Night weaning a 8.5 month old. Can I, should I?

[afrikat]

So my 8.5 month old isn't the worst sleeper in the world - he can be put down awake and goes to sleep on his own and usually takes 2-3 naps a day with a bit of help. However he has never got close to sleeping a good long stretch - we put him down between 6.30-7.30 and he sometimes wakes around 10, then 1/2, 3/4 then comes in with us or he is awake for the rest of the night. He feeds on at least 2 of his wake ups and I seem to have got in the habit of letting him sip from the boob for the rest of the night after he comes in with us.

I go back to work in 5 weeks and am really going to struggle with so many wake ups and he won't take a bottle so it's only me that can feed him. From the reading I have done I know some people think that babies don't NEED milk in the night at this age but other sources suggest that some babies feed in the night well beyond their first year.

I don't know what to do for the best. I desperately want to get some real rest but not at the expense of my babies health and happiness.

Has anyone successfully managed to get their baby to drop night feeds at this age and how traumatic was it? Letting him CIO or doing cc is not an option for us although I do acknowledge their will be some tears involved

Sorry no help but would be very interested in the answers! Maybe post is breast and bottle feeding as more traffic there?

I dropped night feeds by offering water instead of milk. Only took a couple of nights. Sounds like your baby can self settle so it shouldn't take too long to break the boob habit. If your little one is eating three meals a day and drinking milk during the day they shouldn't need feeding at night. It's just habit/comfort. Good luck.

I night-weaned when my DD was about 8 months after I realised she was not really having any milk at the night feed and was waking at different times each night. She did have a dummy, though, which might make a difference as I would pop the dummy in and just snuggle her close until she went to sleep. It took a few days, but she stopped waking so often and then would only wake if the dummy dropped and it woke her up. I managed to wean the dummy by 10/11 months.

Hi afrikat, we are in a really similar situation. DS is 8.5 months and self-settles beautifully at bedtime but then goes on to feed twice a night - a dream feed at 10 and another at 2ish before waking at 5.30/6am, or if I don't dreamfeed he'll usually wake at 11ish and 3ish. We have been trying to offer water with mixed results.

He has 4/5 milk feeds a day, plus 3 good meals and it's frustrating to think he has milk feeds as frequently at night as he does in the day (every 3/4 hours). I am going to try and get tougher this week and offer some expressed milk in a sippy cup to see if he's really hungry or just wants boob. Generally he will go back to sleep (with some crying) if I run his back and hold his hand, so I'm going to bite the bullet and try maybe one expressed feed in the night and lots of reassurance the rest of the time to see if that helps!!

Will be watching with interest to see what else is suggested and let you know how it goes!
Piz

I have recently night weaned my 7mo who was feeding every 2 hours. I did 4 days of one feed, 3 days of reducing that feed, now no feed. she was fine after the first night and no longer wants milk and sleeps much better. I was surprised how quickly she accepted it.

yes there were some tears but I was right there (doing gradual retreat). It wasn't as much as I'd thought. I offered water but she didn't want it! she now drinks milk better in the day.

I've night weaned my DS when he was 6.5 months. Some would say this is a bit ealry, but he was already dropping a day feed, and most of the time I fed him at night just because I could take him to my bed and feed him and get some sleep myself, as he was waking hourly.

He used to wake up 6 times a night on average (8 on a bad night, but that was not the limit!), and make one 3h stretch if in his bed (could do a couple 3-4h stretches is co-sleeping latched on to my boob). Now for the first time ever he had 5-6h stretches, and 3-4 wake ups, but it's still early days.

I'd say try to settle your LO without feeding and see how it goes. If he does settle I'd say it's just a habit and you can be calm you are doing the right thing.

sorry. pidzets the key is consistency. if you feed after an hour it'd be confusing. it won't take long if you just say no. also for us I think giving up all feeds was important, as again a consistent message. BTW she's not that starving at 7am!

Good advice guys and really useful to hear! He does tend to settle but then will stir again after 15/20 mins whereas if he's fed he'll go another 3 hours. Not sure what that means really? That he's both hungry and sleepy? But he can't be so hungry 3 hours after his last feed. I'm going for a consistent week and planning to ride it out. Urgh! why couldn't I just have bred a sleeper??

I think they are used to a vv full tummy to sleep. and/or have to suck to sleep so when he stirs after 3 hours he thinks he needs milk. my dd was same only more frequent and I cracked!

I'm interested in this thead as my DS is 15 months old and still waking between once and three times a night for feeding - and I know for a fact that it's mostly for comfort rather than needing the milk!

I'm still bf at night so he has a feed before bed and with the odd exception the only way I can settle him during the night is to go in and bf when he wakes up. I've tried offering water and/or a bottle of milk but he's not interested, just pushes it away, sticks his hand down my pyjama top and wriggles around in my arms to try and get at boob milk! As Pizdets says, he will occasionally settle without it but then wakes up quickly afterwards whereas feeding will usually guarantee another 3-4 hours. I think a dummy would really help for the comfort side but he never took to one as a baby despite repeated attempts.

I work full time and going to work after he's woken up 2+ times isn't pleasant. I don't want to give up bf completely but if I could just reduce it to the last feed before bed that would be awesome!

