Bedtime routine bad timing for 7 week old

[boopdoop]

Help! I have a lovely 7 week old who sadly doesn't yet share his parents love of sleep! DH works away over 50% of the time (in middle of 7 days/nights away) so doing this alone quite a lot of the time and am beyond exhausted.

I am bf but with occasional ff. he always has a bottle around 9.30pm, and then I'll pop him in grobag and try to settle for the night - often he doesn't go down till between midnight and 1am. During that time he'll be really awake, want more feeds, sleep on me but wake up when put in Moses basket etc. tonight it was 1.15am before he settled. He managed 2 hours before waking again. Occasionally will sleep 3+ hours but usually wakes every -1.5-3 hours for feeds. This will go on till 9-10am when we get up. Grobag and Ewan the dream sleep are helping to settle in moses basket once asleep but it's getting to that point which is not happening.

I want to start more of a bedtime routine, but feel a bit unsure what to do, and when. Should it be earlier to try and get him to sleep during eve (which I would desperately love as evenings are a nightmare, he cluster feeds which doesn't allow much if any time for me to get food and eat when I am on my own...) or do I keep bedtime as later. What's good to include on routine, how long should it be?

I am totally happy and prepared for waking in the night for feeds etc, don't expect him to sleep through, but really need a bit more structure to the evenings and nights, and concerned he is getting overtired as he's not sleeping enough.,
Any thoughts or advice very much appreciated!

Sorry, title should read "Bedtime routine AND timing for 7 week old" - so so tired, and silly autocorrect!

I found once I started doing bedtime in the bedroom with lights off and curtains closed, DS started settling a lot earlier. I'm by no means an expert, but maybe try to wind him down for bed about 1.5 hours since he last woke up. Eg, yesterday DS had a little snooze till 5:30 so not long after 7 we came upstairs and I sat on the bed feeding him until he fell asleep.

When he's waking in the night is he actually waking for feeding or just shuffling about? I've stopped picking him up at first moan as sometimes he's just getting comfy again or getting himself back to sleep. Of course if it sounds like his "hey where's mummy" noises I pick him up!

But also 7 weeks is still so tiny and he will want the comfort of being close to you.

I remember going through a similarly tricky bit with my DD (now 20 wks) around the same age, but it didn't last long and she was fairly soon after setting her own routine of going to bed for the evening at about 8ish. We didn't do anything apart from follow her cues. When a pattern did emerge at that point we tried to start having a structure of bath/story/massage before bed most nights.

Cluster feeding is one of those things you can't do anything about, apart from surround yourself with food/drink that you can manage one-handed and ride it out! I can appreciate how hard it is currently with partner away, but hopefully things will have calmed down a bit and become a lot easier by the time he's on his next period away. Things can change really quickly at this age. Is there anyone else who can step in to help keep you fed/watered/do a bottle while you try to get 4 hrs straight sleep in the meantime?

Oh also yep agree with pp - I realised after a while that if I didn't pick her up at the slightest peep that sometimes she would resettle, maybe with just a hand on the tummy for reassurance.

I would def encourage a bedtime routine with at least a change in light so the darkness signals night not just nap time. I do the last feed of the night in the bedroom with the curtains closed and lights dimmed.

Hello boopdoop
You poor love. It's not easy when they're so small - I say this as someone with very similar circumstances to yours (DH also works away). DD was ff but was a very hungry baby and fed every 1-2.5 hours during the day (if she slept through the night it was for 6 hours). She refused all routine until 15 weeks (took 5 weeks to implement). Ways I coped were by good family support (if you're lucky to have this), following baby's cues and trying to get fresh air daily.

There is no harm in trying to get some kind of structure in place but if you don't manage it at this stage then please don't lose heart, your DS is still very dependent on you at this stage - just try to keep things nice and quiet at night and DS will pick up on the change in day and night. Once he goes longer between feeds you will notice a difference, I promise. In the meantime keep doing what you are doing, you sound like a great mum doing your best for your DS xxx

Poor you. I remember those cluster feeding evenings and how hard it was, and I had my DH on hand to help so really feel for you. I used to really worry about our lack of routine, as many of my friends were doing strict 7pm bedtime with their babies. However, I then found out that in actual fact it is safer to keep your baby with you in the evening, in the same way that they are meant to sleep in your room until 6 months. So I resigned myself to having my baby downstairs with me until I went to bed. Sometimes she would nod off in bouncy chair, more often sleep on me, but I didn't beat myself up about the lack of routine. DD2 was formula fed and would quite reliably sleep in her bouncy chair during the evening until we went to bed. Conscious that this doesn't really answer your question but thought it might help as a different perspective.

Oh and I forgot to mention OP, my LO was a very late-bedder too, on a bad night wouldn't settle until 3am (vomit), and an average settling-time would be 11pm so I totally empathise. And as I said in my earlier post, once your LO is able to go that bit longer between feeds, then the sleeping stretches will lengthen and gradually you can tinker about with settling times, eventually getting that much longed-for earlier bed time.

Please try not to be disheartened, particularly when others tell you about their DC going to bed at 7pm - you will find your feet with bedtimes and routines soon enough. Most people I know still can't get their child to bed at that time, but you do what works best for you and your family. My DD goes to bed between 9-10pm, at the moment, it works for us (when people hear this and make disapproving noises/faces/comments I quickly point out that its an improvement on 3am!!!!).

Let us know how you are doing OP, even if its just for a rant, we are all here to try and help

I found that reading Gina Ford around this age helped me so much. Not because of the whole feed every 4 hrs type of routine etc . But because it gave me suggestions as to how to structure my day so I showered, left the house and ate when in a completely sleep deprived fog and couldn't see the wood for the trees. It's worth a flip through.

If your DH is away a lot, I'd take advantage myself. Have a main meal at lunch, snooze with baby, settle in on sofa to cluster feed with light or microwave meal. Beans on toast, chicken soup and lashings of toast etc etc. microwave risotto is your friend though. Drop a napkin on feeding child's head and you're away. Then go to bed by 9pm. Set alarm for 11/11.30, lift baby and dream feed him, back in cot. Feed lying down around 3/4 am. and again at 6 or whatever.
If you can manage to squeeze in a shower or breakfast before the morning feed around 8/9 you are set up for the day. DH used to bring me porridge and juice in bed, then when he was out of the shower I'd dash through while he dressed and entertained. Head out and find coffee shop for 10am feed.