Terrible sleeper, 6 months, too tired to know what to do

[DevoidofBeans]

I have more or less avoided this topic on mumsnet as I was foolishly thinking I could just ride it out and this will pass. I am now hitting rock bottom. For the last 6 months or so I have been co-sleeping, bf throughout the night and having my baby sleep on me. I am exhausted. I would say she is a high needs baby, she just will not be put down. She is happy as long as someone is carrying her or playing with her. I try to put her down to nap but it doesn't work. She has at times napped in the car or in the pushchair but she cries now most of the time when she goes in either. She spends a lot of time in a sling.

I just don't feel like I can tackle the nights, I am so shattered, the idea of putting her in a cot and then repeatedly soothing her until she sleeps is just too much. On any occasion that she has slept on a bed or cot it only usually lasts 10 minutes before she is wide awake and crying her head off again. So at the moment, she sleeps on me or dh until we go to bed or I go to bed and he brings her up the first time she needs to feed (though for some reason I can't usually get to sleep anyway even if I go earlier).

At first I felt like co-sleeping helped as I could just feed her semi-asleep and for 5 months or so it was mostly ok but my dh slept in another room. Now he is back in our bed, I am finding it really difficult to co-sleep and be safe and comfortable. And if dd does go to sleep she wakes so easily that I have to be really careful not to disturb her, which means dh and I can end up really squished up and uncomfortable.

I think he will have to go back to the spare room but I am worried how and when we will be able to change this. I feel like a total disaster, I have a toddler too and she goes to nursery but the times I have both are killing me. I don't do anything or go anywhere, I live overseas, have no family, no baby groups, no good friends. If I wasn't so tired I would be more interested in doing stuff but as it is I can just about handle house work and taking care of the baby.

Dh does his fair share and his parents help on weekends but nothing really makes up for the chronic sleep deprivation. In the morning my toddler wakes at 6 and dh usually gets up with her but often she wakes up the baby and then he can't handle them both and getting himself ready for work and her ready for nursery, but I struggle so much to get up after yet another night of very broken sleep so it leads to stress and bickering.

What can I do? How do I tackle this? Or do I just send dh back to the spare room and carry on until she self-weans/chooses to sleep alone/goes to university?!

Oh and I'm sure this is awful but we really have no routine. She is otherwise a healthy and happy baby so I don't think this is health related. She will not take a dummy either despite me trying since she was small.

I'd ask your dh to move out of the bed until you feel at least a little better rested and then, rather than attempt to reshape all of your baby's sleep, just concentrate on improving the habits around one of the sleeps to see if that has a beneficial effect.

With my ds2, who was very similar to your baby, I used the shh, pat method for the first strech of night-time sleep and that seemed to extend that bit of sleep and then I'd co-sleep for the rest of the night.

This isn't somthing you have done, this is where you end up with a non sleeper. Be kind to yourself.

Do you know, I could spell and proof read and everything before I had kids.

You poor thing, it sounds really tough.

I think you need to think short term and long term. Short term, you are knackered, so DH needs to go back to the spare room and you need to do whatever else necessary to get some rest and help you feel more human. How much does DD feed during the night- is the problem frequent nighttime feeding or the co-sleeping? Would she (and DH!) tolerate her sleeping with DH for the night and bringing her in for feeds? Can PIL take toddler for the night at the weekend to make things easier? Obviously these are very short term ideas but might help you get a couple of nights of decent sleep and recharge.

Long term, I really recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Talks a lot of sense and has lots of techniques for different situations, depending on what you're trying to achieve. None of it is instant, but neither is it traumatic for any of you!

In the mean time, try and remember that it will get better. In time she will eat (more) solids and breastfeed less, which may help. She will be (more?) mobile and knacker herself out, which may help. Assuming she's not mobile yet, you may find that she's much happier once she is, and that will help. She will not be breastfeeding and co-sleeping until she goes to university!

Thank you for the replies. I think I will banish DH back to spare room for now. I also think tackling one sleep at a time is a good idea. PIL are happy to have toddler for the night so if DD is willing we will do that tomorrow night.

This afternoon we went to the park and baby fell asleep in sling and I was able to transfer her into pushchair(before that she cried in it). So tonight DH settled toddler and I went for a walk with baby in sling, she fell asleep and I then transferred her into cot and she didn't do her usual instant wake up. It may only last a few minutes but it's more than we've managed for quite some time. Hopefully we can work on that first part of the night being in the cot. And when DH is less shattered maybe he can do a co-sleeping and bringing her to feed night.

Furry, it feels as if she feeds a lot at night, I don't look at the time as I am too weary and can't bring myself to look but it must be every couple of hours.

We are doing BLW and she is loving it and increasingly is actually eating a fair amount of food as opposed to just playing around. She is not mobile yet but I think she will be soon, she is almost crawling and pulls herself up to stand.

I will order the book for when I go back to the UK next month.