Keepitgoing - what do you mean by gradual retreat? If I try and even move away from the cot before DS is asleep he will start screaming!

hi malteser it may be harder with an older baby. or perhaps easier in a way...
gradual retreat is over the course of weeks. you start off not feeding but comforting any other way, then stop picking up, then stop patting, then move away from cot. a few nights at each stage. there's a v good thread 'what worked for us' which details it. I have found she's not really noticed the gradual withdrawal as I've been going quite slowly. good luck, you must be exhausted. oh, if you have a partner the great thing is he can now help as no night feeds for the first few nights we split the night pre and post 1am (I fed at first wake after 1 for a bit). then as things improved he did the first wake up and me the others. at the weekend he did the whole night - my first night's sleep in months shame I still wake up every 2 hours

oh yes, during the first phase keep your hand on him for 10-20 mins after he's asleep till in a deep sleep. at first if they take ages to settle they might wake soon after as overtired . but that'll pass.

That's all really useful keepitgoing thanks v much for sharing. Not looking forward to the next few nights but hoping they will pay off. And yes, I can't sleep more than 3/4 hours any more either and it sucks!!

Watching with interest - I also have an eight month of baby who self settles happily at bedtime but then wakes up twice during the night, usually around midnight and 4am, and it can take two hours to get him back to sleep.

Thinking of starting a gradual withdrawal program next week - but not sure how I will be able to handle a very angry baby at 1am who just wants to be picked up and hugged...

Well last night went pretty well. He woke twice and I managed to get him off to sleep both times without a feed or picking him up, just held his hand and rubbed his back. Pretty shattered this morning as I was also up at 3 expressing but that's the first time he's ever gone 12 hours without a feed and it was much better than I expected he was hungry but not starving this morning. Now we know he can do it I feel much more motivated to persevere!

My DD did night duty for 5 nights when my DD was a breast snacking addict all night. After those day she slept 8-5pm without waking - was a amazing. Then we stretched it out to 12 hours. miracle. My DD was a little older but I'm had friends do this at about 8-9 months with success older.
Here's my blog post on it if you're interested. mydaughterwontsleep.com/2014/02/06/is-breast-best-when-it-comes-to-sleep-apparently-not/
Then she ate more in the day and self weaned the breast feeds within a few months. Happier all round! Good luck.xx

well done pidzets! how long did it take each time? do you have a partner who can help? why are you expressing, just for comfort? my boobs adapted within two days.

Took about half an hour each time which I think was pretty ok. I left him for a bit then came back if he didn't settle so wasn't hanging over the cot the whole time. DH is wonderful but tends to get v disheartened in the middle of the night, especially with work the next day, so I want to do a few nights on my own to prove it can be done then he can start to pick up and help more! I figure if he gets some sleep this week he can do the night wakings at the weekend when I'm broken.

Yes, just expressed for comfort, I couldn't sleep they were so sore. Hoping mine adjust as quickly as yours as it would be wonderful to actually get some sleep!

The first time DS woke up last nght (around 10.30pm) my DH went in and comforted him until he went back to sleep. Then he woke up at midnight for a feed, 3am for a feed and 4am for a ridiculously long feed (nearly an hour) (after letting him scream for a few minutes to see if he'd settle by himself - he didn't!). And even after all of that when he woke up this morning he was really hungry and immediately wanted more boob which he very rarely has in the mornings now.

Unfortunately DH does not cope well on any kind of sleep deprivation and if you add a screaming toddler into that he really gets stressed so I'm on my own for trying to get this to work (although I do like your strategycarolinementzer)

Pidzets When your DS wakes up, is he lying down in the cot when you go in or sitting up crying? I have the issues that my DS is either sitting up screaming or standing up screaming so I'm not certain that attempting to rub his back or hold his hand would be particularly effective. However, I think I might try it tonight because anything is better than last night :-(

Ouch malteser sounds tough! I'm lucky in that DS is usually lying on his front kicking his feet on the mattress when I go in, although he often starts to sit up when he sees me (in anticipation of playtime and a big meal I expect )

I do find the old backrub and hand hold combo is quite good for encouraging him to stay lying down. I wouldn't force him but a hand on his back when he's thinking about rolling over it will dissuade him.

I have found him standing with a leg stuck through the cot bars a couple of times in the day recently which I've found upsetting, have just ordered some air wrap to try and stop that !

Good luck for tonight. I think you just have to say 'no more ' and stick with it, but I don't feel last night was a big test so we'll see how the next few days go !

gosh it must be harder with a mobile baby! but malteser if he's used to settling with boob it's unlikely he would self settle that's what you're teaching him. you'll have to say no. a 1 hour feed?!?! and he can't have been hungry much in the morning, must have been comfort. at your sh not coping well with sleep deprivation. who does!!

piz that sounds like an OK night! good luck tonight both.

Well last night was encouraging... he moaned for a while at 2am but I didn't go in and he dropped back off after a while.

Naptime settling up the spout today - thought of you malteser when I walked in to see a little red face glowering at me over the top of the cot bars. I could not make him lie down until he was about 90% asleep on my shoulder! Hope your night was better.

I've kind of lost track of how often he's woken up over the last couple of nights but it's been at least 3 times a night. However, what I have also noticed recently is that when he wakes up in the morning he is absolutely ravenous and will wolf down his breakfast (that never used to be the case) so I'm wondering if part of it he is going through a growth spurt and I need to be feeding him more in the evening before bed.

I do know that I need to teach him to self-settle but I find it difficult knowing how long to bf for before putting him in the cot. If I try and "un-latch" him too soon he will just scream the house down (and trust me, I've had that before). If I leave it too late he's already fallen asleep on me and therefore that's not self-settling.

I will pay more attention to the feeding over the next couple of nights and see if I can get the timing right.

Ooh I haven't checked this in a few days and didn't realise I had replies - thanks all. We are currently in USA on holiday so as soon as we get back and over the jet lag I'm going to try and get strong and settle him without the boob. It would be AMAZING to get more than 4 hours sleep at once!