Do we have it ok or is it time to get routined?!

[Babytalkobsession]

Sorry for the long post...

DS is 6 months and I've kind of just gone with the flow ie feeding every time he wakes, putting him to bed for the night when he gives me sleepy signs (usually around 7-8pm), rocking him to sleep for bed time and all naps and generally not having any routine. Oops!

I'm generally happy with this as he's happy. He tends to go down for a decent block of sleep initially and naps regularly (although only 45mins at a time). Nights are a mixed bag. He went through 7-5 once, but a usual night is 1-2 night feeds. The last few nights have been harder, 3-4 or longer wakes / harder to settle.

I'm now at a point where I'm exhausted with rocking him to sleep (he's nearly 19lbs) so I know I need to tackle this. I'm also struggling with the inconsistency of the nights, I'm fine with 1 night feed but its the randomness that throws me eg a wake a midnight when I've only been asleep for an hour.

I guess my questions are; should I be trying to get more of a structure? Would I start to get more consistent bedtimes, night feeds and nap times? Does this sound ok for 6 months or should he be sleeping better by now? Any tips to get out of the rocking to sleep? He's never just dropped off to sleep but can settle him self in the night. And where the hell do I start!! :)

Thanks

watching with interest ......we are in the same boat. ds is 13 wks and happy with this randomness (for want of a better word)

like you though, I am at his mercy and my sleep has to fit in with his - don't think this would work long term!

Exactly! I've found it easier just going with the baby led approach and I think we're all happier because of it but feel like there must need to be a transition into slightly more structure as he's getting older...I don't want to be following his lead when he's a toddler!

I guess I'm just wondering where do I start from here, without going full throttle Gina Ford style!! :) hopefully a wise mumsnetter will be along with expert advise

personally (and I teach autistic children so know aaaallll about routine, schedules and 'structure') I'd be baby led, continuing feeding on demand etc, watching for sleepy cues (these do change) and introduce simple routines.

routine = familiarity. a familiar order of events to signal. something. eg bath, book, special music before bed. massages what ever, just a familiarity. schedules are times. I found observing the clock and what time ds did things for how long MUCH more useful. this gave a rough idea of when he might be tired. so noticing how long between naps they can stay awake which can help predict bedtime. when ds has dropped naps bedtimes became all over the shop but we had a routine - bed cues - to indicate bed time. (for example they apparently can start dropping to one nap around the time they start walking )

I used either feed to sleep or pram / push chair fir naps. partly as we went out a lot but it was handy to notice when he was sleepy and when he slept..he created predictable schedules himself. (though these always shift when poorly or growing a lot!) as you never know when that will be, I reckon baby led is easier!

dunno if it helps but just what I've done, and I've found it nicely flexible. also, we can be flexible with times this way for special occasions such as weddings etc where ds has thoroughly enjoyed staying up a little later after a later nap!

ds is now a toddler and I follow his lead but within the context of familiar routines we have introduced to him iykwim. and always the option for flexibility!

In my opinion it's just as or even more important to listen to toddlers / follow cues to avoid tantrums.... it's a bit of give and take as they're complicated little things trying to learn how to communicate without verbal reasoning skills which doesn't come till age 4-5. however familiarity and consistency helps them recognise what is happening and where it happens.

I chose to proactively and consiststently cosleep for this reason (as I knew he was going to be an extreme cling-on) - we both needed consistency! I may not have with a more laid back baby.

one very important thing to remember though us that we do worry about what hasn't happens yet, and imagine that what is happening now will always happen unless we 'do' something. they change very quickly,.often over night! and teeth.. .. bloody teeth!

Thanks Littleowl, your response makes a lot of sense to me and reinforces that the 'baby led' approach is working fine for us. Your point that routine is familiarity is really helpful and definitely think we need to work on this to help DS settle for bedtime when he's tired. I think I was panicking that I should have a schedule but as you say they change so quickly it would be a lot of stress for all of us. And I love the flexibility we have.

The rocking to sleep is something that I need to change for me but by working on a bedtime routine, or familiar sequence of events, I think over time he'll get the signal that its sleep time without the rocking and gradually learn to self settle.

Thanks for the reassurance :)