Why does my 5 month old cry so much at bed and nap times?

[Rachel153]

Can anyone tell me why my 5 month old hates going to bed? I have tried SO many things to get her to go to sleep in her cot but every night and every nap time she just screams and screams.
Some people will suggest the cry it out method but having tried this I really do not think it suits my daughter's temperament. I've also tried shhh patting, singing, pick up out down but none of that works. She doesn't always fall asleep when I feed her and I've tried cuddling and rocking but I don't think that's helpful to her either because she won't switch off-I feel it's more a distraction to her.

Can anyone out there tell me they had the same prob and it got better of its own accord or by some method?! I'm getting quite down about it not to mention exhausted as this happens everytime she needs to go to sleep

Hi Rachel, do you have a routine at nap and bed times. Ie the same song or rhyme? Is the room dark and quiet? Does it help if you just stand or kneel by the cot without too much fussing? My DD, now 6 months, also cries at sleep times but it's getting better - although still a bit unpredictable. I have to make a judgement every sleep time about how much help she needs to get to sleep. If she's just fussing I tend to leave her to it or just sit quietly on the bed as I think she falls asleep more quickly that way. If she's really crying I sit by the cot and just lay a hand on her. I find that she's too easily stimulated so if I pick her up, pat her etc it doesn't tend to help.

Over tired?? With mine I always found the earlier I put her down the better. Over tired ness is a killer. I would often just go for a 630 bedtime if she was looking tired....
And don't do cry it out! Miserable for all concerned and some experts reckon potentially harmful. Good luck

I'd agree with over tiredness. You could try putting her to bed earlier and make sure there is a calm routine.

Thank you! I agree my daughter also finds the smallest of things stimulating so I was thinking the whole rocking her to sleep thing unhelpful.
We have blackout linings on the curtains but the room isn't pitch dark. There is a night light plugged in (more for my benefit so I don't have to put lights on when I feed her in the night)-perhaps I should turn it off?
We have a bedtime routine of bath, dry her in bedroom, sing a couple of nursery rhymes, feed then into bed as soon as we think we might have got all wind up. We were doing a story but found it too stimulating for her!
Nap times I try to do nappy change, couple of nursery rhymes, little cuddle then into bed.
I have been leaving the room immediately if she is quiet and only going back in when the crying starts (after a lot of whinging).
Never mind about self settling, she can't even settled when aided, she just conks out from exhaustion.

Would love to hear your comments! Thanks

Sometimes with DS I'd hold him fairly tight so that he couldn't move in my arms, so that he had less stimulation, but he was a crier too. We always had up to 5 min of crying before bed every night. I'd go to him every minute.
He's a great sleeper now at 9. Go figure.

Hmm, how long does she usually cry for?

Here's some ideas that might be ok or might be overly stimulating:

Pottering in the bedroom saying sssh occasionally so she knows she's not been 'left'

Leaving to cry for a couple of minutes, going in and saying sssh, stroking or patting and leaving again, popping back in every couple of minutes

Sitting by cot, gently stroking if not too stimulating.

All the studies indicate that any method will work as long as you are consistent, and controlled crying doesn't have a long term negative effect.

Personally for my nearly 5mo I leave her to cry and pop in to pat and sush every couple of minutes, picking up and cuddling if she gets really bad. I do watch how long she has been awake for quite carefully as she is usually easier to get down if she's not overtired.

I've tried stroking but I don't think she likes being touched like that when tired/trying to go to sleep because she hits and pulls at my hands.
She'll cry for as long as I don't pick her up-30 mins? I've never left her that long on her own, I was in the room trying to settle in cot, stopped crying if I picked up but started again as soon as she was being put back.
Most the time I've tried staying in the room doing shhh patting but it's not been successful.

When you say you pop in to pat, pick up if bad do you leave even if she's not stopped making a lot of noise or crying? Or do you wait until she's gone quiet before leaving again? If the latter, my daughter doesn't stop making noise therefore I can't leave.

Her cues are also v confusing-as an example she will shove fingers in her mouth and cry when she's teething, has wind or is v tired!

Interestingly during the night she self settles. Last night for instance it was awful trying to get her to sleep in the evening but I heard her whinging in the night. I didn't go into her and after a few mins she went quiet and slept another few hours! No crying or insessant whinging, just what I'd call the beginning stages of whinging.

We try to put her to bed at the same time each evening and even brought it earlier for a little while but that didn't work. It doesn't help when she naps late. Yesterday she took so long about going down that she didn't fall asleep til 430pm and I had to wake her at 530pm as we needed to get home and cook. She played happily for a good while but then was later to bed-maybe I missed her tired signs because I thought she wouldn't be tired by the normal time?

My 3 all found the transition into sleep very hard as babies. It feels like a fear of missing something combined with tiredness and just not knowing what to do with themselves. I dont have any tips as we have never found a solution except accepting they need to cry to sleep. It seems to stop well before a year as they learn themselves how to manage the change.

Thanks biscuitsandbandages this sounds v much like my daughter. I'm starting to think it's just one of her downfalls and she'll learn it in her own time. Upsetting when there's nothing you can do to ease things for them.

They would do it even in my arms. Fed changed comfortable and starting to drift off then angry crying. I held them a lot figuring at least I was there though I couldnt help them figure it out.