10 month old sleeping - at my wits end!!

[Jewel8713]

Hi everyone
This is my first post, and a negative one at that. I'm wondering if anyone can share any advice. My husband and I are exhausted.

Our little girl is 10 and a half months. She's been a good ish sleeper, goes through stages. Can be really good for a couple weeks then not too good. At the moment she's the worse she has ever been and I just don't know what to do.

She naps in the morning, anything from 1-2 hours. Then half hour /45 mins around 2pm in afternoon.

Her bedtime is around 6:30-7. She's ready then as she's cranky and visibly tired. On a good night we would put her down asleep ( I know but it's easier) and she would sleep until 7:15 albeit waking a few times in night just because she has lost dummy which I can handle.

Her bedtime routine has always been consistent. She usually either falls asleep ok her evening bottle or cuddles into us straight after and falls asleep. We then take her up to bed. At the moment we still do that but she wakes screaming after 20 mins and will not go back to sleep unless we take her out. Then we put her down she wakes and screams and so on. She will just stand in her cot and wail til we pick her up. We have tried everything. Controlled crying. Cry it out. Shushing and patting in cot, I've sang to her. Sat in her room with her. Gone in led her down walked out and so on. Nothing works. She will not sleep unless she is on us and in our bed. She will only fall asleep eventually on me and I can put her down without waking at about10pm and that's just because she has exhausted herself. She will sleep then til about 2-3am and the cycle starts again. Obviously a few nights we have given in at 3am as we r so exhausted and brought her into us. Neither of us sleep properly then either as I'm worried of squashing her or her rolling out of the bed. Also I really don't want her to get in the habit of sleeping in our bed.
I just don't know what todo. She does the same at nap times but happy to sleep in car seat or pram.

Does anyone have any advice. My husband and I feel like we constantly argue with each other about the situation too. She is currently having her morning nap - on me. I'm too exhausted to put her down.
Thanks

Hi
I don't have anything useful to say, sorry! I just wanted to let you know I share your pain! I posted a similarly sleep deprived, exhausted post earlier today!
I hope it gets better for you soon. Just remember it WILL get better eventually x

If you can afford it I highly recommend Andrea Grace sleep consultant. The best £275 I've ever spent. I was also at my wits end with 6 month old who slept on 45 min cycles in the night and had to be breast fed to sleep each time.
First off the main issue is that she is using you as an aid to sleep. Andrea will tell you that she must be awake when you put her in her cot. Once she can self settle when she wakes on her next cycle she won't need to cry out for you.
Within 2 weeks he was sleeping through. She also has a book which I've passed to a friend and it's worked for her, so that's a cheaper option.
Obviously crying is involved but I never left him to cry, I was always by his side and even picked up if I felt necessary. It's a tough first week but I got through it knowing it would work!
Andrea is lovely and will do phone/Skype consultations.

Hi pink summer,

Would you say Andreas approach is quite gentle? I'm looking for a gentle approach but with so much out there I'm getting confused. Also do you have the name of the book?

Hi Jewel,

Poor you - I know just how tough it is having so little sleep! My DD1 (2.2) was a dreadful sleeper. She goes through phases now of sleeping through but still has occasional wake ups. And I now have DD2 (4 mths) to add to the mix!

Just a few thoughts from your post. You say your DD is visibly tired and cranky at bedtime - I wonder if she is overtired? Could you try and extend the afternoon nap or fit in a short cat nap - even if you move bedtime back slightly?

As other posters have said, she needs to learn to fall asleep herself in her cot - imagine you fall asleep in your bed, with your familiar pillows and duvet and then wake up 20 minutes later on a cold kitchen floor with no idea of how you got there! You'd be pretty upset too!

Also, it sounds like you have tried a lot of approaches in a relatively short space of time - I wonder if your DD is just totally confused about what she is supposed to do and how to do it. If you think about it from her point of view, when she wakes up and cries, she doesn't know if you will be there already, come immediately, come in a few minutes or not come at all!

Personally, I'm not a fan of CC or CIO, and these methods may have meant that she has associated her cot with being left to cry. Have you tried playing with her in there in the daytime with lots of toys etc to create new positive associations? Peekabo is a good one, especially as she is at prime separation anxiety age.

Gradual retreat methods have worked for DD1 on several occasions (she has had a lot of sleep regressions due to illness/teething and travel!). Have a look at some of the sleep pages on mumsnet or try reading the No Cry Sleep Solution. A lot of patience is required - but total consistency is important to any sleep training method.

Hope some of this might be helpful and good luck!

Hi

I used Sian at Www.sleepbabies.co.uk and it was life changing. Joe was up 4-5 times a night prior to this.Very gentle, he did cry initially but I stayed with him all the time. Sleeps through the night now (mostly) and is far less grumpy. Expensive, difficult first week but wish we did it sooner!

Hi still. Her book is called Gentle Sleep Solutions, I personally found it gentle. I had never let him cry prior to meeting her. I would have rushed to his side.
Never did I worry that he was distressed, if I had any doubts I would pick him up for a cuddle and he would be fine. Andrea was happy for me to pick him up, I only felt the need to once. The more you pick up the longer it will take but you'll get there.