What's going on? Sleep regression and gradual retreat, 22 months

[Sleeppurleeze]

If anyone has any experience of gradual retreat with a toddler I'd find it really useful to hear it.

My ds self settled and slept through since I stopped breast feeding at 17 months, until about a month ago. No idea why it changed, one night I was putting him down and walking out the room, next he was crying and only stopping if I had a hand in his back.

Since then I have been trying gradual retreat. At first it was going quite well and night by night I moved further away till I was by the door.he would stand up to check I was there, but then settle. Possibly I pushed it too quickly, I got to going out and coming back if he called.

Now I'm back to hand in him, then sitting by him when he's calm till he falls asleep. I can't seem to move on from here and am in the room for 45 min average. Now he is waking in the night and crying unless I sit next to him till he falls asleep.

Basically, asking if anyone has any advice of what they did, how long it took... How did you finally 'get out' if they were still checking on you?

Also, am I making it worse by staying next to him, when he used to settle fine alone? My dh thinks I've created the situation.

Any advice/ experience? Thanks ...

Bump. Really need some support with how to do gradual retreat/withdrawal, whatever it's called. Not making any progress, to be honest going backwards.

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time - I know how it feels!

I have just gone through very a very similar situation with my 20 month old DD. She slept through from about 11 months then the 18 month sleep regression hit and she would only settle with a hand on her - be it a hand held or her back rubbed etc. Things got really bad and I think it really exacerbated her separation anxiety - meaning she was waking in the night looking for me, thinking the only way she could get back to sleep was with my help. So I ended up seeking advice from a sleep specialist. (This was after nearly 3 months of rubbish sleep!)

For us it was a case of one night of tears, then back to (pretty much) sleeping through. She advised to do the normal bedtime routine, then say good night and leave the room. When dd cried, I was to pop back in and cheerfully say something like " it's ok, nighty nighty it's sleepy time - mummy's only next door" then leave again, with the door slightly open. Then to kind of potter around upstairs - and go back in every 2 minutes and say similar. It didn't feel like controlled crying - and did work. Though it was tough listening to her crying at all!

Worked for us - if you've any more questions let me know.

I know this isn't gradual retreat, but I did this after spending roughly two weeks sitting at the end of her cot (where she couldn't see me) with no physical interaction - just saying a bedtime "mantra". (Sleepy time dd, sleepy time) This still caused her to wake looking for me in the night, so hence the stricter measures. Hope this helps!

Thanks, that's really interesting.

I'm still sitting by him at bedtime but am trying to gradually put the chair further away and out of sight. But if that doesn't work I think I'll have to try what you described.

How long did your dd cry for that night? Amazing it was only one night.

She eventually fell sleep at 8.15 and had gone to bed at 7.30. It felt marginally better as I was always nearby - and I also knew that it was more frustration on her part - but it was tough. I'm an old softie - she co-slept for nearly the first year! I think the constant reminder that I was nearby was enough. I hope you have a good night tonight!