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Sleep

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Original poster

DD1 4yo not settling to go to sleep

18 replies

UptobedNOW · 20/05/2014 21:08

Any ideas very gratefully received, we are at the end of our tether.
DD1 has become a nightmare at bedtime, she has her stories downstairs with DP whilst I take DD2 to bed and read her stories and settle her down. DP then comes up with DD1 to settle her in bed. After kisses cuddles and sitting with her for a few minutes, DP tells her he is going downstairs but will be back up in a little while. This is when the problems start, she wants a few more minutes, or another cuddle etc. DP, gives another cuddle but this is then not enough, if he leaves the bedroom she kicks off screaming. After calming her down he can usually leave but then she will call out every few minutes with excuses for him or me to go in. If we don't she has a massive tantrum. We can't leave her for a bit as she is keeping DD2 awake and I can't leave her as she will keep getting up (she is 2).

We bought her a CD player and a children's meditation CD to try and help her relax and focus on being calm. We have done a monster spray as she said she was scared of monsters, I think this was an excuse for us to stay though. We are out of ideas, she is still awake now but calmer, we haven't even eaten yet.

TIA

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Atbeckandcall · 20/05/2014 22:02

Hello, didn't want to read and run. I feel your frustration, we had 2.5 years of our dd being a PITA at bedtime.

I'd suggest talking to her at breakfast about exactly what's going to happen after dinner time. Tell her how many stories to expect, who will do her bath, who will read x amount of stories, then who will take her to bed. How many kisses and cuddles she will get and how you/dp will then say goodnight shut the door/leave it a bit open and you will see her in the morning. If she is a good girl and stays in her bed with no fuss she can have a chocolate button in the morning.

Bribery and corruption is the key .

I know it sounds a bit weird but it really did work for dd (3.5) and is a dream at bed times now, we've had it sorted for the last couple of months. She does sometimes ask for the odd extra story and the first time she tried to push for it there were a few tears but no where near as bad as the old night time tantrums.

HTH.

Original poster

UptobedNOW · 21/05/2014 09:56

Thanks for replying. I think that telling DD what is going to happen is a good idea, up until now we have just been saying to her that it's not fair on DD2 etc. So this morning we had a good chat with me talking about the positive bits of bedtime and what will happen tonight.

We have a change of plan, DD1 & 2 will have stories together with me, DD1 to then get into bed whilst I settle DD2 and DP will sit with her for 10 mins for kisses cuddles and chat. He will then leave but promise to go back in 10 mins. If she doesn't feel ready to sleep she can look at a book or do some stickers but this will be strictly on her own.

Will see how it goes, I do feel better for having a plan in place. It is so frustrating isn't it as you know there is nothing actually wrong. I do find it difficult not to get cross with her as I know she is very tired and this is counterproductive. I'm glad you managed to sort your DD

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Atbeckandcall · 21/05/2014 10:17

Well done. It's jolly tough and so mentally draining. Frustrating too as to how a small child can get the better of a normally rational and reasonable adult!

Good luck tonight OP!

Original poster

UptobedNOW · 21/05/2014 10:58

Certainly is, I think our MN names say it all...

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Atbeckandcall · 21/05/2014 22:03

How's it going?

Original poster

UptobedNOW · 21/05/2014 22:28

Started off great, stories together was lovely. DD1 went to her room and DP sat with her for 10 mins. He left and said would be back in 10. This was all fine no complaints, I am congratulating myself. DD1 then starts calling out. DP reiterates that he will be back etc and then it all escalated, screaming, crying , the lot.

DD2 was now wide awake and kept getting up, so at 9:15 I took her downstairs, had very stern words with DD1 who was so tired she just went to sleep. DD2 finally went off about 10 mins ago.

So all in all a disaster. Such a shame as we had had a good day, pre-school for both and then a really calm evening. We will go with the chocolate and reward chart offensive tomorrow. In the mean time we are having a large hope you have had a good evening.

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Twotofive · 21/05/2014 22:34

I've recently had a problem with my 3 yo going to sleep after she had a bad nightmare.

I did have to resort to bribery, but I hung a bag on her door handle & told her if she stayed in her room all night the sleep fairy will look after her & leave a present in the morning. I just used to fill it with mini figures, little cars, stickers- that kind of thing. It has really worked for us & she settles much better now. At the start she wouldn't even sit on the bed!

