Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Original poster

Feeling rather low

35 replies

melonribena · 18/05/2014 20:18

I've had enough now.

My now 22 mth old ds has finally broken me.

From birth he wanted to bf all the time and only sleep on me. This carried on until he was 7 mths old when he finally napped alone. He still needed me at night though. I co slept and bf him throughout the night, that was what he needed.

For the past year I have gradually improved his sleep to the point where he will sleep for 2 hours at night alone before screaming for me and co sleeping the rest of the night.

I've given up nights out, evenings and nights with my dp cos that's what ds needed.

In the past 5 days he's now decided to scream blue murder at night and only wants to sleep on me from 7pm (bedtime) onwards again.

I'm exhausted, I've got work and housework to do.

I don't know why I'm posting, I'm just very tired.

OP posts:
ThisFenceIsComfy · 18/05/2014 20:25

Sympathies Thanks I have a 22 month old DS who is exactly the same. I could have written your OP.

It's bloody tiring isn't it? The responsibity of it all, being the only one who has to do every bedtime and every wake up. The relentless of it is pretty wearing too. People always give lots of tips and solutions but if your DS is anything like mine, you will know that nothing will happen without an epic battle and it's having to be in the right place to deal with that. So I'm just going to give you a Brew and some Cake.

It will get better. They will not be like this in a few years I promise

purplemurple1 · 18/05/2014 20:25

Is it to late to introduce a dummy?
Or cold turkey by you being away for the night?

Original poster
melonribena · 18/05/2014 20:39

Thank you. It feels never ending at the moment!

He does have a dummy, finally convinced him at 5 mths to take one. Loves it but when he wakes in the night it simply won't do!

OP posts:
littleowl14 · 18/05/2014 21:04

hugs mamma Thanks

silly question but is it teeth? my ds is like this when teething but we now realise he doesn't really show signs in the day apart from fussy eating. most of his teeth so far have coincided with illness till very recently (no more bloody illnesses to come. except chick p Hmm ) and his upset was more from that than actual teeth.

littleowl14 · 18/05/2014 21:10

it does pass though. a friend bf and coslept with her daughter. she's now 28 mo and self night weaned and seems to be slowly day weaning. it does happen eventually!

would he accept sippy cups of milk at night? another friend did this. her ds drank gallons but stopped needing her so much. when my ds has been very thrashy I've given a bottle of water or a sippy of milk which seems to help.

just keep thinking of a few years when daddy will be taking him camping/footy etc etc and you can have nice bubble baths!Wine

littleowl14 · 18/05/2014 21:14

reading again though - totally empathise with the 'on me' bit, this my ds to a tea at times. bed side cot is totally defunct!

woundbobbin · 18/05/2014 21:26

I could have written your post. My 19mth dd has never slept well. I have made so many rods for my back that I've lost count. Fed to sleep till I stopped bf at 13 months rocked to sleep untill 16mths when we had 1 glorious month of sitting by her cot for 30 mins while she went to sleep on her own and stayed there all night. The last two months she screams at the sight of the cot god forbid we put her in it. It takes up to 90mins for her to go to sleep and she is usually awake and in our bed 2hrs after that where she will only sleep as the crossbar with me and DH the goal posts clinging on for dear life so we don't fall out of bed. So that long rambling post is my way of saying I know exactly how you feel - I'm sorry you are in the same situation - and I'm sure they will not be doing it at 18 or at least at that age we can ask them to move out Wink

allnightnenes · 18/05/2014 21:33

I am in the same boat here too!
Please someone come along and tell us that being baby led and co sleeping and bfing allllllll night will end one day soon without the need for tears???? Please!
19months and counting so far and tonight like every other night I have fed ds twice already since putting him to bed. I will give in soon and go to bed myself with him.

Original poster
melonribena · 18/05/2014 21:37

Oh it's wonderful to know we're not alone!

We've tentatively tried to let him cry but always cave after a few mins. It's also easy to resolve to change things at 7pm. It's a different matter at 2am when you're knackered and got work in a few hours!

Sympathies to everyone. Maybe someone will come along who has the magic recipe about how to stop it without awful crying!

OP posts:
allnightnenes · 18/05/2014 21:42

Yes I have been thinking about posting on this topic for weeks now to find out if anyone has any success stories. I feel like I've failed sometimes despite ds beinghhappy and healthy. I am only mum I know in this situation and have started to lie about the sleeping and feeding thing when people ask as feel incompetent. Stupid I know but when you have people telling you about how their 10week old is in a routine and only feeds at 11 then 3am you feel a bit rubbish!!!

allnightnenes · 18/05/2014 21:43

Still can't bring myself to change what I do orlet him crylmind you!

