9wk old sleep, don't know what I'm doing!

[ilovetosleep]

I don't know why I had another DC, the sleep obsession nearly killed me last time!

Am pretty sure that by now DS1 had a 639/7pm bedtime, and one night feed ( before 4 month regression which lasted a year!) with some kind of nap structure although he only napped in pram.

DS2 has a different day every day, I keep trying for a 7 pm bedtime but he can fall asleep anywhere between 7 and 9. Currently feed to sleep upstairs, transfer to basket in lounge where he promptly wakes up and needs feeding or rocking or cuddling back to sleep. Transfer to bedside cot at 10ish, Wakes twice before 7am for feeds.

Day times he can either have a succession of 45 min naps or a couple of epic naps, sometimes up to 5 hours with a wake up in the middle for a big feed ( those days scare me as I worry about becoming nocturnal!)

He doesn't seem capable of staying awake more than 1hr 15 at any time of day and gets really ratty until we cuddle or walk him to sleep. I think most babies can stay awake longer than that by now? How can I change this?

How do implement some kind of routine? I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, I'm totally winging it and it feels wrong to be so out of control. I was so hung up on sleep last time and had hideous pnd as a result, I promised myself I'd be more relaxed this time but I just can't and need some kind of structure.

Also beginning to feel anxious that he won't settle himself although I know it's bonkers I expect that at 9weeks. I just get all panicky st the prospect of another sleep deprived year

Oh and one more thing, he seems dreadfully overtired at bedtime feed, screams at breast and refuses to feed, then wakes an hour later. It's horrible I feel like I'm trying to force feed him, he is hungry for it but too tired to latch on.

I guess I should keep a log of sleep feed awake times to help make sense of it? Or should I try following a book routine or some thing. Tell me what to do! Feel so lost. Thanks

I'm certainly no expert with just a 14wo myself but here are my thoughts:

1:15 for staying awake is plenty. My LO is 14wks and can only manage 1:30 tops. I'm sure at 9wks it was nearer an hour.

I'd suggest trying to wind down for naps after being awake for 50mins with the aim of putting down for a nap just before an hour, see the link for average sleep times www.mybabysleepguide.com/2013/02/average-sleep-charts-by-age.html

We still don't have much of a nap routine for our lo, although she is more consistent with a longer first nap (still can't last longer than an hour before I have to put her down), I just make sure I watch the clock.

Are you waking him at the same time every morning and treating the time before as night still?

How long has LO been awake by the time you put him down for bed? You are aiming for probably not more than 1:15.

Do you have a bedtime routine to distinguish from day naps?

I didn't mean to start this thread twice, whoops!

I have realised 1hr 15 awake is more than enough for DS despite what the books say! I'm not waking him in the morning because frankly after a very wakeful night, I intend to be asleep until he wakes! So I treat any waking before 7am as a night waking but because he usually wakes around 530-6, we are still asleep until 8am (if DH has got up with DC1!)

lso I think you are right about the awake time before bedtime, it's so hard to get him to nap around 530pm as I'm doing older DC's dinner etc and we're just winding down after a day out and about but I do think that would help. Need to find a way of getting that sleep in.

Bedtime routine is bath with DS1 at 630, then up to my bed for feed to sleep. We then transfer him to basket in the lounge where he wakes and I resettle which can take up until 8.30pm. Still don't feel ready to put him down in our room with monitor (2 flights upstairs) so I think that transfer is a bit disruptive but not sure what else to do. I do the bedtime feed in our room as ulitmately that is where he will be going to bed and he's used that that environemnt in the moddle of the night.

I'll keep winging it I guess until a pattern emerges...