Do I need to sleep train my baby to get her to self settle or...

[Sunshine200]

Do I need to train my baby to self settle or is there any chance she will just 'get it' on her own one day. She is 8.5 months old at the moment.

I have got her into the habit of breast feeding to sleep, and she will only nap in pushchair/ car. Never have I read anywhere that they will eventually get there on there own. Any chance? I half sleep trained once (got to patting & shushing) but after an illness it slipped back and she seems to have got even more stubborn since - don't know if I can cope with it.

I can cope with the night time wakings, I just want her to settle on her own. We have a good bedtime routine.

They will get there but it may take time. Check out the Wait It Out website.

Have. You read No cry Sleep solutions?

Thanks, I'll try that website.

No, I haven't read the 'no cry sleep Solutions'. Do you have to stay in the room with them for that? She will cry even if I'm in the room, and I can't stay in there for ages as I have a toddler to get to bed too. Maybe I'll hunt it down and take a look.

They can certainly "get it" on their own. DS has, twice (he stopped and started again after a few months, then stopped again).

We went from feeding to sleep to feeding, unlatching and turning around to sleep. Then he started being awake properly after feeds and I'd lie next to him till he fell asleep. Now I mostly leave the room to let him fall asleep by himself. Sometimes he'll ask me to stay and I generally will.

The "no cry sleep solutions" book is brilliant. It saved my sanity with DS1, and I applied the techniques with DS2 from the day he was born. He was a BRILLIANT sleeper and always self-settled.

I don't think they ever "get it" on their own, unless you're very ruthless and just leave them to cry (which does work, but is very stressful). You need to try something, a small step, every night. When that starts to take effect, try the next step. And so on, and so on, until eventually they'll self-settle and stay asleep the whole night.

For example, if she can only sleep being held/cuddled, cuddle her, but when she's on the verge of falling asleep place her down. If she cries/fusses, pick her up again, cuddle her and calm her, then once again, when she starts to close her eyes and look sleepy, put her down. Eventually, she'll be so tired, and confident that you're not going to leave her, but she'll just go to sleep without crying/fussing. The next night, you'll probably find it takes less attempts before you can just place her down wide awake and she's happy, for example, to just hold your hand rather than be cuddled. Then, gradually, night after night, withdraw your hand sooner.

Yep they can get it without having to cry it out. My DD has had phases of self settling but by 12 months was very strongly in the habit of feeding to sleep (bottle). Cuddling, patting, shhing didn't work, she just wanted her milk .

With advice from a sleep consultant we revised altogether her bedtime routine. We had got into the habit of just popping her in her cot with her bottle to wind herself down (after tea, bath, playtime) and were told we needed to wind her down fully before bedtime. We have 2 other children so this was often pretty hectic. So we started keeping her as still as poss from 4pm, then after tea take her for some quiet time, just DH or I and well away from older 2 DC, - including a shower, which keeps her stiller and calmer than a bath (bath is just an opportunity for her to play!!) then lullabies on the Ipad, bottle on my lap then into cot before sleep. After a few nights she has easily got the message of needing to self-settle. She even self-settles at naptime now too - hooray!

I was just coming on here to post almost exactly the same question. DS2 is 10 months this week and doesn't self settle. I am back to work tomorrow and obviously kicking myself that I haven't sorted this out sooner, but it's just been easier to feed him to sleep until now (I've been secretly hoping that he'd miraculously just 'get it' one day).

But I would like some sort of social life back (I've had 4 evenings out since he was born - all within 10 mins of my house). I can't bear to leave him crying and quite worried I don't have the stamina to do some of the more gentle methods in the middle of the night when I'm knackered - I will probably give up and get the boobs out.

Anyway, if I just work on getting him to self settle at the start of the night do you think that will improve the night wakings?

If I didn't do any sleep training does anyone know how long t might take until he learns to self settle???

Em152 - I have done my "gentle" re-framing of the bedtime routine with DD for about 3-4 weeks now and she is definitely better during the night. Tbh in the night if she wakes and won't settle within five minutes I give her a bottle as I am not up for the gentle methods in the night either (the lack of sleep really builds up I find - after a year of broken nights I simply can't stay awake longer than I have to!!). I also put on her lullabies and give her her special cuddly toy back then she often drinks her milk, and stays awake until she's finished, now putting herself back to sleep afterwards. She is also gradually waking less in the night - I think - it is very gradual

So yes I would recommend working on the self settling at bedtime and naptime then hope that the nights improve.... I also haven't left her to cry when settling, as my sleep consultant recommended this would create a negative association with the cot which can send you backwards in a quest for sleep...!

Mutley- which sleep consultant did you use and how do you teach a baby to self settle without crying? We used Andrea Grace and there was a lot if crying involved! Mind you, DD2 couldn't even be rocked to sleep without becoming really cross just at the point of falling asleep, so I found it really hard to make the NCSS methods work.

Interested to read your bedtime routine too. DD2 is still finding it really hard to fall asleep in the evening and I've been thinking that bath and bed with her sister gets her too razzed up. But I can't work out how I'd put them both to bed separately?

Although - I should say I didn't leave her to cry - stayed with her the whole time.

We used shh-pat at 4 months old but I think it's too stimulating for 8.5 months old.

If you are going to do controlled crying, I would look at doing it now if your LO can't already stand up. It takes a lot longer then and at 8.5 months you're probably only in for 3 or 4 nights of tears.

I do understand that people don't like to do crying techniques but they're so fast that overall, there's a lot less tears and everyone is more rested.

I think it's important to point out the difference between leaving a baby alone indefinitely to cry themselves to sleep, and them crying because you've changed their routine and they quite liked the old one thanks. You can do the 'no-cry' techniques but they might still cry