suggestions.

The urgency is down to two real areas - 1. I am pregnant so ideally want to him to self sooth by the next one.

1. My husband is not good at waking up and so far there hasn't been a need for him as when DS wakes it's for a feed only...

When are they due?

There should be plenty of time to slowly adjust them without CC. Even to his Dad settling him, as he'd have to do that when the next was born I suspect anyway. Is he 12 months?