Can't take this anymore - I feel like my 5 month old will break me.

[Elednor]

I'll try to keep it brief - my 5 month old has a REALLY hard time sleeping in the day. Originally she would only sleep on our chests, then she got to 14 weeks and decided she didn't like that anymore.

She'll sleep in the pram for 20 minutes - after 2 hours of walking. Same with the baby carrier. She won't nap on my chest, but will DH's, although she'll cry from anywhere from 5 minutes to half an hour. She has just started taking a few of her naps in her cot, but it takes a lot of work and effort. She won't co-sleep, if you leave her alone she will just roll around and play for ages until she starts whinging.

Today DH went back to work. He hasn't worked since the birth of DD2 as we both had issues after the birth, but we are now well enough and this is the first day I have had both DD's from 9-5.

It's been awful.

Both DD's up at 6am. Fed them and tried to get DD to nap at 7.30. I spent three hours trying to get her to sleep. She then slept for an hour (this is amazing, she normally sleeps for 20-30 minutes a time), had a bottle and a play, I put her back down and she went to sleep for 30 minutes.

Then next naptime, I spent 3 hours trying to settle her, I rocked her, put her on my chest, left her alone, I took her for a walk in the pram. She finally passed out from exhaustion and slept for 25 minutes.

I am at the end of my tether. I shouted and cried today. We have had such a bad time of it since she was born. She is such a lovely baby otherwise, so funny and sweet, but the feelings of resentment are creeping in - we haven't had a family day out since she was born and we've cancelled our holiday in October as we just can't see it getting better. Eldest DD hardly got any attention today and the house is a state.

I know none of this is her fault. I also know I have a harder time because she is used to DH getting her to sleep as I had to rest for weeks after delivery and after that it was easier for Dh to get her to sleep. I just don't know what I can do to fix it? I realise my sleep problems are minor in comparison to a lot of others, I'm ashamed to say that I'm not coping though

She hates it if you try and feed her too often, we had to feed every three hours before due to her weight loss and she would scream and splutter milk, she definitely prefers a four hour gap whereas my eldest drunk about an oz every hour or so due to her reflux.

I guess I'm just getting a bit confused as all the websites say that 5 month old babies usually can't stay up longer than an hour when they first wake up, and that they shouldn't be up longer than 2.15 hours throughout the day or so otherwise they will get tired and hard to settle. I'm also looking for the sleep cues such as staring, rubbing eyes, yawning etc but she seems to yawn even after being up for 5 minutes It's so sodding confusing! Should she be staying up longer then?

With eldest DD I followed my instincts and she didn't nap at all during the day and screamed for hours on end, finally passed out about 1am or 2am with neighbours banging on the wall and I felt suicidal. If I seem wound up it's because I am really anxious about that not happening again and I don't want to bugger it up

Thanks everyone, it's really nice to be able to talk about this as we don't really have any practical support IRL

What formula is she on? Ds was on nutramigin and had trouble with constipation (which can be a sign that they are intolerant to the hydrolysed proteins). He was switched to neocate where the proteins are broken down fully. He started sleeping much better once he was changed to neocate, and the constipation stopped.

At 5 months he could only tolerate a 90 minute wake time first thing in the morning, and definitely wouldn't have gone asleep on the play mat if I just left him!

Cross-posted there! She's under paediatric care at the hospital for her other issues but with the constipation they just keep upping her her dosage of lactulose which comes with added side effects and eventually her constipation returns :/

She has a dummy but she constantly pulls it out and then cries, arghhhhhh!

Seems like I should try letting her stay up longer, and then maybe she could sleep for a longer nap which would help. We're putting her in her cot for a nap so much as she startles awake after 20-30 minutes and she's still tired when she wakes up!

She's on Nutramigen AA, it's made a massive difference so she's now gaining weight, stopped screaming at every bottle, no more rashes etc and she is managing to poo at least every other day but it's very firm every time! On days where it's particularly bad she doesn't drink very much which makes the problem worse. Our paediatrician isn't concerned about her constipation though and says it can be quite normal, I was hoping it would be gone entirely with her formula switch!

She sounds very very like my ds1 at that age. It all suddenly changed for the better when I weaned him - in hindsight i don't know whether that was because he had a touch of undiagnosed reflux and weaning helped or because I started putting him down for a sleep straight after lunch when he had a nice full tummy. (Prior to that I was avoiding it as I'd been brainwashed by stupid baby books) he suddenly started having 1.5 hour naps as opposed to 20-30mins.

Can you feed her to sleep? I just wonder if that might help?

