I just left dd crying, feel like shit.

[QuietNinjaTardis]

I hate the thought of my kids crying, promised I'd never do it but I just have. We have got into the habit of feeding to sleep which I am quite happy with, figured I could sort it out when she is a bit older. However she has recently decided that instead of feeding to sleep she will look at me and grin or she will bob on and off until I give up and jiggle her to sleep in my arms. She wakes several times a night and if she won't feed to sleep I have to get up and jiggle her and then try putting her down when asleep repeat until she settles. I'm knackered. I've only had a handful of longer stretches of sleep ie 4 hours a handful of times since she was 3 months, she's now nearly 6 months.
Last night she was awake every hour but of course wasn't hungry so had to jiggle her as she can't self settle. In the end I went into spare room and Dh had her on the bed with him. I got 2 hours before she woke up hungry/wanting to play at 4.30. She didn't go back to sleep until half 5. Ds came into me at 5.50 as he'd wet thru his pull up and was soaked. I then managed to doze a bit until about 6.40 when dd started stirring.
She was hungry and tired do fed her at 8.45 then put her down and she woke straight away, tried jiggling her a couple of times and feeding again and she was having none of it so put her down and went to bathroom to shower. She cried out on and off. Couldn't hear her while in shower and then when I got out she cried out a couple of times didn't sound very happy. She'd gone quiet by the time I got to her and she was asleep when I went back into bedroom. Was gone about 15/20 min. Feel like crap but I'm so tired off trying to get her to sleep. I'm exhausted and now I feel like shit cos I left her crying.
Sorry it's long I'm too tired to out my thoughts in order so its a bit of a brain fart. Do you think I've done her some damage? I don't agree with cc/CIO so I've just been horrible to my dd just so I could have my bloody shower. I'm a shit mum and a shit person.

I have to say it is horrible when your child cries, but as they get older they will cry more! They get frustrated as they get older as they can't tell you what they want and when they start eating and get more mobile they get more frustrated. My LO will whinge cry all the time and I have to guess what she wants. I wouldn't worry too much, babies cry. You are not leaving him for very long. You are not shit, you are a mum and we have the hardest job in the world!!!!!!

Didn't want to not answer. You are absolutely not a shit mum or a shit person!! Please do not think that. Sleep deprivation is the hardest thing to deal with. You wouldn't have left her literally screaming the place down, you said she cried out on and off - if she was tired she would probably have done the same even if you were holding her. And the fact she went to sleep herself after only 15 mins shows a) how tired she was and b) that she can do it herself. I'm sure you felt better and a bit more awake after your shower, she will feel better after her nap - please don't feel crap about it at all.
Cc/CIO is a whole different thing entirely. Hope you are ok OP.

You are neither a shit mum nor a shit person. I think most mums would understand your frustration and tiredness. DD was like your DD for a long time, she just loved the cuddles and snuggles, even though I wanted to throw her out the window sometimes. I never wanted to let her cry either, and it took me a very long time to learn the difference between her crying because she was grumpy and indignant at being left alone vs her being properly distressed. In the end I tried a couple of things. I'm not sure which worked, but I'd leave her for 1 minute, then go in and settle, then 2 mins, etc,. I also used to leave her for a few mins when she woke as it turned out she wasn't really waking (she's a really noisy sleeper, even now at 4), and me going in to her was the problem.

Hope you feel a bit more human after the shower. Can you get some rest now she is down?

Thank you for your replies. I think if she'd been screaming then I would have gone back to her as I wouldn't have been able to stand it. I just wanna cry myself right now. I've just sat down with a hot drink after doing some chores but can't go to sleep as have 4 year old ds who bless him was babysat by the TV for an hour while I tried to sort her out/showered.
I would really like her to be able to self settle as jiggling her is hard work and makes me boiling hot at the mo. I just don't think leaving her crying is the way to do it but maybe I'll try putting her down when tired and stay with her or something. Oh. I dunno. Ds didn't self settle for years so I'm a bit rubbish at this and she's so young.
I think that's right she loves the cuddles and so do I but not when she needs to sleep and she's just looking at me grinning!

So fed her again before her next nap was due and she fell asleep on boob, put her down and she woke up. Left her in crib but stayed in room. She mucked about with her feet for a bit, she did a couple of cries but didn't actually cry iyswim. Yawned a few times in between a cry. Played with her feet again and then went quiet. When I checked on her she was asleep! I'm so fucking gobsmacked.
If she can self settle will this help with her night waking? Please say it will please. I'm so shocked that this happened. I was ready to jump up to her as soon as she started wailing but it never happened apart from a "oi I'm still here sort of cry"

Fingers crossed it will help! It sounds like progress anyway - my dd is 8 mths and it's taken me weeks of bedtimes to get her to go to sleep in her cot herself - I have to sit with her too.

She sounds just like my DD, Quiet. I'd suggest leaving her when she wakes, even if you're lying in bed awake, waiting for her to wail, and see if she nods off again herself. I was my and DD's worst enemy with sleep, I was the one stopping her learning to settle herself!

Thank you! Will see how it goes, I'm pleased she can do it though especially as it wasn't traumatic. It's good to know. Thanks for your support felt a bit wrecked earlier. Dreaming of a better nights sleep now.

Self settling should help night wakings. She's going to sleep with you there when you feed her to sleep do when she comes into light phase of sleep she realises something is different and properly wakes up.

Our LO is/was the same. I tackled it 9 months by putting him in cot awake for both naps and at night for a whole week. I stayed with him and ssshhed/patted. He didn't like it and cried on and off for 45 minutes but turn went to sleep. For the afternoon nap it was 25 mins of on/off crying. At night he went to sleep in ten minute no tears.

It helped night wakings a lot. So he'd do spells of 4/5 hours.

Then he got sick and forgot how to do it, and we've had to go through it again a few times after spells of illness/change. That's another issue though.

You could try googling gradual retreat as a gentle method to eventually get you out of the bedroom for LO to settle.

You're not a bad mum. We've all had those moments where you think 'I just need five minute to myself!!!!!!'.

Thanks Emma. I really hope it improves the night wakings. She slept in buggy this afternoon so will have to see how bedtime goes.