Vicious Circle

[gizmosmama]

Aahhhh I'm so tired!

DS (4mo) is driving me crazy I'm so exhausted. But now I feel like I'm making things worse because I'm so tired I'm bailing.

We have a lovely bedtime routine and he's always sleepy at 7. He goes down easily, fast asleep, I can practically throw him in his cot. Then he stirs every half hour ish (needing just a 2minute rock back to sleep) until about 9-9.30 when he settles properly. Then I go to bed for the best bit of the night. I get about 2 and a half hours unbroken sleep usually!!! Yay!!!
That's when it all begins. Tonight is a typical night. DS woke at 12, took until 1 to get back to bed. Then woke at 2, took until 3 to get back to bed. He's just woken again at 3.30 and I'm tearing my hair out! The trouble is, as soon as I pick him up he goes back to sleep, I mean literally seconds but as soon as I put him down he wakes up. I've tried every technique in the book (apart from leaving him to cry which I'm not up for).
By the middle of the night (this is good for me, I've usually cracked by now), I'm so tired and desperate I just take him to bed with me and sleep upright with him in my arms feeling both unsafe and guilty but deep down relief of finally sleeping. He still wakes frequently but will go straight back to sleep with either a cuddle or a feed or a rock or something equally as frowned upon.
I so desperately want to be strong and persevere through the night but I always break through sheer exhaustion. I thought venting would make me feel better but now I've read back, I just feel pathetic and whingey!

Is this a recent thing? Could it be four month sleep regression? If so, it'll pass ... And he'll learn some amazing new stuff in the meantime.

Hi op, I have no answers but am watching with interest as my son is exactly like this at 14 weeks and I want to wean him off the rocking at some point. (Arm going numb from rocking right now...) He appears fast asleep but then wakes up as soon as he's put down! Frustrating.

Hi AnythingNotEverything
I've read on other sleep posts (during my nighttime awakenings!) about sleep regression and have my fingers crossed that it's that and that this will be a short lived experience, it is just this last week or so (lost track now but certainly recent). Thank you for your positive response!

Hi midnight1983
I feel you! That moment of breath-holding and praying when you touch down before the instant wake-up you knew was coming!

We're currently in a 7/8 month regression so I feel your pain!

Re: transfer - do you wait until you can lift and drop their arm without any resistance before you transfer? That's when you know they're in a really deep sleep.

Agree with pp that it sounds like a sleep regression. It will pass.

But I just wanted to pick up on your point about sleeping upright with him in your arms, feeling guilty and unsafe. If you need to do some partial co-sleeping to get through this phase with your sanity intact then there is lots of guidance to help you to do this safely. It won't necessarily mean that you'll never get him back in his cot or that you'll be stuck doing it forever! It's not for everyone but it sounds like your current arrangement is unsustainable. Good luck, I remember it well. It was like having a newborn again but it did pass.

AnythingNotEverything, yeah I wait for the arm drop stage but he still seems to sense that he's touched the bed! Thanks for the suggestion though. Just out of interest, how long do these sleep regressions usually last?

HamAndPlaques, thank you, I think you're right, co-sleeping might be the only way through this. I'll look today for some info on safe co-sleeping, it scares me a little! I think I'm definitely better just going for it though as my current situation of half doing it is probably the most unsafe thing to do!

Have you tried making sure his bed (cot, whatever) is warm and smells like you before you put him down? A hot water bottle and a muslin I use for feeding spread over the cot seemed to help DD settle at that age.

I didn't want to say this, but DD slept through at 10 weeks (10pm-6am ish), then had a wobble at 4 months with 1-2 night feeds. Then we settled into bed at 8, feed at 11pm and 2am, then up about 7am. Then at 6 months she starting waking every 45 minutes from bedtime at 8pm until midnight with at least one more feed overnight. She'd wake screaming only to be settled by a cuddle a couple of times too. Now at nearly 8 months she has two bedtime feeds (the second 45 minutes after going to sleep ) and goes down about 8pm, and wakes between 4 and 6am for milk, then sleeps until 8am. This is the best we've had it in months.

I'm not sure where one regression finishes and the next one starts tbh. Easing online suggests between 1 and 6 weeks per regression, but the development at this age is so huge and fast that they just run into each other.

Oh my goodness AnythingNotEverything! Filling me with faith! Although I do appreciate your honesty. I asked a friend yesterday if she went through anything similar with her 1yo and she said 'Oh no, DS was sleeping through from 3mo and has been ever since!' - I'm afraid I find it a little difficult to believe!