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Original poster

Sleep training and night wakings

7 replies

Andcake · 11/05/2014 18:00

Ok this is a bit embarrassing but my 21 month old rarely sleeps through the night. He doesn't want milk just mummy!
Hates being apart. For a long while I've been trying different types of sleep training gentle gradual retreat. Have tried some cc but it's never worked - imagine 4 hrs of trying to calm a child in a cot who won't be calmed! Even with arm through bars he basically try's pulling my arm out until I have bruises
Anyway with the gentle approach I can get him to self settle all good but then when he wakes in the night NO. If I give in and cuddle he will need cuddling for the rest of the night.
E.g last night he self settled at 8 then he woke at 2 because I wouldn't cuddle him as trying to train him I sat their stroking head etc ( believe me after an hour I tried cuddling in our bed) he was awake. He finally fell back to sleep at 7.45. Thank god it wasn't a work day.
If I can't get him to self settle in the night - he's never going to sleep through is he Sad
Any ideas and please no one mention the no cry sleep solution as I can't fin any tips on this exact situation!

OP posts:
charlied2002 · 11/05/2014 21:13

Hi, no magic solutions just sympathy and a suggestion or two that has helped us.

Firstly, don't beat yourself up! There are plenty of us with ones that old (and older!) that don't regularly sleep through. Dd1 is 2.2 and has had more sleep regressions than you would think possible!

How does DS go to sleep? Is there anything that happens that isn't there when he wakes up? We have found talking books/music a massive help with DD1. They go on at bedtime and stay on all night. She has a star projector/night light too which she can put on herself.

Could you try sleeping in his room for a while? If you can reassure him before he wakes fully he may go back to sleep much more easily than if he wakes fully,yells for you and then works himself up into a state. If that works, after a few nights you can try gradual retreat and move the bed further away.

Original poster
Andcake · 12/05/2014 09:37

Hello
Thanks he has a musical sea horse which to be frank which he is very good at switching on until he falls to sleep - I usually know he is asleep as it doesn't set it going again (although its very frustrating at 4 in the morning one night after too many repetitions I threw it across the room naughty mummy) we have moved a single bed into his room and I did spend the night in their last night (but he typically slept through probably knackered from the night before) and I could have had a nice quiet night ;-)
he also has been spending the night on the single bed which helped greatly!

OP posts:
charlied2002 · 12/05/2014 11:11

Haha - yes DD1 had a music and lights projector for a while but I got rid of it as it drove me up the wall in the middle of the night! TBH, I think it almost made things worse as it seemed to wake her up more rather than send her back to sleep! That's where I think the music helps, she stirs, hears it and then goes back to sleep without waking fully.

I wonder if your DS is having nightmares occasionally and that is why he can be so hard to settle?

How long does he usually take to fall asleep at bedtime?

Original poster
Andcake · 12/05/2014 16:54

Settling at night all depends on naps. if he naps - usually we won't let him nap past 2.30pm he can be awake and lively until 10 pm (which is v frustrating as dp and i get no time alone and i get no tea)...without a nap (he tends to refuse them when both dp and I are around at the weekend - he will settle within half an hour as he is tired). But we put him to bed slightly earlier to avoid over tiredness. Problem with him not having a nap is it works well but lets say he has 2 or 3 days without a nap (think bank holiday) he starts waking more frequently as over excited. I did think of trying a nap every other day thing but it might confuse things.

As usual I will dread tonight as Mondays (i'm at work - he is with dp and he will nap but be really over excited when i get home)
His bedtime routine is exactly the same time each night but we only bath him every other night - which probably makes me a bad mum but it means on non bath nights cooking, cleaning etc is easier as i get a bigger window between getting home from work and sitting in a dark room trying more gradual retreat!! DP has no luck settling him if I'm at home but I'm happy as DP will just cook a nice dinner and clean the kitchen ;-)

OP posts:
Original poster
Andcake · 12/05/2014 16:56

to answer you initial question nap days up to 3 hrs but mostly 1.5 hours - non nap 30 minutes.

OP posts:
BigPigLittlePig · 13/05/2014 09:42

Grim, we have the same problem with dd (18m). Add to the night wakings the fact that she wishes to begin her days at 5 and you have the recipe for zombie mum.

Anyway.

Tonight will try sleeping on her floor, I like the idea of trying to settle them before they are waking the neighbourhood with their wails.

In the meantime, Brew anyone?

smokeandfluff · 13/05/2014 10:00

You've probably tried it but will he accept a teddy or a blankie as a substitute for you?

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