9wk old sleep, don't know what I'm doing!

[ilovetosleep]

I don't know why I had another DC, the sleep obsession nearly killed me last time!

Am pretty sure that by now DS1 had a 639/7pm bedtime, and one night feed ( before 4 month regression which lasted a year!) with some kind of nap structure although he only napped in pram.

DS2 has a different day every day, I keep trying for a 7 pm bedtime but he can fall asleep anywhere between 7 and 9. Currently feed to sleep upstairs, transfer to basket in lounge where he promptly wakes up and needs feeding or rocking or cuddling back to sleep. Transfer to bedside cot at 10ish, Wakes twice before 7am for feeds.

Day times he can either have a succession of 45 min naps or a couple of epic naps, sometimes up to 5 hours with a wake up in the middle for a big feed ( those days scare me as I worry about becoming nocturnal!)

He doesn't seem capable of staying awake more than 1hr 15 at any time of day and gets really ratty until we cuddle or walk him to sleep. I think most babies can stay awake longer than that by now? How can I change this?

How do implement some kind of routine? I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, I'm totally winging it and it feels wrong to be so out of control. I was so hung up on sleep last time and had hideous pnd as a result, I promised myself I'd be more relaxed this time but I just can't and need some kind of structure.

Also beginning to feel anxious that he won't settle himself although I know it's bonkers I expect that at 9weeks. I just get all panicky st the prospect of another sleep deprived year

Oh and one more thing, he seems dreadfully overtired at bedtime feed, screams at breast and refuses to feed, then wakes an hour later. It's horrible I feel like I'm trying to force feed him, he is hungry for it but too tired to latch on.

I guess I should keep a log of sleep feed awake times to help make sense of it? Or should I try following a book routine or some thing. Tell me what to do! Feel so lost. Thanks

1hr 15 seems about right for a 9wk old to stay awake at a time.

Sorry posted to soon. Maybe more daytime sleep is needed?

How much should he have? I reckon he has between 2.5-5 hours, different each day..

My baby born 14 April goes has feed at 7 then is a bit of a pain on and off and usually goes down at 9, another feed at 1030 then sleeps til 6 now then 8.

I am doing gina ford 8-8 so now 8wk max 3.5hr sleep a day, 10-1045 and 12-230 and 30 at 430pm. Feeds 8/11/2/5/645/1030. But as I said is snuff lying around feeding /holding between 7-9pm often not perfect yet!!

She is ebf but did gina ford from birth and she only ever had one feed at 4am between 11pm/8pm from day 1.
So could just be she is a good sleeper.

DS has just turned 5 months and can only manage 1h 20-40 awake time before crashing. He has always been a super active baby (currently loving pulling himself up from sitting to standing and bouncing the living shit out of his bouncer) so I figure that the recommended awake time is for "standard" I.e happy to sit still for longer than two minutes, babies.

Naps? Ha! Like your DC, he can go down for 2 x 2h naps a day, or has a succession on 45m cat naps. There is absolutely no consistency from one day to the next and it drives me crazy. I don't change a bloody thing, so why does he keep changing it up??

I will say that the one thing that has worked really well is implementing a night routine from a very early stage (6 weeks). Irrespective of daytime naps, We force a catnap of 30m during 5pm-6pm. This is followed by quiet time (ha!) and a bath at 645. Story, song, rocking (with dummy), followed by bottle and in bed by 715-730. He's seldom asleep, but we just leave him and go back in to put dummy in, shhh him if he gets fussy. Usually asleep no later than 745.

We catch him towards the end of his first sleep cycle by giving him a dreamfeed at 1030-11. Up until about 5 weeks ago, he would wake between 3-4 for a feed, then straight back down til 7. Now he's waking once to check we still exist and can be soothed back to sleep within 5 minutes.

I have tried to force a daytime schedule since day 1 and DS just doesn't respond to it. My advice would be to go with it; you'll drive yourself crazy if you keep battling against the tide. The night time sleep is so much more important-you CAN control that but it took months for us to see the benefits.

Stubborn babies!!!

Just reread your post. If you want a bedtime of 7pm and you want to avoid the overtired scream-a-Thon, then a cat nap between 5-6 should do the trick. No matter what has happened nap-wise during the day, try and force 30-45m of sleep. It won't always be successful but I've found that when DS has this, he's a lot more compliant come bedtime.

Keep a log! I've been doing it with my 6 week old LO for the past few days because I started stressing that we were totally freestyling and I hate chaos and dearly love schedules. I made the mistake (for me personally) of reading posts about Gina Ford and "Eat/Activity/Sleep" and spent a day putting myself under horrible pressure because DD had clearly not read these books!
The log (of feeds/naps/dozes/fusses) has made me realise there is a very loose sort of pattern just beginning to emerge- I can see the times she seems to get sleepier in the day and maybe go for a walk to induce some sleep and pre-empt those cranky wriggle feeds. So much better than trying to force a nap after X amount of activity.
I'm now happier to just keep going with the flow and hopefully allow the pattern to form more over the coming weeks. She's still so little but the log has at least allowed me to see the wood for the trees and realise that she's basically telling me to relax and dump the timetable until she works it out for me in her own good time!

I'm in exactly the same boat! My DS is the same age, and everything you've written describes what he does. I also have an older DC who was sleeping well by this stage, but like you was obsessed with sleep and vowed to be more relaxed this time (I'm not!).

So no advice really, but you're not alone!

Thank you for the replies! Ok so 1hr 15 is good awake time, and I think I would make my life hell if I tried to extend that.

Last night was pretty rubbish. He woke at 12 for a sleepy feed, then again at 230 when he just lay there kicking his legs, completely wired, and eventually I fed him to calm him down but he still didnt go to sleep until I lay with my arm over him for half an hour. then another feed at 6am. Back to sleep til 8am.

Inapickle, we have also been doing a bedtime routine with his older brother at 630 pm and also tried a dream efed but that just caused him to wake for an extra feed for a few days which seemed totally counter productive so we stopped that. Also, in my experience (and that of countless others) night time sleep is most definitely one thing parents cannot control! Believe me I have tried. DC1 took over a year to sleep through the night.

I might try keeping a log, I just never remember to note anything as so busy elsewhere...

And as for 3.5 hrs sleep a day, I think DS would be utterly miserable if he slept that little during the day and I know we all would be too! But maybe when he's a bit bigger...

So I'm still bumbling along not knowing what I'm doing but at least I'm not the only one!