ThisFenceIsComfy · 18/05/2014 21:48

Yes now I just say "oh he sleeps ok, not always straight through" when people ask. He's 22 months now! Aaargh!

Original poster
melonribena · 18/05/2014 21:49

I agree about the lying. Even though we are doing our absolute best, it still feels like we are failing.

I know some friends would judge badly. They can't believe im still bf!

OP posts:
Original poster
melonribena · 18/05/2014 21:51

We once got 5 hours out of ds. Once! It's usually 2-3 hours.
Sleeping through?! Feels like it's as possible as winning the lottery!

OP posts:
woundbobbin · 18/05/2014 22:00

I also mumble something about her not being as bad as she used to when people ask I'm embarrassed that I've not done better. I can't abide the unrequested advice "just do controlled crying she might cry for 45 mins the 1st night but it'll quickly reduce" I just want to say fuck off she can scream in my arms for an hour sometimes there is no question of just putting her down & walking out. Her stamina is just incredible. Our mantra is she will get there in her own time but sometimes I am concerned I might get sacked / divorced as a consequence

ThisFenceIsComfy · 18/05/2014 22:08

I

ThisFenceIsComfy · 18/05/2014 22:09

Oops

I once tried night weaning. Lasted 3 nights. Each night consecutively worse than the last. It actually plunged us into a month of sheer hell sleep-wise. Really early wake ups with half hour wakings. Hell.

stillhopefulforanother · 18/05/2014 22:11

Woundrobbin, you've made me smile. Just joining this thread. I have a DD too whose stamina is quite amazing.

Went to a playgroup the other day and a mum of a 5 month old was moaning because he'd woken twice the night before! What! My 8 month old had woken TEN times the night before. Oh wow, I felt so shitty.

I've read so much about sleep training, I've confused myself let alone my babe. Pick up, don't pick up. Cry for a minute, two mins, don't leave to cry, leave to cry, don't speak, say a phase, cuddle to calm, put them in, count to a thousand, pick up aaarrggggghhhh!

Original poster
melonribena · 18/05/2014 22:21

I've had so much advice, and snooty looking down the nose at.

"My dd slept through at 4 wks old" said a colleague. "It's because I made a clear definition between night and day."

Yeah yeah, we did everything seemingly right. Made fuck all difference!

OP posts:
ThisFenceIsComfy · 18/05/2014 22:29

Do you think being a bit bf obsessed contributes? I think with DS it does

I remember the first night in hospital, every time I put him in his cot, he would lie there and cry or stare at me but wouldn't sleep! Not at all! Unless he was on me. The nurse came in the morning and asked how the night went. When I said "he breastfed continually for 8 hours" she was a bit Hmm

woundbobbin · 18/05/2014 22:29

Or the people who say oh i couldn't tolerate a non sleeping baby I really need my sleep new flash amiga we all need sleep.
One thing that baffles me is that dd genuinely gets very stressed when we put her in the cot tears snot banging her head against the side the lot and you feel so sorry for her and start to think oh my is she ill is it teeth etc but when I can tolerate the noise no longer I do sometimes put her down on the floor where she is immediately fine the other morning she was in a total state I gave up put her down she pottered off to the bookcase looked for a bit pulled out her copy of mog and said "mummy read miaow" I said you cannot be serious child it's gone midnight you haven't been to sleep yet I have to get up in a few hours for work. I honestly think she could stay up all night and function well the next day.

Original poster
melonribena · 18/05/2014 22:37

I think a bf obsession has a lot to do with it. I also this ds genuinely likes sleeping next to someone.

Up until 12 mths old he cuddled right up during the night. Now, after he's fed he rolls across the bed but stretches his arm or leg out so he's always touching me a bit.

I know I've had about 500 times my allocated share of cuddles and will remember them much more than no sleep, but still! Enough is enough!

Interesting to hear that night weaning doesn't work, I was going to attempt that soon..!

OP posts:
woundbobbin · 18/05/2014 22:44

I did find when I stopped bf at night that there was a brief improvement but dd was loosing interest in feeding anyway she just likes to be next to someone when sleeping (mainly head under my chin and feet in DH's face) I'm thinking the answer might just be to save up and buy a big bed

Original poster
melonribena · 19/05/2014 07:46

I'd been considering a bigger bed too!

OP posts:
littleowl14 · 19/05/2014 13:21

I'm in a fb toddler lll group, all bf toddlers not all cosleeping though. some have found night weaning helps, others not at all. interestingly there's a couple of mum's to twins; one mum has commented that any developmental leap stuff wrecks her son's sleep but not her daughter's. she doesn't cosleep unless she has to. she night weaned but it made no difference to her son's sleep.

tbh the rest of the world doesn't see it as a problem, it's totally normal. it just doesn't fit too well with our western life styles Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread