Twins - is it normal to get absolutely no sleep at all?

[FindingTwinsHard]

Our twins are 4 weeks old and at night, there is always at least one of them awake - crying or feeding.

I try to feed them together, but it still takes up to 1.5 hours (and they feed every 3 hours), then one or both don't settle until at least the next feed - this goes on all night.

Dh and I take shifts with the babies, alternating after each feed, but as I'm doing the feeds (bf) I don't get much of a break. Even going to bed early with the babies I get maybe 3 hours sleep spread across a 12 hour period.

It's a long, lonely night and I'm really really starting to suffer from lack of sleep. I can't catch up during the day as have other dc.

Is this normal for twins to never sleep at the same time at night?

We were awake almost constantly for a good long while after ours were born. We jus followed their individual rhythms, and they sorted themselves out. Night wakings were not always at the same time, but they often were. Our trick was to feed as soon as they exhibited signs of hunger, not waiting till they were screaming to be fed. They stayed calmer that way. Best of luck. YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU ARE AMAZING.

Thanks unicorn - please tell me 'a good long while' is actually not too long? I can't cope with such little sleep...

YY to the pp - as soon as you hear one stirring get them and feed them, then if the other isn't awake when the first has finished wake them anyway and feed them - if you can keep things calm and avoid full on crying you can get the whole thing done in half an hour - no need for winding etc just up, feed and back to sleep x2. Mine were on every 3 hours for a couple of months iirc but they were prem so you might not have to of it for that long. I don't know if it's standard but I quickly realised I couldn't spend all day and night with a baby attached to my boob so I gave them 10 mins each per feed and it was fine. They were exclusively breast fed til 5 months ish by which point I was really over it and gradually got them onto bottles good luck with it - you are a hero and it will get better but don't be afraid to limit feeding time - it can work and with two you don't have the luxury of letting the babies set the pace x

I would alter what you do. So currently they wake roughly every 3 hours. What I would do is wake them both every 2 hrs and quickly feed ( try to keep them half sleepy). After two nights move to waking every 2 1/2 hrs, then every 3 hrs after few more days. You want to teach them not to wake for food as you will wake them and meet needs to no need to.

I would also feed them both together in the day every 90 mins for week. Then every 2 hrs. More often if they need it

It is normal, but you will survive.

I fed mine separately, and didn't wake to feed. I was so glad when one baby had finished feeding that there was no way I was purposefully waking the other!

We quickly got in to a pattern of feeding every three hours, with each feed taking an hour or so (so two hours total). I would then crash for an hour (or eat and then crash). That pattern lasted until 4 months (sorry!), when they both settled into a pattern of sleeping 7.30pm ish until 12.30am ish. I tried to make sure I went to bed at 7.30pm to make the most of those hours, as after that it was 12.30am ish (times two), 3.30am ish (times two!) and then 5.30am ish, after which I'd sometimes manage to settle again or we'd get up.

You are doing a marvellous job, and it really will get better. The feeds will go from an hour each to 10 mins each, and a few longer gaps will stretch out.

Is there anyone who can help with your older children in the day? There is just enough time in the day to feed twins and get enough sleep to survive, but if you can't sleep when they do then you're really going to struggle. Can they go to nursery for a few hours (preferably with your DH or someone else dropping off in the morning - don't add a nursery run to your list!)?

Good luck, and well done. The benefits are just around the corner (so so much easier to go out/away without bottles and formula) and the timings will improve in a few weeks. Hold on in there!

I have twins, they are 6 now! You should be able to get some sleep now. I am also a neonatal nurse, so made sure I stuck to some rules. I only fed them for max 30 mins (they get tired after that). I demand fed whoever woke up first, the other one got fed at the same time. They shared a cot in our room, they settle well next to another warm body. They did have dummies.

Sorry I really don't agree with artandco, I think that plan would tip me over the edge! I don't think you say how you are feeding? I bottle fed, so husband did one, I did the other. Now beautiful, tall, lean kids with no allergies or fussiness

I'm not sure waking them more often would work - part of the problem at the moment is that one twin in particular falls asleep quickly when feeding, but isn't satisfied if I put them down, so we have a long cycle of feeding a bit, trying to wake him, feeding a bit more, etc. That's why it can take 1.5 hours.

If they ever get badly out of synch and I try to feed one really 'early' to get them feeding together again, the one that's not had a 3 hour gap is too sleepy and doesn't feed well (but also then doesn't settle until they've taken on a decent amount of milk).

Am jealous that you can limit feeds to 10 mins Fox . Mine won't settle after 10 mins - they haven't had enough milk. Maybe they are just slow drinkers, but my other dc always fed for longer than that too.

Happy - 4 months!! Arrgghh!!

I could (almost) cope with the long feeds every 3 hours if I got 1-2 hours in between each one, but when it's my 'shift' I'm up for 4 or more hours straight - feeding, dealing with non-sleeping babies, then the next feed before handing over to dh to settle.

I generally tandem feed - even if one seems to be sound asleep they wake up when the other starts to feed, though the sleepy one doesn't always feed well then.

Looks like I have to grit my teeth and buy some matchsticks for my eyes...

Yes I agree with the other responses that this is normal for twins. Mine are now 8 but I remember this stage (albeit vaguely as spent first 2 months of their lives in zombie state!). They were EBF to 4 months, DH was working away for up to 10 days at a time and DD had just turned 2. Can't think how I survived actually but it does pass.

I waited for one to wake up then fed both (waking the lazier one)- got easier at 3w when I learned how to feed them at the same time. They did take a while to feed compared to my DD, I thought this might be because they were prem but maybe just the way they were?

I basically let everything non essential go so house was a tip, we moved when they were around 6w and still had packing boxes in the new house when they were 6m! Didn't do much cooking, lived on sandwiches and cadburys fruit and nut, no wonder the babies grew so fast.

What also helped was having DD at a childminder 2 mornings a week to give us both a break, and expressing so that when DH was around he could do a late evening feed while I got some sleep. Later on that was the one where we introduced a formula feed.

My DTGs were the same. But had GORD and CMPA as well and I had a toddler (18mo day the twins were born) who had some weird on the clock vomiting every single night for 2 years....started just before DTs were born.....
I have wrinkles and grey hairs

Just re read OP, i see you are breast feeding, I got confused by mention of your partner taking turns. So now with my nurses hat on, have you tried expressing? Just wondering if your milk might just be slow to come down? If it is then your babies will take a long time to feed and be satisfied. If your milk comes down quickly when u express then the babies are probably just comfort sucking after 10 minutes. It is such a short time they are like this, but it is exhausting.

Well done you
An acquaintance bf twins and had an older ds, her hv suggested home start or sure start would help and they did
She's out if their usual demographic but the came twice a week for an hour or so to help with older child and some laundry etc, not loads but defo helped a bit x

Hi ride - the MWs seem to think my letdown is fast (and babies gulp a lot). They aren't satisfied after 10 mins and will cry and chew hands if I put them down so think they are still hungry?

I do express sometimes, though if I sleep through a feed to get some rest, the next night is really bad - not sure if my supply adjusts that quickly in response to missing a feed?

But the thing that's killing me is them not settling between feeds!

My only suggestion then is a dummy. Which some people find so offensive and others swear by.... Im off to do a name change before I get lynched by angry mumsnetters!

In the beginning it is normal to forget what sleep is and to wonder if you made the biggest mistake of your life

Their first week at home after spending 2 weeks in the NICU was hard! My worst nights sleep was just 45 minutes and I started to feel awful. I then decided to get into a routine, a strict one! Do not wake them every 2 hours or you will never get a moments rest! It is hard when you are BF, I FF from 6 weeks. I kept them on a 3 hour feeding schedule and woke them at 7am every morning for their first feed no matter how diabolical the night before was. It is extremely difficult to drag yourself out of bed at 7am when all you want to do is sleep and your babies are fast asleep too but to keep the day on track it is important that the first feed of the day starts at 7am. I did night feeds on my own from 4 weeks and I found it hard going but it does eventually get easier as you get into the swing of things.

Mine are now 20 months and trust me, nothing is as hard as those early days. I used to envy mothers who could lie in bed with one baby breastfeeding and cuddling them, it is impossible to have the same chilled out bond when you have two newborns.

Thanks everyone - it seems the concensus is that sleep is impossible! For a while anyway. Maybe just knowing that will make it easier tonight...

never I've been thinking about starting a routine so that at least the feed times are consistent. I haven't worked out what will work for us though as I need some 'free' time each end of the day for my bigger kids too. Need to work that out, any suggestions welcome!

I'm also ticking off each day I manage to bf - keep telling myself I'm nearly at 6 weeks (although I'm not really!) - my first big target to achieve!

I remember my sister saying that there was a period of time when she got no longer than 20 mins sleep in any one stretch. She nearly had a breakdown, so you are doing REALLY WELL!!!
Her boys are now in their 20s, and are 2 of the nicest, well-adjusted lovely, lovely young men you could wish to meet. So there's hope.
Stay strong.

Hang in there. I found just rolling with was the only way to go. And waking them during the day so they fed at least every three hours (and making sure that meant they were on the boob at the stroke of three hours, not waking them then changing nappy, outfit, having a snack and then sitting down to feed which with twins could take up to 30 mins!). Soooo tempting to collapse on the sofa in the daytime but I found it was just more painful at night if they were down a feed.

I never bothered waking the other one at night. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. If you can do as many feeds lying down as possible, then that helps. There are ways of feeding both lying down but I never managed it. Might be worth a google if you are feeling adventurous!!

Also in the daytime when I was on my own, i often just let them sleep on top on me on the feeding pillow (for at least one nap a day). It meant that I sat down for that time rather than risking waking DTS (who was a sleep,refuser) and then having to jig him about for hours on end/til then next feed.

rideyourbike I am trying a dummy, sometimes it helps, sometimes not.

Hope no one berates you for the suggestion - I've concluded that you do absolutely anything to cope with twins!

Thanks for all the suggestions and replies. No doubt I'll be on here whining again tonight!

Ah yes, as a fellow twin mum, I know you will try anything. Good luck and enjoy your babies x

I feel your pain! I ebf my DTs (who are now 4 1/2). One was a good feeder - he was the one who woke every 2 1/2 hrs ish. The other would have slept for 4-5 hours but was slow to gain so I used to wake him and feed them both together. It took about an hour for the feed and to change them and get them back down (they did settle OK as I recall) and then 2 hrs later I would start again.

I felt like I was dying for about 4 months, then it got easier, I think. Hang in there. What saved me was DH taking them out for an hour and a half in the early evening so I could get some sleep then.

Hi
Iv got twin boys who feed every three hours, even during the night.. they both dont drink more then 3oz, 4 if wer lucky..
Wen are they gona start sleeping thru the night?
They dont wake up together for feed so it feels like im feeding, burbing n putting them to sleep all night.. plz help any suggestions.

@Raisha01 how old are they? All children start sleeping through the night at different times. My 19 month old has just started sleeping through, but some do at 8 weeks - it all depends.

They are 4months old.. wer born at 36 weeks..omg i havnt had more then 2-3 hours of sleep since they been born😱
I just want someone to tell me they will sleep thru eventually..lol