Hope you get it sorted- it's very stressful

Original poster

UptobedNOW · 21/05/2014 22:44

That's a good idea, DD does respond quite well to the offer of treats. It's another line of attack to keep in mind. Not my finest parenting moment tonight as I did shout a little. It wasn't left like that and I did tell her that we loved her very much but I feel awful now. You're right it is very stressful. Do you have mainly calm bedtimes now?

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Twotofive · 21/05/2014 22:52

Yes, a lot calmer. We had got to the point where she was refusing to get in the bath too, as she associated it with bedtime. She does say 'please don't leave me!' Just before we turn out the lights, but I tell her i'll only be in the next room, she seems to accept this & rolls over to suck her thumb. She was an excellent sleeper (apart from as a baby!) before this nightmare, so I think that has helped her to recover quickly.

Good luck!

Twotofive · 21/05/2014 22:54

Also don't feel awful about shouting. I got cross too as I just couldn't get through to her, and after 3 hrs of trying to get her into bed I was exasperated! She was fine the next day & it didn't seem to harm her progress.

Original poster

UptobedNOW · 21/05/2014 23:00

Thanks for that, she will be right as rain in the morning and we will have cuddles - all ready to start over tomorrow night

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Atbeckandcall · 22/05/2014 02:16

I'm glad it started well, that's positive. I think maybe the 10 minutes thing is sticking point. My dd wouldn't be able to compute 10 minutes or work out how long that is.

Maybe try doing a 3 minutes count down before you leave the room altogether, she's probably waiting for the return? So "On 3 mins I'll give you a kiss and a hug then I'm going downstairs." Wait a min. "In 2 mins I'm going to give you a kiss and a hug and go downstairs and remember if you stay in your bed asleep all night you'll get xyz"." Do the same after 1 min and then do a 5 second countdown, kiss, hug and leave.

As for the bribery, it certainly helped for a smoother and calmer bedtime!

Original poster

UptobedNOW · 22/05/2014 11:21

Think you might be right about the 10 mins thing though that first departure was fine last night. It was the repeated calling out for me and DP and then losing the plot when we left again that was the real problem.

I think we need to prevent her having reasons for calling out and needing us to go in. Last night she wanted water, then cream on as she was itchy, then a different PJ top, then a different book, it went on and on. all these things she can do for herself if the need is genuine. When I told her she could sort herself out she said she didn't want to get out of bed as there were crocodiles on the floor

I said to her last night that when DD2 was asleep I would go in but if she kept shouting and screaming DD2 wouldn't be able to sleep so I would take longer. She did get it but didn't care.

So tonight I am hoping the promise of chocolate in the morning coupled with the fact that she will be very tired will make for a quick and calm bedtime...

Thanks to both of you for your help, sometimes you really can't see the wood for the trees when you feel strung out and stressed.

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carolinementzer · 22/05/2014 13:01

We used the sleep fairy bribery with my DD (3.5yrs), fairy would leave gift (usually money to save up for a new bike) under her pillow if she stayed in bed all night. My DD did suffer with terrible nightmares - too vivid an imagination- we used Sleep easy spray by indigo essences which worked or even rescue remedy would help. Also I use acupressure for 2 mins at bedtime to get DD into a really relaxed state - works a treat. All in all, she's now much calmer and happy to go to bed. Here's the acupressure point we use -
mydaughterwontsleep.com/2013/12/27/the-sleep-inducing-power-of-acupressure/ Good luck!

Original poster

UptobedNOW · 22/05/2014 13:18

Thanks Caroline, that sounds interesting, I think anything is worth a go, it can't get much worse at the moment. I think that also might be beneficial to DD2 as she finds it a struggle to switch off sometimes. (smile)

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Original poster

UptobedNOW · 22/05/2014 13:19

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Original poster

UptobedNOW · 22/05/2014 21:47

Just thought would let you know if you are interested, had a really positive bedtime tonight, very calm and no crying or screaming. The power of the promise of a pain au chocolat for breakfast

DD2 went off as soon as her head hit the pillow so I was a lot more 'present' than usual for DD1 and I didn't rush her to settle down, I very much gave her the lead in deciding when to go to sleep (she was looking at her sticker books after stories). I just suggested that she might want to think about going to sleep soon and she agreed, laid down and went to sleep listening to her meditative CD. Will see how this pans out long term but I am so pleased we have had no shouting tonight.

Thanks for all the advice

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Atbeckandcall · 22/05/2014 22:34

Yay!!!

Well done, you deserve one of these.

Don't be surprised if she acts up again in a night a two for a night or two. Totally normal, just don't revert back to the old ways and you'll be fine.

Massive pat on the back to you

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