will i ever leave the house... and other problems

[farahsmum]

hi am new to this so forgive me if these are common problems and old news....

i have a lovely "spirited" according to BW DD 14 weeks.

the good news is she sleeps really well at night - 10-12hrs from 7pm ish.

my problems are several... she's only awake for about 1hr 1/4 brfore she is tired, then in a flash overtired and very difficult to settle. I'm shh patting while holding her, then putting down, leaving if fretting (shhing from behind the door) but picking up again if crying - does that sound alright? I'm worried she can't see me but i thought if she can still hear the shhing she won't think i've gone completely - let me know if you don't think this is ok, i'm a bit confused.

As she's not awake long enough, i can't go anywhere as she can't sleep out anymore - too much going on and she can't switch off, so pretty housebound (although she's happier like this i think)

are there ways to keep her up longer, or do i have to wait for her to do this herself? would longer naps or shorter naps help? - i don't want to mess up her nights so try not to let her sleep more than 4ish hrs during the day if she's had 11 or 12 at night, but very ad hoc how whe gets these... today lots of short naps as she woke at 5 30am which messed up the whole day for her.

I've heard you should limit an early am feed so they're still hungry and will wake for 7am or whenever you want to make morning - i find this impossible as am bf - any tips? without limiting it she goes straight back to sleep and will if left sleep till 9am, but if i wake her she won't be that hungry and then all her feeds for the day are funny which also seems to mess up her naps...

there's more i think but have to go as she's calling, any help much appreciated

Oh god, just sleep with her and bf her when she wants. You can get her to sleep by either bfing her in bed and then sneaking off, or by pushing her in a pram. She'll shout for 15 minutes and it'll be dreadful and then she'll sleep beautifully and you can go do things.

It's such a hassle trying to shoehorn a tiny baby into a routine, they're growing so fast, and changing so fast, that by the time you get them into some sort of routine they're ready to drop a nap or something and you start all over again.

IME, before six months, at which point you can try for two big naps per day, it's just not worth bothering, just take each day as it comes.

I wouldn't bother trying to limit your early am feed. If you're breastfeeding just breastfeed on demand

Why can't you go anywhere? What happens?

Hmm, that came out more dismissive than I meant, I'm sure I did all the same stuff with my first baby, but it's just so stressful and such a waste of energy ...

sorry, i imagine i sound incredibly neurotic and will hopefully chill out before she gets too old....

i'm trying not to get too hung up on routine but i was trying to have a reasonably set morning time (anything between 6am and 8am) and a reasonably set nighttime (7pm to 8pm)- it's a bit of a free-for-all in between in that i'm more trying to notice her patterns hence how i see she gets tired after not very long awake. if we're out and this happens i can't get her to sleep by pushing her around - this used to work but not now - even with somthing over the top of the cot to block out light etc, nor does holding her outside work or any of the other ways i used to get her to sleep - like bf (if she's overtired she'll just scream more in a way that says "that's not what I want!"). she really needs her own room, her growbag, her lullaby music and her cot (I wondered if because she's able to wriggle and move about more that she prefers the space of the cot rather than being restricted by the smaller carry cot or car seat?), i can get her calm in her room by holding her as i said in previous post - it just means i can't go anywhere else without her being very unhappy and overtired. she's too heavy for her carrier now which was the other tried and tested way of her sleeping out.

she's always been incredibly alert - since day 1 - taking in as much as she can - and i think this is why she has trouble dropping off when there's so much to see and hear outside.

i won't bother doing anything differnt with her feeding in the early am, and i guess if she sleeps till she wants to wake up at least she'll be hungry and feed well at that point.

if i get her to sleep in her carrycot or car seat at home, then go out with her, she wakes when she gets into her light sleep and is really upset as she's still tired, except we're then out and she can't sleep when out as i've said

at home, she sleeps reasonably well during day providing i notice her cues and brilliantly at night, so have not needed to co-sleep since she was about 4-5 weeks until then she was very clear that she would only sleep on my or DH chest - we'd take it in turns...

You don't sound neurotic just normal
It's all a learning curve and all babies are different

My LO (now 18mths) only followed a day routine at about 12 months - prior to that naps were totally hit and miss

thanks for that, i guess it's just upsetting to see her upset because she's tired when i know that if i'd stayed at home she would already be getting calm before a nap - maternal guilt.... but i can't stay in all day every day.... i guess there's just no way of knowing when she'll be able to manage a longer time awake so i'll have to keep in mind the longer term perspective... when did yours start being awake for longer between naps?

There are lots of carriers suitable for bigger babies, mine would only fall asleep in the house on in her sling, pushchairs etc just lead to eyes popping with tiredness but unable to switch off. Lots of threads with sling suggestions have a look or shout for tips!

I would say Go with the flow for most days for now I would think, they change all the time and you are making life harder for yourself by trying.
with a better carrier for the days when you do want to /have to go out.

thanks mrsapron, i'll look at the slings as you suggest, may get back to you depending on how my back holds out!!