The other thing that worked for me was pick up put down or pat/shush. You have to be pretty determined to make it work though. Maybe one to start when you have dh at home for backup?

I so sympathise - it's so hard dealing with a baby like this. Hang on in there, it will get better. (Also first day on your own is always awful, that is one of the laws of the universe - that'll get better too)

I would definitely leave her a bit longer before her morning nap. I

I must admit with DD2 we didn't ever get into a strict routine with daytime naps. We were often out and about and so she would often sleep in the car and the buggy. She was sleeping well at night and so I didn't stress too much.

Does your DD sleep in the car?

The hospital said that weaning would help with her reflux and have said to start as soon as we want, but only one food every few days in case of an allergic reaction and we have to keep a symptoms log etc so I kinda wanted to try and crack the sleeping first iykwim?

She used to feed to sleep but has totally lost that now sadly!

Pupd etc we tried but if anything it made her angrier! She seems to actively want to fall asleep on her own but doesn't know how, which is why we're encouraging sleeping on her own

How long has she been on the new formula? Sometimes it just takes a bit of time for their tummies to heal up. Ds also has very few tired signs...I generally tend to clock watch with him. Hope things improve soon, naps are so frustrating!

I'm actually concerned that she may become more constipated when on solids as her fluid intake will go down! I have a 'traffic light list' of foods for DD to try (red foods are high risk food for allergies, amber is moderate etc) but I think apricot and the high-fibre things aren't in green! Will have to dig it out and check!

Unfortunately we don't have a car, which is just as well as I'm sure I would have run up a massive petrol bill trying to get her to sleep

I will show DH the thread later and your suggestions, they have all been brilliant, thank you so much

Apologies if you've tried it, but baby massage can work wonders with constipation

My sympathy and empathy. DD2 didn't "do" naps (or sleeping through the night for three fucking years). She does now

She's been on it for about 10 weeks now

We do give her a massage with lotion every night but probably not doing it properly!

Eldest also didn't do naps or sleeping until just before she started school - I was a wreck!

It is hideous when they are like this, isn't it?
For the constipation, as well as massaging her tummy, you can bicycle her legs. That should help her to poo but it won't in itself by enough. If you do do it, make sure you have at least a nappy under her bottom to catch anything which comes out (for some reason, this didn't occur to us...).
As for getting her into a routine, I think you're just going to have to say "f* that" and see what happens. Your older DD must be on holiday now and, even if you have a good size garden, will get frustrated if she is stuck at home with a screaming baby and a mother who wants to tear her hair out. You may need to develop a thick skin as you may get some looks (I did when out with a screaming DC2) but at least you will be getting a change of scene and enjoying doing something with DC1 - and DC2 may even be distracted enough to either shut up or fall asleep. I didn't care what the result was as long as they weren't actually crying! I did have some tuts and comments of "a baby wouldn't cry like that if it was at home" or similar which I either ignore or said something like "it does. At least here I am getting some exercise/getting some chores done/having some fun with DC1". DC2 also had reflux so I moved him out of the carrycot bit of the pushchair much earlier than I should have done as he just couldn't bear being in it & just had him in the car seat attached to the wheels (not sure if you'll have that option if you don't have a car) or in a lie flat pushchair but not in the completely flat position.
It will get better.
Writing this has made me realise that I really don't want DC3 as I'm not sure I could actually get through it again!

Haven't read all the posts because I have the attention span of a gnat but I did see mention of a swing. I don't have one but I did read this blog post about them which might be of use to you if you do decide to give one a try and are worried she'll end up having to sleep in a mechanised hammock for the rest of her life.
See item 1 "Use the Baby Swing"
www.troublesometots.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-sleeping-through-the-night-part-2/

We are the same, we have said no DC3 because we just can't do this again I keep feeling like I'm failing her and I didn't want to be selfish and drag her round after me crying... but equally she isn't happy at home so I have to try. We have the pram slightly upright which has helped a lot, but she isn't ready to have it fully propped yet.

Thanks for the link, really helpful! Will try the swing again tomorrow.

Do you have a doorway bouncer? during her awake alert times she may like being totally upright and the bouncing may wear her out.

I do! I shall try that. What sort of other activities are appropriate for 5 month olds? I thought at this age it was still all about them rolling around and grabbing and chewing!

Sorry if this is a really obvious question but is the cot a bit elevated too?

We did initially have it angled upwards but her reflux has cleared up now so it is back to being flat! She's happy to lie on her playgym or bed for hours so I know that her the flatness doesn't bother her anymore

for you, that sounds awful Is there anything medical going on in the background that's contributing?

What position is she sleeping in? DS only started sleeping longer when I started putting him on his side to sleep.